SINS SEQUEL -- YESTERDAY NEVER DIES(1/3) DATE: July 24, 1999 From: CorrineLS@socal.rr.com Author: Lakota Category: MSR, M anguish, Mrs. Mulder Anguish Rating: PG13 Spoilers: Oubliette, Paper Hears and various other episodes. Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Lone Gunmen, Diana Fowley, CSM, Margaret Scully and Tina Mulder are being borrowed for my sole enjoyment. They are the property of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting and 1013 Productions. Would never think of infringing. Important Note: This story is the 3rd of my Sins.. Sequels. It's probably best to read Sins of the Past, Sins of the Future and then this one, Sins.. Yesterday Never Dies. There are references to the prior two stories. Second Important Note: For all the readers that are very accurate in the timeline and know where Mrs. Mulder lived after the divorce, PLEASE pretend that she did not move away from Martha's Vineyard. It is a very important part of my story and it wouldn't have worked if I typed the story correctly. So, use your imagination as that's what fanfics are meant to be. At the end of the story, I tried desperately not to make it too mushy or sugar coated, but it was hard not to with the subject matter at hand. Happy reading. SUMMARY: A visit to his father's gravesite and a long awaited confrontation with his mother, brought Fox a little closer to the truth of his past. With the Thanksgiving invitation from his mother, Fox, Dana Mrs. Scully and Jacob, the grandson Mrs. Mulder didn't know she had, brought a weekend of anxiety to all. Mulder found out quickly that Thanksgiving was not going to be just to have a turkey dinner, but a time to find out why his family was in constant turmoil. How did Cancer Man fit in the picture of his past, why was he chosen first only to have Samantha taken instead, why his constant nightmares and why was there such a lack of love for him. Thanks: To Susan and Cynde, one for pushing me, and the other for checking my work. I couldn't do this without you guys. r is it to shut me up, umm now that's a thought. SINS SEQUEL -- YESTERDAY NEVER DIES It was hard to say that life went back to normal. How could it be normal with all that happened in the last couple of months? Jacob's regression made him constantly cling onto Mulder at every moment they were together. Mulder and Scully were concerned about his well being. His physical injury would heal, but his emotional state worried them. Time had past without Jacob mentioning the incident at the park. Mulder was a psychologist, and although he wasn't practicing his skill, he knew enough to know that they should take Jacob to therapy. Whether it was a Center for Grieving Children or Playtime Therapy, they had to do something. They started taking Jacob to therapy for grieving children to help him express his thoughts, his anxieties, and his fears. From the therapy, they were able to discuss any questions that Jacob had. Jacob had a constant fear that he would lose his daddy, or maybe his new mommy. With his questions, they were able to explain that just because a person died, it didn't mean that anyone else would die soon. Then came the fear that maybe he would die. After all, he'd been in the hospital and he remembered how badly his leg hurt. They consoled him and reassured him that he would live a long time, but it was normal to worry about his death or a death of someone he loved. Mulder and Scully went go the weekly therapy sessions, trying desperately to help the child. Some days the therapy went well, and some days Jacob would go home in tears. The FBI had given Mulder some time off to help Jacob with his loss. It was a challenging time for all three of them. Mulder waited a couple of days after he took him home from the hospital before telling him about Diana. He dreaded the conversation, but he knew he had to tell him as soon as possible. Jacob would ignore him, turning his face to the other side. "Jacob, Son, do you know what happened to your mommy?" he remembers asking the boy. "She wanted to steal me, she wanted to take me away from you," Jacob would cry out. "Jacob, she loved you very much, she was just confused." Mulder would try to explain. "I don't want to see her never, never again," he would reply angrily. "Jacob do you remember what happened at the park?" Mulder asked, picking the child up and sitting him on his lap. "I just remember her carrying me and taking me away, then something hurt really bad and I went to sleep." "Jacob a bad person hurt your mommy, just like you got hurt. When she got hurt, her body stopped working and her body could not be fixed. She couldn't breathe or eat anymore," Mulder said softly. "Did I make her go away? Daddy, did she get hurt because I didn't want to go with her?" "No, Jacob you didn't do anything wrong. What happened to your mommy wasn't your fault." "Did mommy go with God?" Jacob asked "Well no one really knows what happens to people when they die, but it's important that you understand that your mom really loved you and that she will always be with you in your heart. When we remember the people that love us and keep them in our hearts they never really leave us." "I'm mad, Daddy. I'm mad at mommy for taking me away from you. But now I'm mad that I can never see her again," Jacob's voice quivered. "It's okay to be angry Jacob. You can be sad, you can scream, and you can cry if you need to," Mulder consoled. The days passed and with time the child's fears diminished. The one thing that Mulder and Scully worried about was Jacob's lack of conversation regarding Diana outside of therapy. Diana's name would be mentioned in the psychologist's office, but at home her name was non existent. Their concern was brought up at the sessions, but Jacob was adamant that he did not want to talk about her. Five months had now past since the incident at McHenry's Park. An incident that Mulder wished he could erase from his memory. The site of Diana falling to the ground, holding Jacob, and the blood pooled between them kept on haunting him. The vision played over and over again like a broken record. Just one more nightmare to add to all the ones stored in his mind. He knew that if Scully were not there to guide him, he would have lost it. He remembers Diana's final words as bittersweet. Like it or not, she was his partner when the X-Files were opened. He trusted her completely. She was with him at his moment of despair and she bore a child that would forever hold his heart. She really didn't have to die, but he dreaded to think of the consequences for him if she had lived. The months of pain and physical therapy from the gunshot wound and the stress from his memory of the kidnapping caused Jacob to regress. With the help of his nanny's, --the Lone Gunmen, Skinner and Scully, Jacob slowly was recovering from the fear of being away from Mulder. His leg was completely healed, except for the days that he over-exerted himself at playtime causing his thigh to ache. Mulder spent many long hours sitting with Jacob, massaging his thigh and trying to make him feel safe. But mentally, Jacob was still progressing slowly. Even after the therapy, Jacob still did not mention his mother at home, not once did he question her whereabouts, not once did he shed a tear for his loss of her. This was a constant source of anxiety for both Mulder and Scully. Did Jacob forget the incident, or did he choose to repress it? Scully was now his mommy in all senses of the word. In fact, she had become acclimated to the title weeks after their first meeting. As a result, Jacob had brought Mulder and Scully closer together. Jacob's little matchmaking antics were so obvious at times that Mulder and Scully played along, but then there were times that their feelings simply took over. Too many times a touch was not simply a touch, but something that meant much more--a touch that would stir their feelings to the core of their being. They had not only been partners for 7 years but soul mates as well. And as for their relationship, it was still unclear where each of them stood. The insinuations continued, the innuendoes were at full force, and then there were the times that a friendly kiss ended to be more than just that. For a couple of weeks after the shooting, Scully had stayed with Mulder nursing Jacob back to health, but eventually persuaded them to move in with her. Her place was bigger and although the couch was Mulder's preference for a bed, it wasn't hers. Mulder and Jacob stayed in her extra bedroom, and Scully in her own bedroom. The tension was there, but they didn't want to confuse themselves, either. It was not a happy time when Mulder and Jacob moved back to their own apartment. Jacob missed Scully, as did Mulder, but life had to continue for the three of them. The Lone Gunmen took over the nanny position with vigor. They would pick up the boy after school and watch him until Mulder would pick him up after work. The worst times were the weeks that Mulder and Scully were away on assignment. Jacob tried to be strong on those long voids and the guys did their best to keep him occupied. But his memory of the day in the warehouse, and Mulder's beating would spring up every once in awhile, bringing back the fear of losing his dad. Many times during the past seven months, Mulder considered calling his mother and telling her about Jacob. But every time the thought surfaced, the fear of her not accepting Jacob surfaced as well, until the fear eventually overshadowed his intention to call. So, without intending to, he ended up keeping Jacob a secret from the only other family member he had. Scully had been on his case all week long; telling him it was time for his mom to meet Jacob. He knew he had to eventually but for reasons unknown he kept postponing the inevitable. Then as fate would have it, he got a phone call from Teena Mulder. "Son, I would like to invite you and Dana over for Thanksgiving dinner. Can you make it for the holidays this year?" she asked him. He was completely beside himself. When was the last time his mother even considered the thought of being with him during any holiday? In fact, when had she even come to visit him during his numerous hospital stays? It was always Mrs. Scully. Maggie Scully would be the one to visit him in the hospital, console Scully in her times of need during Mulder's convalescence. In his eyes, the Scully's were the perfect Rockwell family. How could anyone compare. Mulder was confused at the sudden change of heart that his mother demonstrated. He still laughed at the call that had come into him at work. Teena Mulder even went as far as to invite the Scully family as well. "Huh? My mother is invited too?" Scully asked dumbfounded. All Mulder could do was raise his shoulders in wonderment, "Scully, maybe she's a clone, a alien hybrid, a shift changer, it can't be Mom." But all Mulder got from his mockery was a jab on his ribs from Scully. "Be nice Mulder, maybe she's seen the light, maybe she wants to make amends with you," Scully retorted. So as luck would have it, bad or good depending how you looked at it, the date was set. They were to drive to the Vineyard on Wednesday around 2:00 p.m. arriving late that night and be back to work on Tuesday. How nice Scully was to ask for an extra day for them. Like four days wasn't going to be long enough, and then she added another day. Scully's mom had agreed to the invitation. She usually would make a big Thanksgiving dinner with all the Scully boys and their families. Mulder would be invited every year and every year he would make some lame excuse not to go. Oh, it wasn't that he didn't love to be with the perfectly stable Scully family, but the refusal was mostly for him. He didn't want to be reminded of how dysfunctional his own family really was. The invitation came at a perfect timing for Maggie Scully as this year would be a quiet and lonely one for her. Except for Dana, Charles and Bill unfortunately ended up with prior commitments with their wives families. So instead of having Mrs. Scully alone, they thought the invitation from Mrs. Mulder was a perfect deterrent from the sadness that Mrs. Scully was going to have without the whole family together. Maggie Scully was to arrive on Thursday, Thanksgiving morning and leave on Sunday morning. Maybe he could talk her into staying until Monday night. Scully had kept her mother abreast of Jacob from the very beginning. Her conversations to Scully were always "˜I can't picture Fox as a father' then a chuckle would follow, at least that's what Scully would tell him after she finished talking to her mom. Maggie would definitely want to get acquainted with Jacob, God he was hoping to have a house full of people so he wouldn't be alone with his mother. Wednesday 2:00 p.m. "Mulder, earth to Mulder," Scully said, waving her hand in front of Mulder's face. "Um, were you saying something?" Mulder asked, hypnotized by his thoughts. "I was just saying how we should set the wedding date soon," she teased. "WHAT!" he asked nearly running off the side of his lane. "I thought that would get your attention. Don't worry, I was just trying to bring you back to earth. I was just wondering where you were. You were million miles away from here." "Sorry I was just thinking. Now Scully tell me again, why did we accept the invitation," he asked, looking at the rearview mirror seeing Jacob very quietly flip the pages of his new book. "You're looking at the reason Mulder. It's not fair for him to be deprived of a grandmother and she deprived of a grandson." "But Scully, she isn't his grandmother, I mean his real grandmother?" he whispered not wanting Jacob to hear. "Is that what you want to believe. That's not fair for Jacob to know that. I thought we had that conversation before and we decided never to mention the truth about Jacob. He is your son, in every sense of the word. Maybe not biologically, although we can truthfully say he carries your blood. You gave him your blood after he got shot, he survived because of you. Tell me the real reason you have not told your mother about Jacob," she pushed. "She doesn't know how to give love Scully, I am proof of that." "I don't believe that Mulder. You have too much love in you for that to be true. I've seen you time and time again, case after case the intense love affair for the underdog, for the child left without a parent, for a parent without a child. I remember the look on your face when you wanted to help Lucy Householder. The desperation in your face when you knew that she was the only one that could help Amy Jacobs from her kidnapper. Lucy saved Amy because of you," she softly said, putting her hand over his lap. "But Lucy died. She died trying to save Amy." Mulder replied, still feeling blame for Lucy's death. "Mulder you pained for every little girl that John Lee Roche killed," she continued. "Because I thought each one was Samantha," he interrupted. "I don't believe that. The little girl on the bus, Caitlin, did you think she was Samantha, no. She was just another innocent little girl that you protected. So don't tell me that you don't know how to give love." "Then tell me why you and I can't seem to find love?" he solemnly asked. "The love is there, Mulder, it always has been. We are just too nervous, scared, or maybe just idiots not to take it a step further. Besides there have been moments. If I remember right, in the last seven months, there've been good moments-except for the times Jacob seems to find the opportunity to walk in," she boldly said. "Let's give this weekend a chance"¦in all aspects. Mulder, tell me truthfully, why you haven't called your mother?" she asked a third time. "Too busy, obviously she was too busy to call her son." "That's not fair Mulder. You could always take the first step." She told him. "I've tried taking many steps Scully. After Samantha was abducted, I tried to be the perfect son. I was afraid that I would be next if I didn't behave. Dad was always gone and mom was always depressed. Going to Oxford gave me two solutions for my life. A way to educate myself and have them proud of me. I thought if I made something of myself, they would forgive me for losing Samantha. And secondly, I had to get out of the depression of my family." "Maybe this invitation is her way to take that first step. Let's give her a chance," she reiterated. "Daddy, are we almost there? I don't feel so good," Jacob said, putting the book down hugging his stomach with his arms. "Mulder pull over, I think he's carsick. He looks like he's ready to..." she began to say. "Jacob hold on, wait until I stop the car," Mulder interrupted zigzagging from lane to lane trying desperately to get to the shoulder of the road. But as luck would have it, he wasn't fast enough. Jacob covered his mouth but couldn't hold his lunch any longer. "Too late Mulder," Scully said, waiting for the complete stop, and getting out of the car. "Jacob, couldn't you wait?" Mulder asked exasperated. "I'm sorry daddy, I tried," Jacob cried. "I know you tried," Mulder responded ashamed at his accusation. He got out of the car walking around to see if he could be of assistance. "Mulder in the trunk there are paper towels and handiwipes, get them. Also, bring Jacob a full change of clothing," Scully ordered. Scully took Jacob out standing him by the opened door and proceeded to clean him up and change him completely. Mulder did the nauseating job of cleaning the back seat. "Okay have I past the test of being a father?" he asked, turning green. "Nope, there's chickenpox, colds, PTA meetings, little league, basketball games, school fights, girlfriends..." she joked. "I got your point, no need to go on. This is going to be a perfect first impression for mom." "Since when have you ever worried about impressions?" she asked. "Daddy, your mommy isn't going to like me now?" Jacob asked, "I tried not to get sick." "Jacob she will like you very much. She'll understand that you got carsick. Besides I think this is the least of our worries," she said looking up at Mulder. "She'll like you son, matter of fact, she'll love you," he consoled as he finished with the cleaning duties. Within twenty they were back on the road. "Daddy, I'm going to go to sleep. I don't feel good," he whispered, curling his body the best he could with the confinements of the seatbelt. They drove for another half-hour in complete silence, both in deep thought. "Why don't you let me drive now Mulder, the eight hour drive has got to be wearing your down," Scully offered. "I'm fine-at this rate we will get there at 10:00-bed time. Perfect." "Mulder, don't you think you're being a little unfair to your mother by not warning her about Jacob?" Scully asked, ignoring his last remark. "What happens if you catch her off guard and she let's her surprise be known? It will break Jacob's heart." "Okay, maybe you're right. Stay here with Jacob and I'll go break the news to her, okay?" "Always partner." He parked the car in his mom's driveway, and for a moment just sat with his hands gripping the steering wheel. "You're a big chicken. Now get in there. I'll start waking Jacob," she announced. He got out of the car walking up the side of the house until he came to the front door. He took out his keys from his pocket but then decided to knock instead. With his hands in his pocket he fidgeted back and forth until the door opened. "Son-glad you made it. But why didn't you open the door? You have a key"¦ where is Dana? Wasn't she able to make the trip?" "Yes mom she's in the car"¦um"¦getting something. She'll be right in," he said walking into the house. "Mom I have something to tell you before she comes in "You two got married," she gleefully said, embracing him. "No we're not married and we're not living together." "Then what is it Fox?" she asked holding onto his hand and bringing him to the couch. "Umm, we brought someone with us. I hope you don't mind having an extra mouth to feed for Thanksgiving dinner," he hemmed and hawed. "Yes I know you were bringing Maggie Scully," she responded. "No mom, Mrs. Scully is coming tomorrow. Mom, this isn't going to be easy. Um, do you remember about seven years ago, when I first started with the X-Files," he slowly tried to explain. "No, I don't think I do," she replied. "Of course not, why should you," he mumbled under his breath, turning his face away from her. "Mom, I won't beat around the bush, there's a six year-old little guy in the car, he's my son," he said quickly before he lost his nerve. He noticed her face pale as she stood up, her hand placed over her heart. "What? What do you mean Fox? How? When? With who?" she blurted out. "Your Indian wife didn't have a baby and kept it from you, did she?" "Yes mom of course, she lived with me, was pregnant and delivered our child without me noticing," he sarcastically said. "What did you say?" she asked, turning back to face him. "Nothing mom, nothing at all," he angrily said then continued. "After Star died, I partnered with a lady by the name of Diana Fowley. After a time, she moved in with me. We lived together until one day she abruptly left. A few months ago she came back into town telling me I'm the father of this little boy." "And you believed her?" "Mom, he's my son," he said, getting up from the couch and heading towards the door. Teena followed him but decided to stop at the doorway. Scully was leaning inside the backseat trying to wake Jacob when Mulder stood next to her. "Well?" "She wanted to know if my Indian wife had him and kept it from me," he reproached. Scully moved back as he bent down, unbuckling the seatbelt, picking the boy up towards him. Jacob snuggled his head on Mulder's shoulder falling back to sleep. "Leave the bags here Scully, I'll come back for them. I need you with me." "Mrs. Mulder, it's so nice to see you again. How are you feeling?" Scully asked, holding her hand out for a handshake. "Very well thank you Dana. Well let me see the little guy," Teena Mulder said, walking around Mulder trying to get a glimpse of the child. "He's a little guy, isn't he. How old is he, four or five?" "I'm six years old," Jacob mumbled in his sleep burying his head onto Mulder's neck. Both Mulder and Scully smiled at the response of the sleeping child. "Mom I'm taking him up to my bedroom. He got carsick and isn't feeling very well. Why don't we wait until he gets up before you meet him," Mulder said heading to the stairs. He carried Jacob up the stairs, followed by Scully. The pictures on the wall still hung with photos of Samantha and Fox in various stages of play. School pictures adorned the walls. Scully took it slow taking in every picture, seeing the distinctive expression, the pouty lips, the color of his eyes that seemed to change like a chameleon. "I was a cute kid, wasn't I," Mulder quipped. "I was looking at Samantha," she teased. Mulder's "˜okay, you win one' expression was clearly on his face as he walked into his bedroom. A second later peeked out and said, "as you can see, the pictures stopped after Sam's disappearance." Scully turned to face him only to see him vanish into his room. She walked back to the stairs and looked closely. In front of her were pictures of both of the Mulder children. A small picture for every grade in school, but strangely enough, the photographs did stop at around Mulder's 6th grade picture. None were his High School pictures; not one when he was in Oxford or when he entered the FBI. She wondered why there weren't any pictures of Mulder and Star. Time seemed to stop at the age of twelve. She had heard parent's joke at how many pictures were taken of their first born, and with each consecutive child, the pictures were less. Not in this family, Mulder was the oldest, yet the photos were not there. She took a deep breath at how it must have been and headed towards Mulder's bedroom. Mulder had already put Jacob to bed, taking the child's jacket, shoes and socks off. Scully walked over to the edge to get the afghan and placed it gently over Jacob. "Can I stay here until Tuesday?" Mulder asked. "What if I told you that Flukeman was downstairs?" she joked. "You're calling my mother the Flukeman," he quickly answered. "No silly, I was making a point. If you were investigating the Flukeman, you'd be down in a second, yet going downstairs to talk to your mother"¦ well, need I say more? Come on let's go downstairs and have a nice evening with her." "Scully, I'm going to the car, bring in our luggage, take a shower and go to bed; you can visit with her." he announced walking passed her and going down the stairs, Scully right behind. "Where are you going to sleep?" Mrs. Mulder asked. "What do you mean?" Mulder asked confused, "My son is staying in my room with me. Mom, I'm really tired. We had a long drive, so if you don't mind I'm going to bed." He hadn't finished saying that sentence when a hysterical scream came from upstairs. Without saying a word, Mulder ran up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, Scully and Mrs. Mulder close behind. Jacob was sitting on the bed, hands over his eyes, cries of panic in his voice. "Son, what's the matter?" he asked sitting on the bed bringing him into a hug. "I woke up and I didn't know where I was at. I thought they took you away again," his voice quivering. "You know I won't let anyone take your daddy away," Scully said, sitting next to the two. "You promise Mommy," he smiled. "Well, well, well, who is this handsome little boy?" Mrs. Mulder asked, moving closer to the three. "My name is Jacob Willam Mauder" he said proudly. "You know, Fox used to have bad dreams when he was small. I used to have to bring him to bed with his father and me. I would hold him until he fell asleep," Mrs. Mulder consoled. "Really, my daddy and sometimes daddy and mommy sleep with me," he casually said. Mulder's choking cough tried to drown the last sentence while Scully nervously started straightening the afghan on the bed. "Oh really, well that's nice that they can * both * be with you in bed," Mrs. Mulder said, with a smile on her face. "Jacob, why don't you come with me so I can give you some milk and cookies while your father gets ready for bed. Dana, will you be getting ready for bed as well?" "Ah, yes, yes the drive really wore me down," Dana said, getting up from the bed walking towards her designated room. "But I have to take a shower, daddy always takes me a shower," Jacob said. "You don't take one by yourself?" she asked surprised. "I'm still little you know. I try but daddy is still there to help me with my hair. Because sometimes I put a lot of soap and then it takes daddy a long, long time to take the soap off," he informed. "Alright then, after you take your shower, why don't you have your father bring you downstairs for some cookies," she said, then turned to face Mulder. "Son, do you think he'll tell me secrets?" Mulder's face flustered watching his mother walk out of the room. Teena Mulder waited for 45 minutes hoping that the two would come downstairs, but they never showed. She started up the stairs when she heard the giggles and laughs of both Fox and Jacob. Scully's opened her bedroom door slightly when she caught a glimpse of Mrs. Mulder heading towards Mulder's bedroom. She stood by the door for a couple of seconds, raised her hand ready to knock on it, but then changed her mind. She placed her open hand on the door, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. After a minute or so, she proceeded to head towards her bedroom. Scully opened her door and tiptoed across the hall. She opened the door surprising the two. "Mommy I'm trying to tickle daddy," he chuckled. "I can see that. Jacob it's time for bed, Mulder it's nearly midnight," she ordered, walking to the bed giving Jacob a kiss on his forehead. "Mom how you've changed. Are you going to tuck me in?" Mulder teased. "You didn't go downstairs, did you?" she asked disappointedly. "I"¦" he tried to say. "You're not trying. I'll see you tomorrow." "Is mommy mad?" Jacob whispered to Mulder. "I think she is angry, we better get to sleep." Thursday - Thanksgiving Day He didn't want to open his eyelids. It was so irresistibly peaceful along with the serenity that was surrounding his body. He could keep them closed and visualize how it once was. Boy, it had been ages since he had slept in his bed. Funny how his bed felt so big when he was young and now his long lanky body barely fit. He remembered the nights Samantha would sneak in his bedroom late at night after his parents had tucked them in. They would hide under the covers, flashlights in hand as he would read her book after book. Sam loved to hear him read to her. He was ten at the time and she was six, a vulnerable age for both of them. But boy did he like to make her life miserable. He would wait until she was under the covers with him and then read her a scary story. And of course he had to make the story even scarier with his bone-chilling adlibs. By the end of the book, Sam would be in tears shaking, hugging him. Then he would feel bad and try his best to try to make her smile. Not only because he felt sorry for her, but also because he knew he would get reamed by his dad. Mulder finally decided to open his eyes, to see Jacob lying on his stomach, arms bent, elbows on the bed, chin on his hands. "Jacob, how long have been staring at me?" he asked, startled at the sight of his face so close to him. "I don't know. Daddy, why do you make funny noises when you sleep?" "What funny noises?" Mulder asked bewildered. "Like this," Jacob responded, pulling in air in his mouth making noises at the back of his throat, then blowing it out. "You mean snore? Jacob I don't snore," he said quickly. "Oh yes you do daddy, you snore and snore and snore," he giggled. Jacob stood up on the bed, Mulder noticing Jacob holding onto the front of his pajamas. "Jacob, do you have to go to the bathroom?" he asked as he sat up on the bed. "Yes, real real bad," he responded taking a good grip, hoping he could stop the urge as he squeezed. "You know where the bathroom is, why didn't you go?" Mulder said getting up carrying him off the bed. "Daddy, I don't know. You took me yesterday night. I can't remember, I'm little," he said as a matter of fact, "and I don't know this house." "You made your point, come on before you pee in your pajamas," he said taking him outside of the bedroom, and down the hall. "Go away Scully," he responded. "Mulder open it or I'll get the pick and open it myself," she replied. The water was turned off and moments later the door opened, a very wet Mulder standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist. She walked inside the steam filled room. "Jesus Mulder, how hot did you have the water." "Not hot enough," he responded sitting on the toilet seat. "Are you okay Mulder?" she asked. "How is he?" he asked, ignoring her question. "He's angry, but that's to be expected. He's too young to realize that you did it out of love," she told him bringing his head towards her holding him n "Has Dan"¦your mommy come into our room?" he asked the boy waiting for him while he went to the bathroom. "Nope. Daddy what smells so good? I smell bacon," Jacob said finishing and stretching to the sink to wash his hands. "Smells like mom is making us breakfast. Let me go get some sweats on and we'll go have breakfast." They both walked back to the bedroom, Jacob waiting until Mulder had slipped on some sweats and a T-shirt. The aroma of bacon, eggs and biscuits filled the house, again his memory would drift to his youth, the peaceful and loving youth before his twelfth birthday, before that dreadful day. Mulder opened the kitchen door to see Scully sitting at the breakfast table drinking coffee with his mother. "Would you like breakfast," Teena Mulder asked, quickly getting up heading towards the stove. "Yes please, we're both hungry," Mulder responded, sitting next to Scully, Jacob close behind. "How did you sleep honey," Scully asked, looking at Jacob. "Just fine sweetheart," Mulder whispered back. Jacob giggled listening to both of them. "Jacob, how's your tummy?" Scully asked again, ignoring Mulder's words. "Better. I got dizzy yesterday," he replied remembering how carsick he got. Teena walked over to the table with two plates in her hand filled with eggs, bacon, hash browns and a biscuit. "Dana, let me serve you." "No Mrs. Mulder, I can do it, thank you though," Scully said standing up. "When do you expect your mother?" Teena Mulder asked Scully. "I don't know. She didn't want us to worry or to pick her up, so she said she'll get here when she gets here." Her sentence was barely finished when there was a knock on the door. "Who could that be at this hour?" Mrs. Mulder asked. "I wonder if it's Mom?" Scully questioned. Mrs. Mulder walked towards the living room, Scully behind. "Maggie, you're here early, how was your trip?" Teena asked, giving her a quick hug. "It was nice, thank you," she replied walking into the house carrying her luggage. "Honey," she said, approaching Dana giving her a long embrace. "Hi mom, it's good to see you again," Scully said, keeping the embrace. "Where is Fox?" "In the kitchen," she answered, then turned to look at Mrs. Mulder, "Is Jacob"¦" she started to say. "When you two finish talking come into the kitchen and have breakfast," she said leaving them both. "Does Maggie know about Jacob?" Teena Mulder asked, walking into the kitchen, closing the door behind her. "I think she's told her," Mulder replied, knowing darn well that Mrs. Scully knew all about Jacob. "Interesting," she said. "Mom I"¦" Mulder started to say but knew he was going to lose this one. "Never mind Fox," she retorted, taking the trash from the kitchen, heading towards the back door. "I'll take that out," he suggested. "I've been doing this by myself for a long time." "Daddy, is your mommy mad at you?" "Looks like it, Happy Thanksgiving," he sarcastically said. "What?" Jacob asked confused, putting his arm around Mulder's back. The kitchen door opened, Maggie Scully and Dana walking into the kitchen. "Well, well Fox, I don't see you two for months and so many things happen. Let me see this little guy," Mrs. Scully said, walking towards Jacob, crouching down to his level. "You are so cute. How old are you?" Jacob raised his two hands lifting 6 fingers. "Six, I'm six years old" he said proudly. "Are you mommies, mommy?" Maggie looked up confused. "Jacob calls me that," Scully answered immediately. "Well, then that would make me your grandma. Do you want to call me that?" she asked holding the child and giving him a hug. "I don't have a grandma, I want you to be my grandma," Jacob said innocently as Mrs. Mulder walked in the door listening to the last sentence that Jacob had said. Everyone's uneasiness showed in their faces as they saw the expression on Teena's face. "Son, my mother is your grandma," Mulder quickly said. "She is! Can I call you grandma too," Jacob said running to Mrs. Mulder giving her a hug. "I would love that, now Maggie how about some breakfast," Teena said trying to take the anxiety away from everyone's faces. "If all of you don't mind, I think I'm taking Jacob boating for a couple of hours," Mulder said getting up off the chair. "Scully, do you want to come?" "I'm staying here to help with dinner," she responded. "Heaven's no, you three go and enjoy. Teena and I will be just fine. Just don't be late," Maggie said walking towards the stove to get her breakfast. The air was so thick, that sometimes Scully wondered whether it was a good idea being at the Mulder's. At times she felt sorry for Mulder but then she looked at Mrs. Mulder and she felt bad for her as well. Mulder went up the stairs followed by Jacob and Scully. "I'll meet you out in the back," Mulder said, barely looking at Scully, walking into his bedroom. He quickly changed then left Jacob dressing himself. "Jacob when you're done go out to the backyard, I'll be there." Mulder walked outside, the sea breeze hitting his face. He looked around at the big yard that he remembered so well, trees adorning the yard. His eyes kept on focusing on the huge tree just yards away from where he stood. Gosh, so many years later and the tire still hung with a rope tied securely over the thickest branch of the tree. He walked towards it, sitting in the inner tube. He smiled as he wiggled his behind in the hole of the tire. He held on the inner tube pushing himself with his feet against the ground, swaying back and forth. He closed his eyes envisioning his youth once again. It was only Sam and he. She was such a good sister, always tagging behind him, he knew she always looked up to him. "Do you still fit in the inner tube?" Scully joked walking out, holding Jacob's hand. "Very funny, my rear end is still small," he teased. She opened her mouth to say something, then changed her mind. "Daddy a swing, that looks like fun, can you swing me," Jacob said running towards him. Mulder got off the swing, carrying Jacob onto the tire. "Hold on tight," Mulder said, gently swaying the tire back and forth. Without realizing his mind wondered again, his eyes watered with the memory that was flashing back to him. "What's the matter, Mulder? Are you thinking of Samantha?" she asked, taking a hold of his hand as he kept the gentle swaying. "Samantha fell off the tire. They blamed me for it, I wasn't pushing her hard, I wasn't. She fell, and broke her collarbone. I've only thought of this incident one other time - when we found the little girl's body that John Lee Roche killed. How can I take care of Jacob, when I did such a lousy job with Samantha," he said, voice trembling. "Take care of Jacob, I need a little time." He walked away to the end of the property, thoughts of his past filling his mind. "What's wrong with daddy?" Jacob asked sadly. "Nothing Jacob, he just needs to be alone for awhile. Let me swing you some more, then we'll take you to the beach. How's that?" Scully was startled by the gentle touch on her back. "Mom, you startled me." "Sorry Honey, how are things going?" "Not good, look for yourself," Scully replied, nodding towards Mulder. He sat on the lawn, pulling the grass, then throwing it in front of him. "Mommy can you get me down? I want to go to daddy," Jacob said, trying to wiggle off of the tire. Scully walked in front of him carrying him off. Jacob ran to Mulder, jumping on his back, wrapping his arms around his neck. "Like I said on the phone numerous times, it's so hard to see Fox as a father," Mrs. Scully smiled. "Mom you should see how he is with Jacob. He has had to learn fast, and learn he has. He is such a wonderful father. He went through a lot of grief when Jacob was kidnapped and then when Diana almost took him away. Mom why has life gone so bad for him?" she asked, not really expecting an answer. "I'm so confused. Sometimes I feel so sorry for Mulder and then I look at his mother and feel sorry for her." "Honey, I can't even imagine how she felt when her daughter disappeared. I mean, the loss of Melissa was devastating but I had a closure, I was able to put her to rest. Teena on the other hand has not been able to bury her daughter. She might still be waiting for her to walk in the door." "Does that give her a reason to close the door on her son?" "Of course not. It bothers me to see how they are to each other. His parents should have embraced him." "But they didn't, instead they put blame on a twelve year old boy." "I know, it is an injustice. Dana go to him, he needs you," Mrs. Scully said, kissing her on the forehead. Scully walked to the end of the lawn watching both Mulder and Jacob sitting next to each other on the grass, both eating and spitting sunflower seeds. "I see you are also a pro at "˜how to eat a sunflower seed'," Scully smiled sitting on the grass next to the two. "Do you want some?" Jacob asked. He held his hand out with a handful of wet sunflower seeds that he had put in his mouth and then retrieved them back out. "No thanks, maybe later," she grinned. "So Mulder where are you taking us?" "I was thinking about walking on the beach," he said putting another seed in his mouth. "Mulder, it's the end of November." "We're not going in the water. We'll just walk on the beach, play some baseball. Is that okay Jacob?" Jacob's smile beamed, standing up trying to pull Mulder's arms to help him up. The beach wasn't far from his mother's house, but they decided to drive just in case the weather turned on them. Mulder retrieved from the trunk of his car his baseball bat, a ball and his mitt. Most of the day the three played in the sand. They took turns burying each other in the sand, played baseball and climbed the rocks. At times Scully would sit on the sand admiring the two, watching them both play. It was nice to see Mulder this way, laughing, wrestling with Jacob, miles away from the atrocities that they dealt with on a daily basis with the jobs they had. But she was sure that Mulder was probably thinking the same thing about her. "Mulder, Jacob I think it's time we start heading back. We've been out here for five hours. They're going to send a search party for us. They are going to have our hides if we don't get back in time for dinner," Scully said, standing up shaking the sand off of her. ""¦but I want to stay longer," Jacob whined. "She's right, we better get back," Mulder agreed picking up the bat and ball. The three walked in, exhausted of the day's activity and plopped on the couch. "I wasn't sure if the three of you were going to be back in time for dinner," Mrs. Mulder said. "Teena, I'm sure they didn't even realize what time it was. Did the three of you have fun?" Mrs. Scully asked, walking out the kitchen wiping her hands on the dishtowel. "Grandma, we had lots of fun," Jacob grinned, standing up from the couch jumping up and down. On one of his jumps his leg buckled, pain radiating on his thigh. The instant pain brought tears in the boy's eyes. "Jacob your leg," Mulder said, picking him up from the floor. He laid him on his side across his lap beginning to rub the old wound that still brought the memory back when he played too hard. "What happened to his leg?" Mrs. Mulder said walking towards the three on the couch followed by Mrs. Scully. "He was hit by a bullet that was meant for someone else. It went in his leg after exiting from the intended victim. Mom, he'll be okay. I guess we over did it. He didn't stop playing all day long," Scully said, putting Jacob's feet on her lap. "Fox I can't believe you let him play all day if you knew what the consequences would be. That's not very good parenting," Mrs. Mulder angrily said. Mulder bit his lip trying desperately to keep his thought at the moment to himself. After all, she was his mother and he needed to respect her. How he wished he could reply with "˜I guess I do by example' but he didn't say it. Of course the pinch on his leg by Scully might have been the real reason he held back from really saying what he wanted to say. "Grandma, stop being mad at daddy," Jacob said between tears. "Honey nobody is angry at your daddy. Your grandmother was just worried about you. Why don't the three of you get ready for dinner. It should be ready in about an hour," Margaret Scully said, trying to lighten the conversation. Mulder sat the boy on the couch then stood up stretching his arms to Jacob. "Come on let's go to the bedroom." Jacob held on to Mulder, wrapping his legs around his waist. The two older women walked into the kitchen while Scully stayed on the couch watching Mulder and Jacob walk away. As Mulder got close to the edge of the stairs he stopped then looked at the door alongside the stairs. "Jacob, do you want to see something?" Mulder asked. Carrying him, he walked to the door, opening it and turning on the light switch. "Hold on tight, we're going down the flight of stairs," Mulder said walking into the cellar. "Where are we going?" Jacob asked attentively. "To the basement. Do you want to see some of my things when I was your age?" Mulder asked holding on to the rail with one hand, holding on to Jacob tightly with the other. Mulder put the boy down when he reached the bottom of the stairs. "Can you walk?" "Uh huh," the boy replied, limping following him to the other side of the room where the pile of boxes were neatly stalked. They both sat on the floor while Mulder picked up a box and started opening it. "Jackpot" Mulder said happily. "Jackpot?" Jacob asked confused. "This was my old baseball mitt when I was six, like you," he said as he retrieved the mitt handing it over to Jacob. The boy quickly put the mitt on his hand, "It fits daddy, you were small like me," he said excitedly. "My basketball. Why don't we find an empty box and we'll take some of these things home. Do you want to do that?" Mulder asked, Jacob shaking his head enthusiastically. The door opened at the top of the stairs, Scully walking down the stairs joining them. "Daddy who is this girl. You have her picture in our house?" Jacob asked picking up a picture album, turning the pages. "That's my sister, Samantha," Mulder responded taking the album from his hands. "Where is she?" he asked curiously. "She"¦" Mulder started to say, looking up at Scully. "Honey, when your daddy was a boy, a bad person came and took his sister away," Scully tried to explain. "Like the two bad men that took me away then took daddy and hit him a lot?" Jacob responded. "Yes, that's why you can't go anywhere with strangers." Jacob got up walking over towards Mulder. "Daddy do you miss your sister?" he innocently asked. "Very much Jacob, more than anyone can ever imagine," he solemnly said. "Daddy, we got away and mommy rescued us, didn't anyone try to rescue her?" "I tried Jacob, all my life I've tried to find her." "I would be very sad if you went away and never came back," the boy commented. Mulder started pulling out the different toys that Samantha and he played when they were small. He got up and walked behind the bottom of the stairs and picked up another box. Mulder couldn't help but chuckle when he came across the Electrovac Duchess vacuum cleaner. "What are you laughing about?" Scully asked, walking close to him. "The vacuum cleaner. Roche was pulling all my strings wasn't he. I was so sure that he was the one who kidnapped Samantha," Mulder said, moving the infamous vacuum cleaner. Jacob was now looking at a steel box. The steel box was closed securely with a padlock, at least it was years ago. Jacob started fidgeting with the lock when it slipped open. Curiously he took the padlock off and opened it up. He knew what it was. He had seen this thing many times in his own house. He would see his daddy take it off his belt of his pants and sometimes he had one on the ankle of his foot. He would do something to it, take things out and then put it in a box just like this one. Every time he saw his dad take this thing off he wanted to ask him, he wanted to touch it, but he would be told repeatedly that it was very dangerous and that children should never touch it. But right now they were both on the other side and they weren't looking at him. He pulled out the revolver from the box and started examining it, turning it around, and placing his small fingers near the trigger. Mulder looked up to see what Jacob was doing when he felt the blood rush down his face. He wanted to leap to his feet, but he knew that would only frighten the boy. He took a hold of Scully's arm motioning for her to look at Jacob. Her eyes widen, wondering whether the gun was loaded, it had to be unloaded, it had to be. Mulder carefully stood up, walked slowly towards Jacob, followed by Scully. "Jacob son, give me that," Mulder said softly. Jacob was startled even at the whisper in Mulder's voice. "Daddy I'm sorry, I know you don't want me touching this. I wanted to touch it," Jacob said nervously. Mulder bent down taking the revolver from his hand, checking it quickly that the gun was not loaded. Once he realized it was empty, he threw it on the floor and grabbed Jacob by his forearm gripping tightly. Jacob's face looked at him confused. He had seen his father angry, but never this way. Anger and fear hit Mulder as he stood the boy up swatting him hard twice on his bottom. Jacob's surprised expression changed as he felt the sting. He knew he wasn't suppose to touch the gun, he was told many times, but he didn't think his dad would get this angry. He tried desperately not to cry but his lips wouldn't stop quivering. Scully quickly went to the boy not knowing whether she should intervene, but she needed to do something. "Jacob your dad didn't mean to spank you, he was just scared that you would get hurt," she told the boy, holding him near her. Mulder's facial expression wouldn't change, thoughts of losing his son kept on flashing in front of him. "Mommy I don't want to be here," Jacob sobbed. "Come on, let's take you upstairs. We have to get ready for dinner," Scully said, looking up at Mulder. She took a hold of his little hand walking him towards the door, but she could clearly see that his leg still hurt. She bent down to carry him and carried him out of the basement. Mulder picked up his right hand, still stinging from the swat that he had given his son. He fell to the floor, placing his hands over his face. After a couple of minutes he looked up then went to the box that Jacob was looking at. There in the bottom of the box was another copy of that famous picture he had seen so many times before. He picked up the picture of his own father and the Cigarette Smoking Man along with Deep Throat and possibly other men from the consortium. Why were they all together, what were they involved in. He turned around and picked up that damn revolver, the same revolver that he should have been big enough to get and pull the trigger. The steel box was atop of the breakfront, he remembers the cries, "˜Fox, Fox' he could hear Samantha's yells. He tried desperately to reach the steel box, he threw it on the floor, but he froze, he couldn't get to the gun and then it was too late. Scully carried Jacob to his room placing him on the bed. She could hear his tiny sobs on her shoulder. "Jacob honey, your dad didn't mean to spank you," she tried to console him. "Daddy spanked me, he said he wasn't ever going to spank me." "Jacob you have to understand, the gun is a very dangerous thing. Children are never supposed to touch that. You know that. He's told you many times when you're at home. You startled him Jacob, he was afraid you would get hurt. Why don't we call him up here so he can take you a shower and get you ready for dinner," she suggested. "No, I don't want to have him take me a shower," he responded quickly, "You take me a shower." "Jacob, you've never wanted me to take you a shower." "I don't like daddy right now," his voice trembled. "Alright then, let's get your clothes," she said, opening the drawers and retrieving his underclothes, his dress pants and his nice shirt. She took his hand and walked him out of the room. She undressed him and noticed the two distinctive hand marks on his bottom. She felt bad for the boy, but she was aching at how Mulder must be feeling at this moment. She wished she could be with him as well. Many times during the seven months that she would be with them, Jacob would only let her draw the bath, but he would never let her actually let her help him take his shower, but right now, he didn't want to see his dad. "Mulder continued putting some of his toys he loved as a boy in the box along with his mitt and basketball. He placed the revolver back in the steel box and wedged it at the bottom of the bigger box. He picked up his box of his childhood, grabbing the famous picture of his father and the rest of the syndicate, then walked up the stairs out of the basement. He went to his room hoping to see Jacob but he wasn't there. He grabbed a clean change of clothing and walked to the hall going into the extra bathroom. Mulder turned on the water as hot as he could stand it, standing there underneath the spray. "Jacob, can you stay here for a moment, here why don't you look at this book, I'll be right back," Scully said, picking him up onto the bed. She walked outside of her bedroom, heading downstairs noticing both older women sitting on the couch talking. She turned to the other side of the hall listening to the sound of the shower. He had to already be in there. She walked to the bathroom, gently tapping on the door. "Mulder it's me, open the door," she whispered. "I don't want to be here Scully, nothing good has come out of this little trip." "We're here for your mother and for Jacob, and you know what, I have a feeling we're here for you. Get dressed, Jacob and I will meet you downstairs. Don't worry, he'll forget anything happened before the night is up. Let's end this day in a good note," she said. She let go of Mulder, turning the knob, walking out of the bathroom. "Mrs. Mulder, um we're almost ready for dinner," Scully said startled. "Good, dinner is almost ready. Excuse me, I have to use the restroom," she said trying to go past her. "Um, Mrs. Mulder, Fox is in there, he's getting ready," she nervously said, walking past her heading towards her bedroom, "Shit, shit, shit," she mumbled to herself. Scully walked in her bedroom, sitting next to Jacob when there was a knock on the door. She knew it had to be Mrs. Mulder, what was she going to say. "Come in," she said flustered. The door opened when she noticed it was her mother. She took a deep breath and gave a big smile. "Mom!" her voice came out in a surprised shrill. "Dana honey, dinner is almost ready. You might want to tell Fox," Margaret Scully said walking towards the bed. "Well look whose here, little Fox." "Grandma, I don't like my daddy right now," Jacob interjected, as a matter of fact. "Why is that?" Mrs. Scully asked, looking at Dana curiously. "He spanked me hard today. He made me cry." "Dana?" her voice trailed off looking at her daughter. "Jacob, maybe you should tell Grandma why you're angry at your dad," Scully insisted. ""¦cause he spanked me." "No, not that, why did he spank you?" she asked again. Jacob's face bowed down and whispered, "cause I took the gun from the box." "Oh my, Jacob where did you get the gun?" Mrs. Scully, anxiously said holding her hand to her lips. "Mom, the three of us were downstairs in the basement looking at all of Mulder's childhood memories, you know his toys, pictures, well the lack of, anyway his sports paraphernalia when Jacob came across the steel box with the gun. He startled Mulder and me when we looked at him and he had the gun in his hand. It was just a reaction that Mulder had," Scully explained. "Son, your father didn't mean to spank you, you just frightened him. He thought you were going to get hurt and it "˜was' only a reaction. I bet he feels terrible about it. Don't you know that children aren't suppose to play with guns?" Margaret Scully asked the boy. He shyly shook his head, "Yes, daddy has told me lots of times at home when he puts his guns in a box and locks them." He looked up at Mrs. Scully continuing the sentence the best way he could, "Daddy said guns are a bad thing, they hurt people and sometimes they don't come back, they are dangous." The both Scully women tried to hold their smile at his explanation. "You mean dangerous," Scully corrected. "That's what I said," Jacob said exasperated. "Dana, where is Fox right now?" Margaret asked her daughter. "Last I saw, um last I know, he was in the shower," Dana said. Mrs. Scully gave a quick hug to Jacob. "Son, maybe you should apologize to your father for getting the gun after you were told not to touch it. And as for your father, I bet he feels very bad about hitting you. Now both of you go downstairs, it's almost dinner. I'll go get Fox." With that she stood up and walked towards the door, followed by Dana. "Thanks mom." "I'll go get Fox. Knowing him he's probably guilt ridden." Margaret Scully walked to the other side of the hall towards the bathroom, but noticing the door opened, she turned and headed towards Mulder's bedroom. She knocked on the door a couple of times before the door slowly opened. "Mrs. Scully," he said surprised. "I'm almost ready, I'll be down in a sec." "Can I come in?" she asked, walking in the bedroom before he responded, leaving the door ajar from his room. "Yes of course." She walked over to his bed and tapped it with her hand, motioning him to sit next to her. Confused he did as he was told. "I just came from Dana's room. Jacob and I had a little talk," she started. He half-grinned then looked down, his fingers fidgeting. She took his hand to hers and continued. "You didn't do anything wrong, he knows that now. Heck, I don't understand the discipline that is being done with these modern parents. What is the word "˜time out', "˜time out' my a"¦" she began to say," blushing at her last words. "Mrs. Scully?" he said in surprise with a smile. "Now that's how I like you to be, that unforgettable smile. What is that old saying "˜spare the rod and spoil the child', something like that. Ask Dana, she got a couple of good whacks during her growing up years, including the rest of her siblings. Tell me what happened Fox, what did you feel?" Mrs. Scully asked him, still holding onto his hand. In the hallway, Mrs. Mulder was coming out of her bedroom, heading towards her son's bedroom to tell him that dinner would almost be ready when she saw the door opened. She was going to go in when she heard voices. At first she thought it was Dana, but then realizing it was Margaret she assumed that she was telling him about dinner, when she overheard the last sentence. "Mrs. Scully, when I saw Jacob with the gun in his hands, I reacted poorly. I didn't know if the gun was loaded, I mean I know better than to think that it had ammunition in it, I just"¦" he tried to explain. "You were in perfect right to your feelings. I would have reacted the same way," she pacified. "Mrs. Scully"¦" he started to say, then stopped. "What, talk to me Fox." "I've been thinking a lot these last two days. Coming back home has made me think. After I hit Jacob"¦" "Spanked, Fox, you spanked Fox, not hit," she corrected him. "Okay spanked, anyway after he and Scully left the basement, I picked up that gun and remembered a lot of things. That gun"¦ I"¦ when Samantha was"¦ Mrs. Scully I could still hear her scream, I could still hear her call my name, Fox.. Fox"¦ help me Fox. I went to retrieve the gun. I remember going for the steel box from the breakfront and tossing it to the floor. I fell to my knees trying to get the gun and shoot whoever was taking her. But"¦ but I couldn't see anything, there was this light, a strong white light and all I could hear was Samantha calling for me," he narrated. Mrs. Mulder's eyes became teary eyed at the remembrance of that dreadful night, her hands covering her mouth trying to quiet any sounds that might escape. "Go on"¦" Mrs. Scully insisted. "I don't remember anything else, Mrs. Scully, I wish I could, I just don't remember. Oh but I do remember my parents coming home, that I remember like it was yesterday," he continued. "My mother went crazy, she was searching all over the house, calling her, calling Samantha. Dad, he flipped out. He, um, he grabbed my shoulders and, and kept on shouting over and over, "˜where is Samantha, who took her, why didn't you stop them, why didn't you stop them.' I couldn't say anything, nothing would come out of my mouth. I was paralyzed "¦ um, he then started hitting me. Yes Mrs. Scully, not spanking me, hitting me, he took his belt out and started beating me. I hadn't been hit by a belt in years, and he wouldn't stop. Mom came back downstairs and"¦ she should have stopped him, she let him beat me up, over and over and over. Mrs. Scully, I didn't let them take Samantha away, I tried to stop but I couldn't"¦ Mom wasn't there for me, in fact, she hasn't been there for me in many years, not even when I got married," he rambled on the last sentences, his voice almost a whisper. Margaret Scully put her hand on his lap and enveloped him in her arms, holding him close to her. Mulder buried his head on the nook of her neck, talking aimlessly. Mrs. Scully knew that he needed to release all his feelings, she had been there many times with her own children. How she ached for this man who needed desperately the love of his mother. She knew he needed to cry, but she didn't want to embarrass him, so she just held him in her arms, letting him get to that point himself, when it happened. First she felt his tears soaking her neck, then the silent whimper and then the sobs that he couldn't control. "Go ahead Fox, you've been holding your feelings for much too long, let it out," she consoled as she rocked him slightly letting him cry as long as he could. Teena Mulder stood in the hallway listening to the past, she herself crying at the sound of her sons sobs and still being unable to run in there and hold him, take the rightful place next to him, instead of Margaret, she couldn't. She walked past the opened door, Margaret raising her vision at that moment, seeing Teena walk by. She had a feeling Teena had been there the whole time. "˜Why had she not come in, her son needed her at this moment. Well if his own mother wasn't going to be there to protect him, to tell him it was okay to cry, she was not going to abandon him,' she thought to herself. They stayed like that for what seemed hours, but in fact five minutes had only past from the moment he had started crying. After he felt that there wasn't a tear left in him, he raised his head, wiping the wetness from his face, embarrassed at what he had done. "I'm so sorry, you must think I'm a wimp, a cry baby," he smiled. "Not at all son, men can also cry. Are you okay?" she asked. He chuckled at the last sentence. "Now I know where Scully gets that phrase. Yes, I'm okay, as okay as a totally dysfunctional man could be." He got up trying to compose himself. "Why don't you wash up and go down for a Thanksgiving dinner. We have a lot to be thankful for." With those last words, she stood up and left the room, but before closing the door she turned back, "Fox don't worry about Jacob, you did the right thing. He knows it, he still loves you." It took thirty more minutes before Mulder came downstairs. Nobody said anything about his tardiness, they all knew that he needed his time to recuperate, they all knew in their own way what he had been through. The dinner table was set up in all its beauty. The turkey browned to perfection, yams, mash potatoes, everything that the traditional Thanksgiving dinner had. The house had so many wonderful aromas that filled the air. The essence of pumpkin pie filled their nostrils. The five sat around the table, Mulder and Mrs. Mulder taking the ends of the table, Scully sitting adjacent to him, Jacob next to Scully. Mrs. Scully sat at the other side of the table. The clicking of spoons, forks and knives filled the house, bowls and plates moving around the table. When they all had filled their plates with food, Mrs. Scully spoke up. "Okay, okay now I know you guys are going to raise the eyebrows and say "˜oh brother', but don't you think that we should go around the table and say a little something," she suggested. "Mom," Scully protested. "Hush, we are * all * going to get our turn. Who wants to start?" she asked, complete silence around the table. "Okay, let's not all talk at the same time, I'll start. Although the rest of my family wasn't able to be with me, they are in my hearts and I know they are thinking of me. With that out of the way, I want to thank God for everything I have been given this last year and my whole life. I'm in the company of wonderful people, family and friends that I love"¦ next" she said, looking at Teena Mulder. Teena and Mulder's face connected both looking at each other intensely. "I know it's been hard for me to express my feelings through the years, I"¦ I know that I have not been the best mother, but"¦ I"¦ I"¦," she tried to say then gave up, "I want to thank God for all we have." Mulder sighed, bowing his head in frustration. "My turn, my turn," Jacob giggled. "I love my mommy, I love my grandma, and my other grandma, and I"¦ I still love you daddy, even if you spanked me. Your turn mommy," he said turning to face Scully. "I also want to express the same feelings as mom, although the rest of my family isn't here, I have them in my heart. Mrs. Mulder, I want to thank you for inviting us over and having this wonderful meal. Jacob, my little Jacob, you have taught me so much. And Mulder, what can I say about you, only that I want to thank you for always being there for me." "Why don't we just start eating, I'm starving," he tried to avoid the inevitable. "Not fair, you have to say something," Mrs. Scully said. He took a deep breath and then started around the table. "Mrs. Scully, thanks for listening to me. Mom, you have been a good mom." He turned to look at Jacob, "Son, Scully said it best, you have taught me so much in the last seven months. My priorities have changed, my wants have changed, you have changed me." He looked at Scully and softly said, "Scully, remember you're my one in five billion," then turned to the others, "Okay let's eat." He stood up starting to carve the turkey. He poured some wine in everyone's glass and poured grape juice in Jacob's. Mulder raised his glass of wine to Scully for a toast and drank the wine. "So Fox, Dana, tell us some exciting assignments you've been on." Mrs. Scully asked. "Just hunting for aliens, mutants and clones, nothing exciting," he answered, pouring himself a second glass of wine. He turned to pour some more wine in Scully's glass. "Just half a glass," she responded as he filled the glass once again. "Son, where does Jacob stay when you are at work?" Mrs. Mulder asked. "With three of my best friends, as a matter of fact, my only friends," he laughed. You like them, don't you Jacob?" Mulder said, looking at Jacob. "They are nice and very funny," he responded, taking a bite of his turkey. Mulder stretched over for the bottle of wine a third time and poured himself another drink. "Mulder, you're not used to drinking, slow it down," Scully whispered to him. "They pick Jacob up after school and keep them at their apartment until I get home. If we are on assignment, Jacob stays there with them. You don't mind, do you Jacob?" Mulder said giddy. "Nope, they show me lots of things. They show me games in the puter," he said, taking a drink of his grape juice. "Daddy, are you drinking what I'm drinking?" "Yea, I'm drinking grape juice, and boy is this stuff good," he joked, pouring himself a fourth drink. "Mom, you know I've been wanting to ask you a question," he started to ask. "What is that?" "Why did you stop taking pictures of me after Samantha disappeared? Never mind. don't answer the question, I don't feel like hearing any excuses," he uttered pouring himself his fifth drink. Scully was busy conversing with her mother and Mrs. Mulder that she hadn't paid attention to how many drinks Mulder had already served himself. Scully turned to face Jacob to ask him a question when she noticed the boy staring at Mulder, a chuckle coming out of him. She lowered her head closer to him, "What's so funny Jacob?" He picked up his finger pointing at his father, "Look at Daddy," he whispered. Scully turned to face Mulder when she noticed his architectural work on the mash potatoes. She leaned over to him, "Mulder what are you doing?" "Hey Scully did you ever see Close Encounters, this is Devils Tower," he snickered, moving his mash potatoes with his fork. "Wait, wait, I know let me make you the Flukeman, do you remember him, of course you do," he giggled, spreading his mash potatoes and starting the artwork once again. "Mulder you're drunk," she softly said. "I'm not drunk Scully, I'm just happy, it's a happy time, it's Thanksgiving," he sarcastically said with a snicker. Okay, I have to shake the lizard, hey Scully do you want to help and hold my wiener," he said words slurring. Scully raised her hand, rubbing her temples, looking down embarrassed at Mulder's words. She didn't dare look up to face her mother or Mrs. Mulder. Jacob started giggling watching and listening at his father. "Um, daddy said wiener," Jacob laughed "Fox!" Mrs. Mulder said angrily, "Dana, take his glass of wine away from him. You are not drinking anymore today." "Mother, I'm not a child, I'm a grown man and I could drink all I want, besides, I just want to take a leak and boy if I don't go now, I'm going to wet my pants," he said, words garbled. He stood up quickly from his seat, "Whoa"¦ hey Scully, X-File right here in mom's house. Something is making this room spin, make it stop spinning," He held on to the chair his body swaying back and forth. "Mom where is the bathroom? Oh that's right I was raised here, never mind." He stumbled slowly from the dinner table to the bathroom. "Mom, Mrs. Mulder, I don't know what got into him. He's never been drunk since I've known him, in fact, I don't think I've ever seen him drink," Scully told them. "Dana, I think Fox is very confused right now. His emotions have been working overtime today and this is just the accumulation of everything. I don't think his intentions were to get drunk. I think it's a method he's trying to forget," Mrs. Scully stated. "I'm so embarrassed. He should not be acting this way, I don't care what problems he has," Mrs. Mulder said angrily. "With all due respect, Mrs. Mulder maybe with a little understanding in"¦" Scully started to say but decided to stop when she got a piercing eye from her mother. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything." "Okay, I'm suppose to unsnap and unzip, umm this is not easy when the room is spinning, you are in there somewhere aren't you," Mulder giggled trying to hold himself to relieve the five glasses of wine. He finally finished, washed his hands and rubbed them on his pants to dry, walking out of the bathroom. "Okay, no more wine for me, well I'll show her," he said to himself walking into the kitchen. "Hey mom, do you have any apple cider?" he yelled from the kitchen. "Well at least he decided not to drink anymore," Mrs. Mulder said. "It's in the refrigerator." "Apple cider my ass," he giggled, walking to the liquor cabinet taking out a bottle of scotch. He poured himself a glass of scotch filling it with ice. He took a quick sip from the glass feeling the burning sensation down his throat. He poured himself another glass and stammered out of the kitchen. "See mother, I'm a good boy, apple cider." He sat down back on his seat. "Do I have to eat my dinner, it doesn't look so good, I mean no offense, I'm sure it's wonderful, but right now -- " he said turning green looking at the food in his plate. He took a hold of his glass of scotch when Scully noticed the drink. She went to grab the glass at the same time Mulder did, spilling the drink all over Mulder's shirt. "Damn it Mulder this isn't apple cider," Scully shouted. "Grandma, is daddy being bad?" Jacob asked, turning to the two older women. "Is this the impression you want to give your son?" Mrs. Mulder asked angrily, walking over to Fox. "I can't do any better than you did," he responded. Teena raised her hand at him, about to slap him but stopped herself. "Mom, I'm sor"¦" he started to say but was unable to finish his sentence, as he saw her leave the dining room. Mrs. Scully got up from her seat, "You take care of him, I'll see if I could talk to Teena." After the confrontation, Margaret followed the obviously distressed Tina into the living room. Jacob's eyes widened as he quickly put his hands over his face, visions of the warehouse popping in his mind. "Daddy," he yelled. "Shh Jacob, nothing happened. Your daddy said something he shouldn't have. Your grandma got her feelings hurt," Scully tried to explain. She turned her attention to Mulder, watching him try to wipe his soaked-shirt. "Mulder what the hell has gotten into you? You've hurt your mother, now you have Jacob worried," Scully scowled. "Teena, he didn't mean what he said, he's drunk and confused." Mrs. Scully said. "I wanted this weekend to be a nice one. I know I haven't been the best parent. I wanted this to be a start for both of us," Mrs. Mulder responded sadly. "Have you tried talking to him?" she asked. "I've tried a couple of times. The first time I heard him playing with his son and I didn't want to interrupt. Earlier today I wanted to talk to him, but when I walked by his bedroom, I heard him talking to you. He seemed very upset. I wanted him to be able to express himself and get it out of his system. I felt that he wouldn't be able to do that with me," Teena Mulder explained. "I'm sorry Teena, you should have been in the room with him instead of me." "Maggie, I'm thankful that he had someone to talk to. If I was in there with him, all we would have done was argue." "You don't know that. Teena, he's going to be here until Tuesday mornings, you still have four more days to make amends, for both of you to make amends. Now let's get out there, heaven knows what your son has done or said." Maggie teased, as they both walked back into the dining room. "Fox, why don't you change your shirt. Dana you better help him up the stairs before he passes out," Mrs. Mulder said. "Mommy can I come with you?" Jacob asked. "You better stay here, I'm afraid what your father is going to do," Scully said trying to stand him up, holding him under his arm. He stood up staggering a little then started walking towards the stairs. "Scully, make the room stop spinning." "Serves you right." They went into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. "Okay, take off your shirt while I get you a clean one. Do you think you can do that?" she asked trying to move him close to the bed. He started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt, "Scully why are the button holes so small?" he asked slurring his words. "Mulder, take off your shirt," she demanded walking towards the dresser, pulling open each drawer until she found where his t-shirts were at. "Here's a nice tee-shirt," she said turning around, "Mulder what the hell!" she shouted. He was standing there, shirt off, pants down to his ankles, and in the process of dropping his boxers. "You know Mulder, you will never touch another drop of liquor as long as I'm around. Now why in the world are your pants off?" "Scully, can we have sex?" Mulder asked giggling. "Get your pants back on," she demanded. "You're no fun," he pouted, bending down to retrieve his pants, the room spinning faster and faster. "Oh God, I don't think I could." She walked over to him, bent down picking up his pants, trying to maneuver them over his hips. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against his chest. "Scully, I love you," he whispered. "Mulder, why do you have to say those three words when you're either delirious or drunk?" she asked snapping the buttons of his jeans back on. Now here, let me help you with the tee shirt and let's go back downstairs. You're not giving you're son a very good holiday. For that matter, you're not teaching him a very good lesson," She scolded. "Scully, why don't you go ahead. Let me lie down for a bit, let me sober a little," he suggested to her. "That's not a bad idea, just don't take too long," she replied heading towards the door. He slowly sat on the bed trying to get his bearings. Once his eyes focused he slowing lay down on the bed. "Well Mulder, you really screwed this evening. You've insulted your mother, you've embarrassed your partner, and to top it off, you've embarrassed her in front of her mother, and as everyone has said mentioned, you've really set a great example to your son" he said to himself. "I need a drink," he announced out loud, maneuvering himself back to a sitting position and figuring how he was going to escape. "˜But first I want another drink'," he thought to himself, walking out the door and slowing going downstairs. He went to the liquor cabinet only to find it locked. "Locked, I can't believe they locked the cabinet," he whined like a child. Plan two, he didn't have a plan two, for that matter he didn't have a plan one. Maybe if he took a walk. The car would be out of the question, in fact, he knew he couldn't even drive. He wondered how he was going to walk to the back door without anyone seeing him. He walked holding on to the wall, peeking around the corner when he caught Jacob's eye. "Shhh," he motioned with his finger. Jacob smiled and looked away, thinking he was doing his dad a favor. "˜Mission accomplished' he thought closing the back door carefully so as not to make any noise. He took a step backwards and turned around only to nearly bump into his mother. "Mom, what are you doing here?" he slurred his words. "Thinking, What are you doing outside?" she returned the question. "Um, fresh air, yes I'm getting some fresh air," he mumbled. "Let's go inside, it's cold out here," she said. She took a hold of his arm and walked him in. He felt like a thirteen year-old getting caught sneaking out of his bedroom window. "You're going to sit down and eat some dinner. I noticed that you drank your dinner," she said, sitting him at the table, getting a plate. She served him some turkey, stuffing and mash potato. He looked at it, face turning green at the site. "Mom, I'm really not hungry," he said trying to push the plate away. "Eat," she demanded and walked away. Jacob came running to him, sitting on the chair next to him. "Jacob, do you want some turkey?" "Nope, I'm full," he answered. Mulder stirred the food around, spreading it on the plate so it would look like he had eaten some. He remembered during his childhood that he had this down to a science. He remembered the times that he would spoil his dinner by eating cookies and then figure out a way to eat his dinner. Spread the food, making it look empty, and that's what he was doing right now. "Jacob, go sit with Dana, I'm going to go wash my plate." Jacob went running to the couch, sitting next to Scully. He cupped his mouth and whispered something in her ear. "Where are you going Mulder?" Scully asked. "I'm taking my dish in the kitchen, is that okay?" he asked sarcastically. He took his plate, rinsing it and placing it in the dishwasher. He was about to leave the kitchen when he noticed the bottle of wine. He looked towards the door making sure that no one was coming in, then quickly gulped the bottle of wine that had a third left of wine. "Oh my, that wasn't a good idea," he said, feeling the rush to his head and the instant spinning of the room. He walked out slowly, holding on to the walls. "Well, it's been a great day and a great dinner, but I am exhausted," he said feigning a yawn. "Mom, Mrs. Scully, Scully, I'm going to bed. Come on Jacob let go," he said slurring his words taking each step carefully. He turned his head facing Jacob when a wave of dizziness hit him. "Scully, can you come with me for a minute? I need to ask you something," he lied, hoping that she would help him up the stairs. "Good night," the two older women said simultaneously. Scully got up, walking towards Mulder. "Scully, help me go upstairs," he said holding on to her for balance. "So Mulder, do you want another drink?" she asked annoyed. She held his arm and started walking with him trying to make it as nonchalant as possible. Her hopes were to hide from the two older ladies his drunken state - as if they didn't know it already. Jacob saw Scully hold his dad so he quickly followed suit holding his other hand. "Thanks Jacob, he's going to need both of our help," Scully said, looking at the little guy trying to take care of his dad. They walked across the living room, passing the two women sitting on the couch. "Thank you Mrs. Mulder and Mom for a wonderful dinner. I think we will retire for the night," Scully said in passing. "Is he going to be alright?" Margaret Scully asked. "Let's hope not, he needs a good lesson," Scully said irritated, then turned to Teena "Sorry Mrs. Mulder." They reached the first step of the stairs when Mulder stopped dead in his tracks, "What's wrong?" Scully asked him. "The steps are moving." "Don't look down," Scully ordered helping him move faster, Jacob trailing close behind. They had barely reached the top of the stairs when Mulder's hand raised to his mouth. "Scully, I'm going to get sick." They hurried him into the bathroom, barely in time for him to throw up the contents of his stomach. "Yuck Daddy, you got it all over you and the bathroom and everything. Grandma is really going to get mad at you," Jacob said grossed out at the sight. Mulder fell to his knees embracing the toilet seat, retching the glasses of wine and scotch he had consumed. "Mulder, I hope you puke your guts out," she said exasperated. "Thanks Scully for your love and understanding," he said between heaves. "Hey, you put yourself in this situation. Jacob, take care of your father while I go get him a change of clothing." She walked out of the bathroom at the same time the two older women were going into their perspective bedrooms. "Mrs. Mulder, I'll make him clean up his mess," she said, walking into Mulder's bedroom. She retrieved a pair of boxer shorts, his sweats and a tee shirt then walked back into the bathroom. "How is he Jacob?" she asked him. "Mommy when I got sick we were in the car but now we aren't in the car. Why did Daddy get sick?" he asked not understanding. "That's a good question Jacob, why don't you ask him that when he stops getting sick." Scully wet a washcloth and started wiping his mouth. "Are you done?" He looked up, his face completely pail. "I think so." "Take off your clothes and get in the shower," she ordered. "I don't want to look down, it makes me sick." "Well figure out a way then." She was not going to make him forget this little selfish episode. He had completely ruined the dinner and now he was paying for it. "Jacob, could you help me take off my shoes and socks?" he asked the boy. Jacob complied by bending down, trying to untie his tennis shoes. Mulder proceeded to pull down his pants and then his boxers then slowly taking off his shirt. Scully had already started the shower water then started cleaning where Mulder had missed. "SCULLY, the water is freezing," he yelled walking right into the spray. "Sorry Mulder, I thought it was warm," she grinned. "Finish showering and get dressed," she mandated, leaving the room. He wasn't about to do anything that would upset her more. He knew he was in deep trouble so following her instructions to the letter would be in his best interest. Jacob stayed in the room, helping his father the best he could then they both walked to the bedroom. Scully had already pulled the covers to his bed when they both walked in. "Thanks Scully, you still love me don't you," he tried to butter her up. "Mulder, shut up and get to bed." He walked slowly, sitting at the edge of the bed. "Jacob, put your pajamas on and climb in," he said slowly. "No, Jacob is not sleeping here tonight," she insisted. "But Mommy, I always sleep with Daddy," Jacob sadly said. "Jacob honey, your father isn't feeling well. You don't want him getting sick all over you do you?" Jacob's face changed from sad to disgust in a matter of seconds. "No way," he said getting his pajamas from the drawer. He walked to Mulder and gave him a good night kiss. "Daddy, I think Mommy isn't happy with you." Mulder tried to give Scully his "˜sad look' to soften her. "Not this time, Mulder. You should have thought of this before your little childish episode. Come on, Jacob." Mulder raised up his legs to the bed and slowly put his head on the pillow. "Scully, the room is still moving. Scully"¦" he said, but this time Scully had to take pity. She walked back to him bending down, her face close to his. "I'm sorry Scully, I'm one sorry son of a bitch, aren't I?" "Mulder, no you're not, you're just hurting. I know why you pulled this little stunt," she whispered, kissing him on his forehead. He tried closing his eyes but between the room spinning and the constant nauseous feeling, he was unable to fall asleep. Tossing and turning was out of the question since that would only make him dizzy. "Okay this was not one of my brightest moves, now I know why I don't drink," he thought, feeling his stomach gurgle. "Maybe a walk in the cold night air will sober me up." At any other time, he wouldn't think twice stepping into his running shoes and running a couple of miles, but today he'd be lucky if he could walk straight. He carefully bent down putting on his socks then slipping his feet into his tennis shoes on the floor and slowly brought his feet up onto the bed so he could tie the shoelaces. He had his sweat pants and tee shirt on already, all he needed was his jacket. "I won't need my weapon, maybe just my wallet" he pondered walking to the dresser and putting the wallet in the pocket of his jacket. Mulder's slow even steps took him out of the bedroom walking down the hall. He passed Scully's bedroom wanting to go in there to see the two people he cared about more than life itself. He debated whether he would chance it, heart winning he held the knob of the door and slowly opened it. The light from the moon beamed into the room, showing a ray of brilliance shine on the two. He stood there for a couple of minutes watching the two as their chests moved slightly up and down with the rhythm of their breathing. He wanted to get in bed, snuggle against Scully, but tonight would not be the night. He leaned over placing a slight kiss on Jacobs's face, watching him twitch his nose at the feel of Mulder's stubble. He walked out of the room promising himself that Friday morning he was going to have a long talk with everyone he had hurt that evening, which was everyone there. Still woozy, he held onto the rail of the stairs and took the steps slowly making sure not to look down. One thing about living in this small community, a late night walk was always safe, doors left unlocked and on the hot days, only screen doors would separate the outside world. He started walking slowing down the path, not knowing where he was heading, just walking, clearing his head. He looked at his watch planning on walking maybe about an hour out and then heading back. The cold breeze felt good, but he still felt sick, at times stopping to rub his stomach trying desperately not to puke anymore liquid out of his system. A mixture of wine and scotch was not the best taste coming out instead of going in. Sometimes his photographic memory was more of a hindrance than a plus, remembering every part of his life. He needed to know so much of his past, he needed to know who CSM was. Was the Smoking Man his mother's lover? Was he the father of Samantha, him or both? Why did they choose Sam over him? Sure he was told everything that night in Diana's apartment about the conspiracy, about everyone in the consortium having to hand over a loved one, but was that all true? He was so close to the truth with the floppy disc that Jacob had hidden, he had the answers in his hand, but he chose Jacob over the truth. He remembered having to do that once before trading his sister, whom he thought was his sibling, switch places with Scully. He remembered the ache in his heart when he had to tell his father that he once again had lost his sister. He ached and wanted his father to hold him. He didn't care if he was a 37 year-old man, a son always needs his parents, no matter how old he is. But instead his father's anger overshadowed everything. Mulder's eyes became teary as he remembered that night when he tried to be a man and not cry in front of his father, but his father was so angry. Looking down at his watch, he realized it was now 3:00 in the morning, and he had been walking for two hours. He did feel better, the dizziness seemed to be leaving him, and all he had was a ferocious headache that was now turning into a massive hangover. He figured he had a two hour walk back which would take him close to 5:00 in the morning, if anyone woke up in the household they would surely worry and the last thing he needed was to put himself in a bigger predicament. He walked close to the side of the road hoping that a passerby would pick him up. After all, this was a safe area, Chilmark was a quiet place. He started walking west, heading towards Gay Head, about five to six miles he came to a beautiful multi-hued layered cliffs with 150-foot cliffs. He started heading back and after 30 minutes a smokey-colored 56 Ford Pickup slowed down stopping just ahead of Mulder's path. "Sir, do you need a ride? You must be cold?" the young passenger asked. The young man looked to be around 24 years old, blue eyes, his hair pulled back in a shoulder length ponytail. "That would be great, I was just taking in the night air when I realized how far I had walked," Mulder said. The passenger got out of the truck, waiting for Mulder to move into the center of the seat. The passenger getting back in the car. "Did you have a good Thanksgiving Dinner with your family?" the driver asked. Mulder looked over to his left seeing the driver hands holding the steering wheel. He noticed a snake tattoo on the top of his hand. He smiled at the reminder of his Scully having a similar tattoo but her's was in another place that only he could see. "Well, maybe one day," he smiled. The driver was about 28 years old, but unlike his friend, he was a robust male possibly towering over 6'5' and at least weighing a close 300 pounds. "Where do you live?" the driver asked. "Just follow this road," Mulder said, pointing straight ahead. "Your name is?" the passenger asked. "Fox Mulder, and yours?" he replied. "My name is Lloyd and my friend is Derrick," the driver said. "So what takes you out at this time of night?" Derrick asked. "Thinking. I guess holidays do that to people," Mulder responded. "Um, that it does. You look like you have the world on your shoulders. Maybe a drink will help you forget," Lloyd said, bending down picking up a brown grocery bag that was on the floor of the truck. "Say do you want a can of beer, we didn't get much celebrating today?" Lloyd asked. "It's against the law to drink and drive," Mulder said, feeling an instant reminder of the retching event from earlier that evening. "Ah common, there isn't any police around. It's our way of saying thanks," Lloyd pressed. Mulder's instinct in years of police work hit an instant warning sign. How many times did he tell Jacob not to get in cars with strangers. But this was Chilmark; a quiet place, a place where everyone came to get away. "You know, I really do appreciate the lift, but the night is beautiful and I really want to walk home," Mulder said, nuzzling his hand slowing to his waistband, remembering his Sig was left at home. "Now, now, we won't have you walking home. Who knows what shaky people are out on the road at this time of night," Derrick smiled an evil grin. Lloyd took out a six pack of beer, pulling the tab of a can and handing it over to Mulder. "No thanks, I already did my share of drinking today, and my head and stomach really are not thirsty." "We insist, drink," Lloyd insisted, pushing the can of beer in his hand. Mulder's position in the middle of the two didn't help matters any. If he goes along and drinks the can of beer, maybe they'll let him go. He took the can of beer and drank it, feeling the coldness of the liquid go down his throat. The first taste was refreshing, but the smell of the liquor made his stomach turn and the reminder of the retching a few hours before was still permeated in his mind. He drank the can in a few big gulps hoping to make the two happy. "That was good right, here have another," Lloyd said handing him another can, while he pulled two more out of the bag. He pulled the tab of one of the can's handing it over to Derrick. The two gulped down the can of beer with gusto. "Come on, it's not nice to drink alone," Derrick instead. "Okay boys thanks for the lift but I think I'd like to walk the rest of the way home," Mulder said uncomfortably. "Now, now this is not the way to thank us for the ride," Derrick said, lowering his left arm to the side of the seat, and with one swift movement retrieved a gun that was hidden under the seat. He raised his arm moving it over his right arm pointing it at Mulder. At the same time Lloyd opened the glove compartment taking out a handgun. "Come on guys, this is Thanksgiving. You did a good deed by giving me a ride, now why don't you just pull over and we'll forget this ever happened," Mulder tried to bargain. "Mister, do you have family?" Lloyd asked, holding the gun in one hand, taking a sip of his beer with the other. "I have a son," Mulder said. "Are you married?" Derrick asked. "There's someone special, yes," Mulder answered. "Well, then why are you not with your lady, snuggled with her, or holding your son. Leave the lonely nights for people that really are lonely," Derrick told. "Lloyd, give him another beer. Obviously he must be having family problems." "I really don't want another"¦" Mulder words were ineffective. They gave him a third can and watched him drink it all. Mulder knew that if he took another sip he would surely puke and he really didn't want to. Then he thought a good retching on them in their nice classic truck would be the answer to his escape. He had lost all sense of time, only that maybe three hours had past since his asinine idea in taking a walk. Derrick pulled the truck to the side of the road motioning Lloyd to get out of the vehicle. The two men walked out of the truck, gun still in hand gesturing Mulder to get out. He felt sick to his stomach and was starting to have a buzz all over again. He slid his body until he got to the end of the seat and got out of the truck. He did a quick panoramic view trying to register the scenery and catalogue it in his brain for future use. He noticed they had driven to the beach, the truck parked at the edge of the cliff that inclined down to some huge rocks. "Put your hands behind your neck and lock your fingers," Derrick demanded. Mulder hesitated trying to talk himself out of the situation but did not have an option when Lloyd had jammed the gun on his ribs, so he decided to do as he was told. "Search him. Maybe he has money?" Derrick ordered. Lloyd frisked him, then put his hands in Mulder's jacket pocket. "A wallet," Lloyd said excitedly. "Just cash, no credit cards," Derrick told. Lloyd ruffled threw the wallet pulling out sixty dollars. "This should buy us some more six-packs," Lloyd laughed. "Well looky here, this guy is a FBI agent," Lloyd told Derrick taking Mulder's FBI I.D. card from the wallet. "Do we know how to pick them. Now what?" Lloyd asked. "Don't worry, they won't find him." "Look guys, just take the money and go. My partner will notice that I'm missing and she'll be looking for me," Mulder tried to make them understand. "So your partner is around the area, or is she your girlfriend. That's it, she's your "˜special person'. Well, she will have to really look for you," Derrick said. Mulder had turned to face Lloyd trying once again to reason with him when he felt an enormous blow on the back of his head. He felt the instant pain and then blackness. Derrick had raised his arm with enough force to knock anyone into unconsciousness. Mulder was standing at the edge of the cliff, when he felt the blow his feet slipped on the loose dirt. Lloyd tried to grab him, but was unsuccessful. The two saw Mulder tumble and roll down the hill, finally wedging his body between two boulders. "Derrick , what if he's dead," Lloyd nervously said. "Just take the money and throw his wallet over the cliff," Derrick instructed. Lloyd pulled out the sixty dollars, wiping the wallet as best he could with his pant legs, then tossed the wallet, business cards, identification card and pictures all across the incline of the cliff. Friday - Day after Thanksgiving He stretched his body trying to wake up then started rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He turned to his side realizing that he wasn't in bed with his dad. He didn't like sleeping anywhere else except with his dad but his mom didn't let him because his dad had drank too much grape juice and he was acting funny. Well, he was going to his room right that minute to get in bed with him. He tiptoed out of Scully's bedroom, closing the door behind him, walked across the hall then opened Mulder's door. He walked in the darken room towards the bed. He noticed the blanket and sheets were pulled to the end of the bed. "Umm, where are you daddy?" he whispered looking around the room. He knew that sometimes he couldn't sleep so he would sit on his couch watching television. "That's where he's at," he thought. He walked down the stairs, in the living room, in the kitchen and nothing. He then thought about the basement. Maybe he's down there looking at his pictures again. He opened the door to the basement. It was dark and it frightened him, but he needed to find him. The room was empty, then he remembered about the gun. He wanted to see it again, but if his dad knew he was there, he would surely get spanked again. But his daddy wasn't around. He walked down the stairs and let the curiosity win over. He remembered that his dad had hid the box, but he saw where he put it. He took the steel box, opening it up, taking the gun out again. He looked at it, put his finger on the trigger, then remembered the sting on his behind. He quickly put the gun back in the box, closed it and placed it back where he found it. By the time he went upstairs, a tinge of fear and recollection hit him. He remembered the men taking both his dad and him to that awful place and the men beating his daddy up. He would go outside, but it was still dark and he started getting frightened. He ran upstairs, going back into Scully's bedroom. "Mommy mommy daddy is gone!" he said excitedly. Scully half-asleep struggled to get her eyes open, barely hearing the words that Jacob was saying. "What time is it?" she asked, looking at the clock and seeing that it was 5:30 a.m. "Jacob honey, it's still night, get back to bed." "No mommy. They took daddy away." "If I find him in his room, can we go back to sleep," she said struggling to get out of bed. He shook his head, already pulling her arm making her stand up. They walked to Mulder's bedroom, opening the door and seeing it empty. "He can't be running right now. Not with the hangover he probably has," she said out loud. "He must be downstairs." "No mommy, I looked everywhere, even in the room under the floor." "You mean the basement?" "I don't know mommy, the room under the floor, where the gun is." She took the boys hand walking to the different rooms finding it empty. "Let's go back to his room," she said trying to make the boy feel better. Jacob climbed on his bed while Scully looked around. The desk drawer where she saw him put his gun was still locked. His wallet was not there and neither were his tennis shoes. She tried to remember what jacket he had brought to the house, then started looking around. "Jacob, let me sleep with you. I bet that he just went running. His running shoes are gone and so is his wallet." She told him trying to stifle a yawn. She went in Mulder's bed with Jacob and after 15 minutes of tossing and turning, the sleep took over. Even his eyes hurt, as he tried to struggle to open them. He was also cold, in fact he was freezing. The last he remembered was putting his arms up behind his neck and then complete darkness. He tried to lift his left hand trying to see what time it was, "6:30, I've been out for a couple of hours. I guess all they wanted was my cash for more beer," he thought, knowing that he must have been unconscious during the whole time. His head was splitting, not knowing whether it was from the hangover from the night before drinking binge or the concussion that he knew he had. The slightest movement of his head brought a dizziness that made his already nauseous feeling, ten fold. He tried to do a check over of his entire body trying to see if there were any broken bones. He tried sitting up, but quickly realized that that was not a good idea. He noticed his right leg in an awkward position when he tried to straighten up. His right ankle was wedged between two rocks. He tried to loosen it, but the pain was excruciating that seemed to spread throughout his body. He slowly raised his hand up the back of his neck where he felt dried blood clotted on his hair. He tried to move again, until he heard himself scream in pain. His right shoulder was surely dislocated. The urge to throw up was getting stronger as he tried desperately to erase it from his mind. He was hoping the fresh or shall he say the freezing cold breeze would take away the feeling. "No," is all he said when he quickly tried to turn on his side. He was forced to ignore the pain on his shoulder as he threw out the leftover beer that he was forced to consume. He held onto his stomach with each heave, bending over in pain. The more he threw up, the more he needed to, until all that was left was dry heaves. Mulder started rubbing his stomach trying to soothe it, remembering how his mother would do that when he was a child, in bed sick with the flu. "Mom was so different with me before Samantha was taken. She really did love me back then," he pondered. He was so sleepy, his eyes were starting to close, but from past experience he knew that with a concussion he had to stay awake, "Stay awake Mulder, stay awake," he thought as he drifted to sleep. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~ "Daddy, I don't want to see that again, you always see that gate thing. I want to see some cartoons," Jacob pouted, sitting on the floor in front of the television set. "Jacob?" Mulder said confused, glancing over at the television set. Mulder turned his head back to the child, then was shocked to see Samantha lounging on the floor, wearing the familiar nightgown. She looks up at him impatiently, a Stratego game is before her. "Fox. It's your move." "Samantha?" Mulder looked at her in shock. Mulder glances at the familiar game board on the floor. He looks up at the child who is now Jacob. "Daddy, it's your move on the stego game," Jacob said. "Are you going to move or not?" both Samantha and Jacob asked in unison. "Mom and Dad said I could watch the movie --Buttmunch" Samantha said. "Daddy, I want to see cartoons," Jacob whined. "What's happening?" Mulder asked, rubbing his eyes looking around the room. Everything looked familiar, it was his home, his mother's home, just like it was back in 1973. Suddenly the lights went out in the room. Samantha looking curiously around the room, Jacob sitting next to her. "Daddy, I don't like the dark." Mulder realizes that this has happened before, he shakes his head in disbelief. The pictures on the wall start rattling. The game board shakes on the floor, game pieces rattle and fall over. Samantha stands up looking at her brother, "Fox!" "Daddy what is happening?" Jacob cried. "No, not again. I won't let this happen again," Mulder shouts, trying to get closer to the children but feels paralyzed, unable to move. Light beams through the window, blinding the three. Mulder turns his head looking at the window, then quickly to the door watching the knob slowly turn. He reaches for his gun, but he doesn't have it. He looks up at the cupboard seeing the steel box. He throws it to the floor, watching the box open with his father's .38 pistol falling out. He drops to the floor reaching for the gun but he can't reach it. He looks up panicked watching Samantha float in the air, moving towards the window. He stretches again trying desperately to get his father' gun but is stopped by the sight of a man's shoe. He looks up to see a tall slender man looking down at him, laughing at him. Mulder doesn't want to believe it, but it's him, it's John Lee Roche. The walls are shaking, a loud rumbling of a spaceship turns into the sound of an idling car engine. Roche crouches to the floor placing his hand over Mulder's trying to reach for his gun. "I'll take your son this time," Roche said laughing out loud. "Fox, help me Fox," Samantha yells. "Daddy, help me Daddy," Jacob screams. Mulder looks up from the floor, frozen at the sight of his sister hovering up and outside the window. He turned his head to see John Lee Roche holding onto Jacob forcing him out the door. "No, No, not again, not again," Mulder yelled breathlessly, eyes popping open. He looked nervously around from the cold sand, his ankle throbbing in pain. He raised his hands to rub his eyes, but the pain of his dislocated right shoulder stopped him. "It's a nightmare, that's all it is another nightmare," Mulder muttered over and over. "Scully, what have I done this time. Come and find me Scully. Jacob, Jacob --" he whispered. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Jacob sat up abruptly from his sleep, "Daddy?" In her sleep, Scully heard the sound of Jacob's panic voice, "Jacob, what's the matter?" she asked. "I don't know Mommy, I thought I heard Daddy." "You were probably dreaming. What time is it?" she asked turning to the clock on the nightstand. My gosh, it's 8:00 in the morning. He has to be downstairs." Scully said more to herself than to Jacob. A quiet knock on the door brought her back to reality. She opened the door to see a surprised Mrs. Mulder. "Dana, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you --" she started to say. "Mrs. Mulder, it's not what you think. Never mind, have you seen Fox?" she asked, opening the door letting Mrs. Mulder come in. "Grandma, have you seen my Daddy?" Jacob asked worried. "No, isn't he here?" "Mrs. Mulder, Jacob woke up at 5:30 in the morning. He came to Fox's bedroom to find it empty. We looked around the house but thought that maybe he needed a run, well maybe a walk to clear his mind. He does that often. We were worried, so we decided to stay in his room. What better place to see him when he got home," Scully tried to rationalize. "I've been up for about an hour. I haven't seen him at all. I came up to ask him what he wanted for breakfast," Mrs. Mulder said nervously. "I don't want to frighten you. He probably went for a run and lost all track of time. I'm sure he's alright," Scully said, not really believing her own words. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Mulder started getting desperate, the pain on his ankle and shoulder was getting worse. The sun was starting to get warm but the breeze of the ocean kept him cold. He looked at his watch again, only to see that it was barely 9:00 in the morning. "Maybe they are missing me now?" he thought to himself. "Heck after how I acted yesterday, no one's going to look for me." His headache wasn't getting any better and the smell of his own vomit close to him was getting him sicker. Then to top everything off, he had to go to the bathroom. A vision came to his head that even in his condition he just had to laugh. He pictured a baby boy lying on his back being changed by his mother, coldness hitting his penis, spraying straight up. "And that's what's going to happen to me if I don't find a way to turn to my side," he grinned. He carefully turned to his side, and with his left hand managed to pull his sweats low enough to urinate. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "Something is wrong," Scully said to Margaret Scully, pacing back and forth. "Mom, something has happened to him." "You don't know that. He probably is too embarrassed to face us all." "No mom, he wouldn't leave Jacob by himself for so long." Jacob walked into the living room, his face showing the fear he was feeling. "Mommy, the bad men took him again. Daddy is hurt, I know he's hurt," Jacob said, trying hard to hold back his tears. Teena Mulder walked in the room joining the rest, "Maybe he just --" she started to say, "I'm worried Dana, what if --" "Mom why don't you stay here with Jacob in case he comes back. Call me on the cell phone if he shows up. Mrs. Mulder and I will go look for him," Scully ordered. "No Mommy, I want to come too," Jacob whimpered. "Son, we have to stay here. What if he comes home and no one is here. He'll be worried about you," Mrs. Scully said, bringing the boy close to him. "Should we call the police?" Teena asked. "He hasn't been gone long enough to report him as a missing person," Scully said. She got her keys and jacket and headed towards the door, with Mrs. Mulder close behind. "Mommy, please Mommy I want to go," his cries were louder. "Dana honey, what's the harm. Take the boy. I'll stay back in case he shows up," Mrs. Scully said. Scully looked at Jacob realizing the fear he had on his face. She knew he had to be thinking back of the attempted kidnap on him and the beating of his father from the two men that had taken both of them. "Okay then, come on, let's go find your daddy." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Mulder's eyes were getting heavy again, he didn't want to go to sleep. He was afraid of the dream he had before--the nightmare, the replay of Samantha's abduction and the new fear he had for Jacob. He tried to push himself up to a sitting position but was forced back down by the position of his ankle. He closed his eyes just for a second. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Daddy, I don't want to go with her. Daddy, she's taking me away," Jacob screamed. Mulder started running towards Diana, but was too late as he saw her force Jacob in the car. Mulder approached the car, trying to undo the seatbelt from the open window. "Jacob, Fox is not your father, he never was and never will be. You'll never see him again," Diana yelled to Jacob; Mulder listening to her words, seeing the confusion in Jacob's face. "You're lying mommy, he is my daddy," Jacob screamed back, pounding his fists on Diana's shoulder. He turned to face Mulder, "You are my daddy, right, you are my daddy." Mulder was about to answer him when Diana slammed down on the accelerator, leaving Mulder standing there. "Jacob," Mulder yelled, running trying to catch up with the car. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Jacob," Mulder heard himself screaming as he opened his eyes again from his fever induced sleep. He was hungry, sore, splitting headache, hangover and now a fever to add to all his other injuries. "Scully, please Scully." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Scully drove the car out of the driveway stopping it in front of the house. Teena Mulder opened the back door, helping Jacob in the back seat. He quickly put on his seatbelt while Teena Mulder climbed in the front seat. "Where shall we start looking?" Mrs. Mulder asked. "I don't know," Scully responded closing her eyes, her head lowered to the steering wheel. "Mulder, where would you go?" Scully asked quietly. After about a minute, she raised her head, turned to face Mrs. Mulder. "We past some cliffs when we came here yesterday, clay colored cliffs, which direction are they?" Scully asked, not really knowing why that popped in her mind. Mrs. Mulder turned her body, motioning to the opposite direction. They drove slowly along side the road, Jacob's face flushed against the window looking at every passerby. "Mommy, where is Daddy? Did someone steal him away?" Jacob asked. "Or did he run away because we were all mad at him?" "Nobody was mad at him, Jacob. You know he likes to go for a run in the mornings. He probably just stopped at the beach to rest," Scully tried to console. "No, someone took him away again. Grandma, you were mad at him and he was sad and he went away and now someone took him," Jacob said crying. "I wasn't angry with him. I just --" Teena Mulder said, looking at Scully. "Jacob, we'll find him. Why don't you keep on looking out the window," Scully said, driving slowly. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The hours started passing, Mulder's back aching from the hardness of the ground. He closed his eyes again trying to shade himself from the sun. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Don't tell me they went to bed without us telling them. This is a first," Teena said, walking in the darkened house with her husband. They walked towards the stairs, Bill nearly tripping over the box on the floor. "What happened here? Where is my gun?" he asked making it more of a statement than a question. He crouched down to get the box when he noticed Fox pressed up against the corner of the room, knees up, his arms wrapped around them, swaying back and forth. "What happened, where is Samantha? Where is my gun?" Bill shouted asking the same question, grabbing Fox by his shoulders, and shaking the boy. Fox's eyes were fixed at the window across the room, his body trembling with fear, still clutching on to the weapon. "Samantha, Sami," Teena's cries sounded through the house as she ran from room to room looking for her only daughter. "Dammit Fox, are you going to tell me what happened? Where is your sister?" "I'mmmm sorrrrryyy Dad, I trriiiiedd," he stuttered out his words. Teena came into the room at that moment joining her husband and son. "It took her, I triiiied. Dad, I trieed but I couldn't get the gun." Fox started to cry. "What do you mean 'it' took her?" Bill asked grabbing him by the shoulders, bringing Fox closer to him. "The light, Mom I'm so sorry, the light took her." "You let them take her. You were supposed to be taking care of her. We trusted you to watch your sister and now she's gone --" he yelled. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Mom, Dad, I'm sorry," Mulder shouted out of another dream. His ankle was swollen and the pain on his shoulder was now getting more than he could handle. His head was throbbing and the nausea was returning. His eyes were so heavy, so tired, maybe if he just -- ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Mulder was in the basement of his apartment building, Padgett next to him trying to throw the pages of his story in the fire. A gunshot was heard from the floors above. Mulder looks up, confused at what he should do, leave Padgett to burn the pages or go up and see if Scully was all right. He can feel that something was dreadfully wrong, as he takes two steps at a time. He ignores the elevator running up every floor. He opens his apartment door and sees her. She's on the floor dead, blood all over her blouse. Crimson red flowing from her body onto the floor. The puddle getting bigger and bigger. His shock overpowers him and he freezes for a second, not believing what's in front of him. He walks slowly to her, kneels down looking at her carefully, trying desperately to see her chest move up and down-any sign of life. There isn't any movement, not a trace of life. He bends down, wrapping his arms around her back as he brings her up to his chest. Scully's head flops back with the weight. "SCULLY, NO DON'T LEAVE ME," Mulder's scream surrounds the room. He places her back on the floor, knowing that she has left him. He bends down covering her body with his, holding her as tight as he can. He can't cry, the tears won't come out, all he could do is scream at the top of his lungs, "WHY, WHY HER? Why take everyone I love away from me?" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Mulder's eyes popped open once again, his breathing rapid, almost uncontrollable. Another dream-- another nightmare, "I don't want to close my eyes anymore," he thought to himself. As the hours pass, mentally he was confused at what was real and what was a dream. His lips were parched from the long hours without liquids. The continuous vomiting he had been doing was causing him to dehydrate. He tried desperately to move to his side to relieve himself, but the pain on his shoulder was now to the point where it was unbearable and the awkward position of his ankle was ominous. He didn't know what he was doing anymore; he didn't care if he wet himself, besides help wasn't going to be there anytime soon. He was going to die there "fitting, I'm going to die close to where they took Samantha," he said out loud. One minute he would burst out in laughter, thinking how life had dealt him a cruel deck of cards. There were moments of screams and moments that all he would think about was Jacob. He had lost his mother's love and now Jacob would lose a father. "I wasn't meant to be a father, how can I take care of you Jacob, if I am such a mess myself." Then thoughts of Scully would fill his mind. "My Scully, I have been such a fool. Why have we been playing this cat and mouse game. I love you Scully. Why can't I tell you that." He would shout, tears flowing down his face. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ It was now 2:00 p.m. and Scully was starting to lose patience. She had lost count at how many times she had driven the short miles back and forth from the cliffs and to his mother's house.. "We're wasting time this way, why don't we park the car and walk sections at a time. He has to be around here. There isn't anyplace that he can be," Scully said. The three agreed that anything would be better than the constant driving. They walked down the manmade rock stairs going towards the beach, searching in every direction. Jacob walked between the two women, clutching both of their hands. The one thing that was on their side, was the weather. It was November, but luckily the temperature was unlike any normal November day. The breeze was very cold and with every wave that pounded on the sand, came a gust of coldness that chilled them to the bone. Jacob mimicked the two women looking all around. He looked at the incline of the rocks and thought he saw something. "Mommy, Grandma, what is that shiny thing up on the mountain?" he asked, letting Scully's hand free, pointing to the top of the incline. The two women looked up following the path of his pointed finger. "I don't know Jacob, it looks almost like something black, maybe a --,wait here," Scully ordered, walking up the sandy hillside. She carefully walked up the steep cliff, holding on to the rocks that were scattered along the way. With each step closer to the black object, a pang of anxiety would hit her. The closer she got to the object the more it looked like a wallet; it was a wallet. She recognized it right away-it was his. She opened it up to see only his drivers license. She put the wallet down quickly surveying her surroundings; noticing pieces of cards along the cliff. She hurried picking up the FBI identification card, Mulder's business cards. She hurried down the cliff, nearly falling; she needed to tell them of her findings. She joined the two, showing them the wallet. "It's Daddy's," Jacob yelled. "My God, where do you think he is Dana?" Mrs. Mulder asked, her hands over her mouth in despair. "He has to be somewhere near. These were scattered by the rocks. Why don't you stay here and I'll go back up and search around," Scully said, giving the wallet to Mrs. Mulder. "NO, I want to help!" Jacob hollered. "I don't want to stay down here. We can climb up carefully. The three of us can look faster than just one person," Mrs. Mulder suggested. "Okay then, Jacob you have to hold on to my hand," Scully said, taking his hand and started climbing carefully up the incline between the rocks. Another thirty minutes past, when Jacob thought he saw something move up against two rocks to the right of them. "Mommy, what is that?" he asked pointing. Scully tried to focus her eyes, trying to see what the boy was pointing at. "I don't know, let me go look." She left Jacob standing next to Teena, while she climbed further up. "Mulder, my God!" she said, falling to her knees. "He's over here!" she yelled. The two hurried to catch up to Scully. Right before the two reached Mulder, Scully put her hand up to stop them from getting any closer. Teena understood by the hand motion that maybe it would be best to hold Jacob back. She grabbed the boy by his shoulders stopping him from going any further. "But Grandma, I have to see Daddy," he pleaded. "Honey, why don't we wait till your mommy calls us. Maybe she needs to check to see how he is first," Mrs. Mulder told him, bending down to his level. Scully gently put the back part of her hand, stroking his face, "Mulder." His eyes fluttered, the sunlight making it hard to open his eyes until he finally was able to adjust his focus. "Scully, I was sure you wouldn't find me this time," he whispered. "My gosh Mulder, what happened to you? Where does it hurt?" "The question should be, where doesn't it hurt?" he tried to smile. She took her jacket off, then her shirt she had over a tee shirt. "Scully, I hurt too much to mess around," his voice barely a whisper. "Shut up Mulder," she responded, getting her shirt and cleaning his face. "How many times did you vomit? Did you hit your head?" she asked, pulling her cell phone from her jacket. "I can't remember, too many times to count. I don't know if I threw up from the drinking or from the head concussion I received," he murmured. "Daddy," Jacobs yelled. "Jacob, is he here?" Mulder quickly asked. "Yes, he didn't want to stay behind. Your mom is here too. I don't know if it's a good idea having Jacob see you this way," she questioned "I need to see him Scully. I had these dreams; very bad dreams about him. I need to see him," he said licking his parched lips. "I don't think it's a good idea but if you insist," she said, turning around motioning the two to get closer. Jacob sprinted to a run reaching his dad, falling to his knees. "Daddy the bad man took you, didn't he," he cried. Mrs. Mulder came closer, putting her hand over her mouth shocked at the site of her son. "My God Fox." "Mrs. Mulder, is there an ambulance service in this town?" she asked. "There's a committee of around 30 volunteers that work at the ambulance station." "What about a hospital?" Scully asked, ready to dial for the ambulance. "We have a small hospital between Oak Bluffs and Vineyard Haven, that's where they'll take him," Mrs. Mulder told. Scully got in touch with the ambulance service telling them their location, then putting the phone back in her jacket. "Let me examine you," Scully said going into doctor mode. She placed her hand behind his head, as gently as she could, feeling for any bumps or abrasions. "You have a gash back here, but it looks like it has stopped bleeding." She pushed his hair out of his face going through every part of his scalp and forehead making sure that he didn't have anymore bumps or cuts. "My ankle Scully --" he mumbled. "And my shoulder." She moved down to his legs, feeling his thighs and legs for any broken bones. "Daddy did you pee?" Jacob asked, watching Scully examine his thighs, noticing his wet pants. "Jacob," Scully said harshly. "That's okay Scully, Jacob I was too lazy to get up," Mulder joked. "Nothing broken so far, but let's look at that ankle; it's really wedged in between these rocks. Okay Jacob I need your help as well as your help Mrs. Mulder. We are going to try to move the rocks. Jacob when we lift the rocks you have to try and take your dad's foot out, but you have to be fast and careful. And no matter what you hear, don't stop." He looked at her confused, "What noise?" he innocently asked. "Me screaming or crying," Mulder told. The two women tried moving the rocks but were unsuccessful. "We can do it, come on let's put a little more strength," Scully ordered. After a couple more times, the rocks started loosening up until finally they separated the rocks barely enough for Jacob to pull Mulder's swollen ankle. Mulder tried desperately not to make any noise so as not to scare the boy, but the pain was unbearable. "Okay now let's look at that shoulder, yup it's dislocated. Let me try to wrap my jacket around your shoulder to immobilize it." "Scully, put it back in place," Mulder whispered. "No, I don't want to right now. The paramedics are coming-they'll do it." "I want you to do it, you'll be gentle," he muttered. "Gentle is not what you need, and you know that. Besides it will be too much for your mom or Jacob to witness." Mrs. Mulder sat there watching her son in probably one of his worst conditions she had ever seen him in. She wanted to hold him in her arms, but she couldn't. Too many years had gone by without showing any kind of emotions. She didn't know how to hug him anymore. "Scully, I need to throw up again," Mulder said, rubbing his stomach, trying to hold it in. "Mulder there isn't anything in there anymore; try and hold it." "I can't," he said, turning his head, retching what was no longer in his stomach. Jacob picked up Scully's shirt and started wiping his mouth. "You'll be better Daddy. I know how it feels," he said sympathetically. The sirens were getting closer. "I'm running up the cliff, both of you stay with him," Scully said, heading for the top of the incline. In a matter of minutes, the paramedics were at his side. An IV drip was administered, a splint put on his ankle and his shoulder bandaged security. "Mrs. Mulder can you take the car to the hospital, I'm going in the ambulance with your son," Scully said. "And please, can you call mom and tell her we found him. Tell her to meet us there," she said giving her cell phone to Teena. The hospital had 27 beds that offered the basic hospital services, including surgery and intensive care. Mulder was wheeled in the emergency room, Scully close behind. Mrs. Mulder and Jacob drove back to the house to pick Maggie Scully and quickly drove to the hospital. Scully was pacing the floor when the two women and Jacob arrived. "How is he honey," Mrs. Scully asked hugging her daughter. "He'll be just fine. He's dehydrated, has a temperature, a dislocated shoulder and I'm not sure how his ankle is," Scully said. "My goodness, what happened?" her mother asked. "He hasn't been able to tell me. I suppose we'll find out when we are able to see him." A pained yelp sounded from the examining room that got everyone's attention in the waiting room, making Jacob jump. "Daddy," Jacob said concerned. Scully bent down to Jacob trying to comfort him. "Jacob, your father is doing just fine. They had to work on his shoulder. When he fell, he landed on his shoulder, which made it dislocate. See, right here --" Scully explained placing her hand on his shoulder trying to make the boy understand. "This bone right here, comes out of it's socket and they have to put it back in. It hurts a lot but it will feel a lot better." Jacob bowed his head trying to understand. "Dana, I don't think it's a good idea that Jacob is here. He's too young to see his father in this state," Mrs. Mulder said worried. Jacob looked up at his grandmother, upset at what she had just said, "Grandma, I have to see my daddy. I have to take care of him." The doctor came out of the examining room, joining the waiting family. "Mr. Mulder has been through quite an ordeal. He is being fed intravenously. It was a miracle that nothing was broken. The shoulder is back in place and his ankle is very badly sprained. It looks like the bump on his head did give him a concussion, but not bad enough to worry. I would like to keep him overnight for observation. He'll be able to go home tomorrow. He told me that you are his partner and his doctor?" the doctor turned, facing Scully. "I am his partner, and yes I'm also a doctor," she responded. "Then he'll be in good hands. He did confide in me that during his unconscious moments, he had horrible nightmares and he's afraid to go to sleep. We are going to give him something to help him sleep. When you take him home tomorrow, you can do the same. That's if he asks for the medication. The medication will help him relax. I suggest that you keep an eye on him. He didn't really mention what happened, but he might be suppressing the event and it's manifesting in his dreams. You can go see him now, but don't be long-he needs his rest," the doctor said, walking towards Jacob. "And you are?" he asked. "He's my daddy. I have to take care of him," he said proudly. "I see your dad is in good hands. I'm sure he wants to see you, go on in." Scully took a hold of Jacob's hand starting to walk in the room, when Mrs. Mulder stopped them, placing her hand on the boy's shoulder. "He'll be alright Mrs. Mulder, believe me, he's seen him in worst shape. I think it will be worse for both of them if they don't see each other," Scully told her. Mrs. Scully was the first in the room, walking around to the head of the bed. "You had us all worried," Mrs. Scully said, bending down giving him a kiss on the forehead. "I'm sorry Mrs. Scully, I just went for a walk." Margaret Scully stepped back, giving room to her daughter and Jacob to get close. "Do you want another drink?" Scully whispered, taking her turn bending down kissing him on the forehead. Mulder took that quick moment to whisper in her ear, "I dare you to me on my lips." "Like I said before Mulder, in your dreams." She picked Jacob up putting him on the bed with him. "Be careful you don't hurt his right side." "Daddy, what am I going to do with you?" he said flabbergasted. The whole room chuckled at the remark of the boy. "What happened daddy?" "Son I did something I've told you many times not to do. I got in a car with strangers," he said, trying to wrap his good arm around him. Scully helped by maneuvering the IV's out of the way. Jacob lay down along side of him kissing him. "Daddy, you have to stay in the house because you always get in trouble," Jacob said. Mrs. Mulder walked closer to the bed, putting her hand on his leg. "How are you feeling son?" she asked, staying a distant away. "I'll be okay, mom, sorry I worried all of you." Scully sat on the corner of the bed holding his hand, unconsciously caressing it. Mrs. Scully walked up to the head of the bed, combing his hair back with her hand. "Grandma, why don't you come and kiss him. You're his mommy right?" Jacob innocently said. Mrs. Mulder's uneasiness was clearly shown in her body language. She walked to the head of the bed, on the opposite side, taking his left hand. "You had me worried," she told him. "You have a son now Fox, you have to think things clearer before you do something foolish." Scully and her mom looked at each other, knowing that, that wasn't what Fox needed at the moment. "Well, I think we better let you rest. The doctor said that you will be released tomorrow, we'll talk then," his mom said, walking towards him and giving him a quick kiss on his forehead. "Mom why don't both of you go home, Jacob and I will stay here with him. I'll call you when we need to be picked up," she told them. "Alright, Fox we'll try having another Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow when you're home; and this time no drinking for you," Margaret Scully teased, giving him a good-bye kiss. "We'll pick you up tomorrow," Teena Mulder said, letting go of his hand joining Maggie at the door. The door closed leaving Mulder, Scully and Jacob alone in the room. There was silence in the room for a long time. Scully didn't know what to say to him, she knew what he must have been thinking. She could see him stare blankly at the ceiling, his adam's apple moving up and down, swallowing his will power. She knew he was trying to suppress any emotions at that moment. "Mulder can you tell me now what happened?" she asked him, trying desperately to change the subject. "I.. I couldn't sleep; the room was still spinning so I thought I would take a walk to think. I walked for a couple of hours not realizing how late it was. Around 3:00 in the morning I thought I had better head back or I'd have my head on a platter. It would take me about two hours to get back so I hitched a ride. Hence, the 'never get in a car with strangers' theory. The two guys seemed okay for the first 15 minutes of the ride. They then decided to party and started drinking some beer. Of course they didn't want to drink alone so they forced me to drink three more cans. By the time I finished, I had a buzz all over again. They decided to take my money and throw me over the cliff," he whispered, holding the boy close to him, caressing his head, and watching Jacob fall asleep. "I'm sorry I haven't been the best company this weekend. In fact, it hasn't been a pleasant one for anyone." "I know what's been happening Mulder. This weekend has been filled with memories for you-- unpleasant memories--hasn't it?" Scully asked. "I don't know why. Maybe the holidays bring these feelings forward. It's silly, I know. I know I haven't been fair to Mom. She invited us to enjoy our company and I --" he trailed off with his words. "Why don't you go to sleep," she suggested. "NO, I don't want to go to sleep. I slept already," his voice coming out louder than he wanted it to. "Why don't you want to go to sleep?" Scully asked, remembering the doctor's words. "No reason, I'll try." The hours passed with, Scully sitting next to the bed watching Mulder sleep. She noticed his sleep was not peaceful, his expression on his face twitching at whatever dreams he was having. Visiting hours passed Scully started waking Jacob up so they could go home and get a good night rest themselves. "Jacob, let's go home now. We'll come back early tomorrow so we can take your father home." "No, I want to stay here. I won't hurt him, I'll be careful," Jacob said. "The nurse's won't allow it. We'll be here first thing in the morning. Besides, your father needs to rest or he might not be able to come home tomorrow." With those words Jacob thought that it would be best to go home and make sure that his dad would be home the following day. Jacob crawled closer to his face giving him a kiss, Scully walking close to him, doing the same. They left Mulder alone; alone to handle his own nightmares. "I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry, I tried --" Mulder's nightmare came back. Saturday - 2 days after Thanksgiving Jacob had now slept away from his father two nights in a row. He didn't like it, he needed to go see him now. He hurried Scully, getting impatient with her as she got ready. "Jacob, no matter how early we get there, we can't bring him home until the doctor sees him," she tried to explain. They drove to the hospital, stopping at the nurse's station. "Good morning Dr. Scully, Jacob," the nurse acknowledged both as they approached. "Hello, please just Dana. How is he doing?" she asked, feeling the tug on her pant leg. "What Jacob?" "Can I go see him?" he pleaded. "Sure you can. I'm sure he'll be very happy to see you. You know where the room is," the nurse told Jacob. Smiling from ear to ear, he quickly walked to the room to see his father. "Your son is very attached to his father. I think that was one of the reasons he was restless last night," the nurse mentioned. "Yes Jacob is very attached to his dad," she said, listening to the nurse's words. "Son had a nice ring to it and no one needed to know any different. How was Mulder last night?" Scully added, changing the subject. "He didn't sleep well last night. We tried giving him some meds to relax him, but he wouldn't take them. He said he was afraid to go to sleep; kept on saying he'll have nightmares," the nurse explained to Scully. She tried to hide her concern for her partner, but that was the second person in two days that mentioned about his nightmares. She knew he had them frequently, but now she was worried that the events of the last couple of days had brought his dreams ten fold. "In our profession we see a lot of things that aren't very pleasant. He tends to bring the cases home with him until they get solved. With each case, I think a part of him goes with it. Has the doctor released him yet?" "Yes he has, as a matter of fact he gave me instructions to give to you. I'll get the medication and everything ready for his release." "Daddy are you okay?" Jacob asked, running to the bed. "I'm okay. I missed you son. Where is Dana?" "Mommy is outside talking to the nurse. Daddy I think you can come home today. I love Mommy, but I don't like her taking me showers and sleeping with her." Mulder smiled motioning the child to get closer. Jacob stood on his tiptoes giving him a kiss. Scully walked in the room, the nurse behind her pushing a wheelchair. Scully had brought a change of clothing for him to dress. "Mulder, I think the tee-shirt is out of the question," she said, looking at his tightly bandaged shoulder. At least they didn't cast your ankle." "It's just badly sprained. Can we go home now?" he asked impatiently. The nurse left the wheelchair and left the room. Scully walked up to Mulder, bending over the bed, giving him a quick kiss on his lips. "How are you feeling?" she whispered. "Tired, sore, hurting, let me see--anymore adjectives I can say." "The nurse said you couldn't sleep. What's going on in there?" she asked, tapping her fingers in his temples. "Later, not now," he responded looking at Jacob. "Daddy do you want me to help you get dressed?" "I'm afraid that's not all your going to be helping him with. Come on Jacob, let's help him," she said, bringing the railing down. I don't know if you're going to be able to dress yourself, want us to help you?" Scully asked, giving him a mischievous look. "I want the nurse to dress me," he shot back. "If that's what you want," she responded walking out of the room. "I'm just kidding," Mulder quickly said. Scully came back into the room with Nurse Paul, a big burly male nurse. "Paul, I think my partner needs help changing. Come here Jacob, let's give him some room." Mulder gave her the dirtiest glance he could muster. Nurse Paul helped him out of the hospital gown, slipping on his boxers and sweat pants. He helped him out of the bed, carefully bringing him to the wheelchair. Scully brought his jacket, placing it over his shoulders. "You're going to get it Scully," Mulder said under his breath. "Maybe you'll learn one day to stop throwing in your two cents." They checked him out of the hospital, Nurse Paul pushing the wheelchair, waiting in the lobby for Scully to drive the car to the front door. "You win," Mulder said, breaking the silence in the car. "What are you thinking about?" "How we are going to get you in the house. Can you put any weight on your foot?" "I'll try, Scully, why don't we head on home today? You can pack our clothes, and drive back. I'll even let you stay a couple of days until I can maneuver around," Mulder suggested. "No Mulder, there are too many loose ends. You and I are going to have a long talk." They drove to the front of the house, waiting for the two older women to come out and help them. They opened the door to the car, swung his legs around the seat and slowly had him in a standing position. "Put your weight on me," Scully said, her arms wrapped around his back, his left arm around her shoulder. He took step by step, very slowly until they finally reached the house. The three women abruptly stopped looking at the stairs in front of them, obviously all three thinking of the same thing 'how are they going to get him upstairs'. With pure determination and taking it very slow, they finally got him to his room and helped him in bed. "Do you want to eat?" Mrs. Scully asked. "I am hungry. I think it will stay in my stomach." "Daddy, do you want some grape juice?" he asked innocently. "Who put him up to that?" Mulder asked, looking at the three. All three shaking their head, lifting their shoulders. "Out of the mouths of babes," Scully said. The tray of food was brought to him, "Let me guess, turkey sandwich?" he asked. "Daddy how are you going to eat with that thing on your arm?" Jacob asked, looking at the bandaged shoulder. "Do you want to help him eat?" Scully asked. Jacob shook his head, walking to the tray, getting the fork and helping him with the potato salad. Teena and Margaret walked into the room, "We're going to the store, Jacob do you want to come with us?" "I think that's a great idea, Jacob why don't you go with your grandmas? Besides your dad has to rest," Scully said. Scully moved the tray out of the way, helped him lie back on the bed and covered him with the afghan. "So Mulder I'm listening," she said, sitting at the edge of the bed. "Listening to what?" Mulder asked, knowing why she was asking that question. "Mulder I know you didn't want to be here, but you told me you were going to try. Yesterday was a disaster but I can see that you've suffered the consequences. I imagine the reason you went walking was to clear your head, but to get in a car with strangers; what were you thinking?" "One of my bone-head ideas, right." "The doctor and nurses told me you were having nightmares last night. Now, I know they are part of you, and I wouldn't think twice about them, but they emphasized how afraid you were to go to sleep. Are you going to tell me about them?" He turned his head facing the window in deep concentration, "I had a concussion, I was dreaming crazy things." "Yes I understand about having nightmares at that time, but what about the hospital, what did you dream there?" "The same thing, over and over again," he mumbled. "Are you going to tell me?" "Not now please, later," he tried to avoid the questions. "Alright later. Right now I want you to take a nap; I'll be downstairs," Scully said, testing him. "NO," he abruptly said. "No what?" she responded picking up the tray. "Um, I am tired, but can you stay here; until I fall asleep," he said flustered. "Why do you want me to stay?" she pursued. "I'm afraid to go to sleep, I don't want to dream anymore, not the dreams I've been having." "Which are?" she asked again. "I'm afraid that my dreams will come true." "Let me take the tray to the kitchen; I'll be right back," she said walking out the door. Scully took her time downstairs, cleaning the kitchen, washing the dishes, leaving him alone for awhile. Mulder lost the battle, drifting to sleep. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "You were suppose to be taking care of her-we trusted you," Bill Mulder yelled, crouching down to Fox. "I'm sorry Dad, I couldn't --" he said horrified at the look in his fathers face. "What do you mean, you couldn't?" his voice echoing through the house. "Bill, we have to call the police," Teena cried. "No, not yet," Bill answered quickly. "Who took them Fox, why didn't you stop them? You had my gun," Bill shook the boy's shoulders violently. "I couldn't move, I didn't see anyone Dad. I.. there was a light, a strong light," Fox whimpered. "What are you talking about a light, you're not making any sense. You didn't care about your sister," Bill shouted illogically. Fox raised his tear stained face not believing in the words his father had just said. "Dad, that's not true, I loved my sister," his voice quivered. Bill stood up, grabbing Fox's arm forcing him to stand up. "Dad -- I loved her, I just couldn't move. I wanted to do something, but I couldn't, I..." Bill's hand raised at the boy's last sentence, striking him on the side of his face. Fox instinctually raised his hand to cover his face. That only infuriated his father. He unbuckled his belt and pulled it out of the loops of his pants. He grabbed his son's arm, striking him on his backside. Bill's anger blinded him, whipping the boy harder and harder. Fox knew from past experience that if he tried to protect himself, it would only be worse. He took the beating, looking up to his mother, his face pleading her to protect him, to intervene, "Mom please," he begged. But she didn't, she just stood there, her face blank watching Fox get whipped. "Get to your room, I don't want to see you," Bill shouted after he tired of hitting him. Fox could barely move, his backside and thighs stinging. He walked slowly up to his room, trying hard not to cry anymore. He went to his room, falling on his bed, smothering his face on the pillow trying so hard to stifle his cries. "Bill, please call the police. They can't be that far away," Teena pleaded. "You don't understand Teena, we can't call the police," he shouted, throwing down the belt, "I have to go somewhere, I won't be back until tomorrow," he added storming out of the house. Fox heard his mother's cry. He heard her coming up the stairs, "Mom, I need you, please come here," he whispered a prayer; but his mother didn't come, instead she went in her room. He needed his mother so badly, he wanted someone to hug him, "I tried, I do love my sister," he muttered walking slowly to his mother's room. Before he walked in the room, he heard her talking, but to who? "She's calling the police, she wants them to take me away," he thought. "You have to come here, they took Samantha," Teena told someone on the phone. "Bill took off, he said he's not coming home until tomorrow. I need to see you, please come over; Samantha is gone," Teena's rambling sentences jumped from topic to topic. "I need to see you." Fox kept on listening to the one way conversation. "Fox was here with her, he said he didn't see anything, just a light. Yes I'm sure, Bill is too upset, he won't come back until tomorrow." With those last words, she hung up the phone, Fox hurried back to his room. "Maybe she'll come and see me now," he wished. But she didn't go to him; he lay on his bed, holding the picture of Samantha and him, close to his chest. A short time passed when he heard a car park in front of the house, he slowly got off of his bed walking towards the window. It was he, the man that sometimes came over when his father was gone for days. He would only come over when his dad was away. He didn't like him there because all he did was smoke, and smell up the house. The smoking man walked towards the front door and walked in without being let in. Fox opened the door just far enough to peek at the man walking up the stairs and walking in his mother's bedroom. "Teena, sweetheart I'm here," Fox heard the man say to his mother. He walked slowly towards the room, trying desperately not to make the floorboards creak. He saw the man sit on the bed, taking his mother in his arms. Her sobs were loud until they were muffled by the man's chest as he hugged her tenderly. "Where is Fox?" the man asked. "I don't know; in his room I think. Bill beat him, he hit him really hard," she cried. "I thought he was going to kill him." "I told you Teena, he won't harm the boy. I won't let anyone ever hurt him. I'll always protect him. He's our.." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Mulder, you're having a nightmare, Mulder get up," Scully said shaking him carefully from his thrashing. Mulders woke up startled, gasping for air, his face soaked with perspiration. "Mom, mom --" he shouted. "Mulder it's me, you're dreaming," Scully said. It took a couple of moments before Mulder got his bearings, looking around the room, trying to focus. "What were you dreaming about?" Scully added. "Where's mom? I need to ask her something." "Your mom, Jacob and my mom went to the store, why?" she asked. "Tell me about the dream," she insisted, hoping that maybe if he talked about it, it would help him. "Not important, I just need to ask her a question," he insisted. Local Restaurant The two older women sat in a family restaurant watching Jacob eating his hamburger and fries. "Jacob, does your burger taste good?" Mrs. Scully asked. "Uh huh," Jacob answered, taking another bite. "You have been a wonderful surprise for me; grandma sounds beautiful," Mrs. Mulder said smiling at him. "I wanted a grandma and now I have two," he responded looking up to both of them smiling. "Didn't you have a grandma?" Maggie asked. "Nope, no grandma and no daddy. You know, I always wanted a daddy. When I was little I was sad because my friends had daddy's and I didn't. I asked my mo --," he started to say, then stopped, thought of his next sentence and then continued, "I wanted a daddy so bad and then one day I got to be with my daddy." "Where is your mother?" Mrs. Mulder asked, pushing him into talking about his birth mother. He shrugged his shoulders, "my mommy is with daddy." "Dana, but Dana isn't --" Mrs. Mulder started to say, feeling a gentle touch from Maggie. Taking the hint, she decided to change the subject. "You know you can stay with me when your dad leaves on business trips," Teena Mulder said. "I stay with my uncles, Foheek, Byers and Laney. They are very funny and teach me lots of things in the computer," he said unable to say correctly the name of the Lone Gunmen. "Teena I'll go pay the bill," Maggie said taking the check in her hand. "Jacob, does your mommy and daddy live in the same house?" Mrs. Mulder pried. "Sometimes mommy stays and sleeps at our house. I want mommy to live with us all the time. When mommy is in our house, daddy is very happy, but when mommy goes to her house, daddy is sad." "Where does your mommy sleep?" Mrs. Mulder asked, trying to get information from the boy. "On the couch. I don't know why because the bed is very big. You know what grandma, sometimes I see them kiss, but when they see me they pretend they are not kissing. Sometimes I make them kiss and push their heads together," he said giggling. Maggie walked in listening to the last sentence, "Who's kissing?" "Mommy and daddy, sometimes I make them kiss," he giggled again. "Oh really? Interesting," Maggie noted. "Let's head on back, we've been gone for a long time," Teena said. "You know Maggie, we can get a lot of information out of this little guy. Shall we interrogate him, see what our children are up to?" Teena teased, as the three walked out of the restaurant. Jacob skipping ahead of them, looking through the store windows. "They say that children only say the truth," Maggie said, "Did you notice how he didn't mention his mother. It looks like he's in denial about her, almost angry. He was going to say something then stopped." "Like father like son," Teena retorted. "So you're not going to tell me what you dreamt about," Scully urged. "Scully, I've had so many dreams in the last 24 hours, and none of them are worth talking about; each one ended in disaster." "Mulder you have said before that dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask?" "Exacty, I need answers -- I need to ask mom what Smoking Man has to do with me," he said to her not explaining himself. He tried swinging his legs over the bed trying desperately to sit up. "Where are you going?" she asked. "I need to get out of here, need fresh air." "You're not going anywhere, besides how far do you think you'll get with a sprained ankle?" she asked seeing him struggle. "Let's just go back home, you could take care of me," he said winking his eye at her. "Not this time Mulder, there are a lot of open issues you need to address with your mother and we're not leaving here until you do. Both of you have walked all these years on eggshells. Not communicating, hurting each other by your silence. You need to tell her how you feel." "I don't want to hurt her." "So instead you walk around hurting. Didn't you just finish telling me you needed to know something about the dream you just had?" she asked. "Haven't you always insisted on the truth?" "But maybe I don't want to hear this truth. Scully, I have this feeling in me that maybe Mom and Smoking Man had an affair. I dreamt the abduction again, Scully-I dreamt Dad beating me and --" he said, his voice trailing off. "Go on --" "My mom wouldn't stop him, he just kept on hitting me and -- Well, anyway that's not important. Dad left the house after he sent me to my room. I didn't remember anything that happened after the beating until the dream I just had. Mom called CSM after Dad left the house. Smoking man came and went to Mom's bedroom to console her. I remember him saying that he wouldn't let anyone hurt me, that he'll protect me because he's our -- and then I woke up. I'm what Scully? Am I his son?" Scully sat down next to him, shocked at what he just said. "Mulder it's just a dream, doesn't mean it's true." "You know there's been times; in fact many times I would have been a dead man, but he has intervened, why? If I ask Mom point blank what relationship she had with him, how do you think she'd take it. In fact, the last time I asked her I got a nice slap on the face. So, don't you think I've ruined the holidays enough already, so let's go home." Jacob came running in the bedroom hearing the last sentence, "Daddy I don't want to go home yet." "Did you have fun?" he asked. "Yup, they bought me some toys and we went to eat," he said climbing up on the bed crawling behind him wrapping his arms around his father's neck. Mulder cringed at the slight touch of his shoulder. "Jacob be careful," Scully told him. "Sorry." Scully stood up from the bed, "I'm going to spend some time with Mom. Mulder you have the final word, if you want to go home we will; but I'd rather we don't." "Jacob, I need to use the restroom, want to help me get up?" "Okay," he answered proudly, trying to pull his arm helping him get in a standing position. They slowly walked down the hall reaching the restroom. "Jacob, I want to go down to the basement; need to see some things. Don't let them know where I'm at, okay." Feeling the importance of keeping a secret, the boy helped his dad walk slowly down the stairs, then going down to the basement. "Son, do you mind if you go upstairs with Dana. I want to be alone for awhile. I want to see some things." "But Daddy --" "Jacob, do as I say," he instructed. Jacob walked up the stairs pouting, stomping his feet. The room was musty; boxes colored in age, cobwebs on the corners of the ceiling. He limped to the edge of the room; slowly sitting on the floor, back leaned against the wall. He retrieved a box that was labeled Samantha. He wiped the dust from the box, tearing the worn out masking tape that at one time held the box securely. The box was filled with baby clothes, booties, and little dresses that Samantha once wore. He lifted up the dress, trying to remember her in them. Even with his eidetic memory, he couldn't remember these dresses; after all he was only four years older than Samantha was. Under the clothing were the many books that he remembered reading to her in the late hours when his parents thought that they were asleep. He looked a little further finding Samantha's Raggedy Ann doll. He did remember the doll; in fact he remembered it quite well. Because of the doll he received one of his famous spankings from his dad. He had gotten upset with Samantha and decided to take the doll and cut some of her red clothed curls. The right side of the doll's head was bald, boy did he get a thrashing for this one, he thought to himself. He leaned his head back against the wall, clutching the doll towards his chest. He closed his eyes, trying to rest, trying to go back in time remembering the good days. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "I'm telling Fox, I'm telling mommy that you took Daddy's cigarettes and put one in your mouth," four year-old Samantha said beating her eight year-old brother on the chest with her fists. "You better not tell them or I'll get this old Raggedy doll and throw her in the trash, or maybe your doll needs a haircut," Fox said, walking to his desk in his room taking the scissors out of the drawer. "You better not or I'm telling," Samantha cried. Fox took the scissors, pretending to cut the red cloth hair. Samantha ran to him, grabbing the doll, pulling it from his hands. At Samantha's unexpected attack, Fox accidentally closed the scissors, cutting a good portion of the doll's hair. Sam's eyes widened, tears rolling down her eyes as she saw her beloved doll bald on one side. Samantha ran out of the room, screaming at the top of her lungs. "Daddy, daddy, Fox killed my doll." Minute's later Bill Mulder walked in the room looking for him, Samantha close behind. "Fox, where are you? What did you do?" Bill Mulder asked, looking around the darkened room. Fox had crouched between the nightstand and the dresser hoping his father wouldn't see him. "Daddy, Fox stole your cigarettes and he was going to put fire on it like you do," Samantha tattled, "And then he got mad at me and killed my doll" "He what?" Bill shouted. Fox covered his face knowing that he was a goner now. He had been told before about the cigarettes, now he was in deep trouble. All of a sudden he felt the strong arm grab him, pulling him up from the floor. "What did you do to her doll?" his father's voice roared. "Nothing Dad," he answered nervously, the doll clutched in his hands, hiding it behind his back. "Let's see it then," he insisted. Fox looked at him, hazel eyes turning dark with fear. Bill grabbed the doll from his hands, seeing the bald spot. "You know this was her favorite doll, why did you do this?" he asked, shaking him. "It was an accident. I was just teasing her and I slipped," Fox's voice quivered, knowing the inevidable was coming. "And what's this about cigarettes, were you smoking?" "No Dad, no, I just wanted to put them in my hand, I didn't smoke any," he said nervously. "Who should I believe then, is Samantha lying or are you?" Bill's voice thundered. He let go of his son long enough to unhook his belt. At his release Fox decided to run for it, he knew that was a dumb thing to do, but he wasn't going to just stand there. It took Bill a couple of seconds to catch him, grabbing him by the arm. Fox put his hands on his backside, trying to protect himself, but it only made things worse. He felt the sting with each thrash, his backside hurting after the beating. "Stay in your room, no dinner for you tonight," Bill said angrily walking out of the room. Fox's cried himself to sleep that night. His eyes opened, when he felt the bed move, little Samantha crawling onto the bed, her hands with cookies and a glass of milk. "Fox, I didn't want you to go to sleep hungry, does your bottom hurt very bad." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Mulder's eyes opened, not realizing his eyes were welled with tears. "Except for the memory of his whipping, this wasn't like the previous nightmares. It was a sad one, but the recollection of his little sister brought a different kind of feeling. He placed the doll on the floor, telling himself that this doll was going home with him. He stretched over to another box, labeled 'personal'. He felt like a child again, doing something he wasn't suppose to. He pushed the box away for a second, then smiled, knowing that he wouldn't be getting a spanking for this one. He brought the box back towards him with his good hand, making sure that he didn't hurt his right shoulder. Opening it up, he found envelopes with Teena's name written on them. 'They must be love letters from dad,' he thought to himself. He leafed through the many envelopes, noticing the two different handwritings on the envelopes. This was strange, he remembered his father's handwriting, and this was not his handwriting. His hands itched to open the envelopes; 'maybe the answers were here' he contemplated. February 23, 1961 Sweetheart: I miss you so very much, my love. I know you're confused right now. The last thing I want you to do is for you to have to make a choice. Bill has promised you things that I can't give you right now. He can make you happy. The business we're in makes it difficult for us to be together. Although Bill is in the same business, he has a little more freedom. I'm dreading that day; the day of your wedding with him. But I feel that it's best to keep the friendship with him and keep you close to me. At least this way I can still see you. Love, C.G.B. Mulder's heart pounded at reading this letter, his hands shaking uncontrollably, "This doesn't make any sense. Mom and Dad got married on March 1st, 1960. She's always told me that. But this letter was dated 1961. Did she get married in 1961 and --" he mumbled to himself. 'The date has to be wrong, this letter had to have been written in 1960; yes 1960," he tried to reassure himself. He looked at the box and found more letters with the same handwriting. His curiosity took the best of him as he leafed through the envelopes until he reached the bottom of the box. He brought up a small book, the size of a diary. This was a complete invasion of her privacy; he knew that. But maybe the answers would be in the book. He decided it was time to get back to his room before they missed him. He slowly stood up, taking the doll with him. He was on his way out when he decided to take the letter he opened plus the journal. It was a long way up the stairs but he had to do it on his own. He didn't want anyone helping him and notice the thievery that was taking place. He passed the living room, walking slowly up the stairs, leaning his body on his good side. He turned to see Jacob lying on his stomach on the floor coloring his book. Jacob looked up to see his father struggle up the stairs, he would have helped him but he wanted to sneak back into the room under the floor. There were lots of interesting things to see. Mulder put the doll in the box of his childhood paraphernalia, then slipped the letter in the journal, and then placed it in under the mattress of his bed. Jacob waited until the bedroom door closed, then ran to the room under the floor to see what else he could find. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ He ran in the bedroom, Scully on the floor covered with blood. He stood there stunned seeing the flow of blood leaving her body. What took a few seconds felt like forever when he reached her limbered body? He picked her up, the heaviness of her head dangling over his arms. "Scully, not again, you can't keep on leaving me," he whimpered. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Scully sat on the bed, her hand caressing his temples, "Mulder wake up," she whispered, trying not to startle him. "Scu --." He started to say staring at the very live person in front of him. He lifted his hand touching her face, making sure that she was alive. "Another dream. I'm going to start giving you something to relax you. This is ridiculous." "Scully you're alive," he gasped for air. "Of course I am. Exactly, what are your dreaming about," she insisted. "Earlier today I dreamt of Padgett and you," he explained. "Padgett, I was with him?" she questioned. "Not WITH him, I didn't mean it that way. I keep on going in the apartment seeing you on the floor, but in my dreams you don't wake up. You don't reach out for me--in my dreams you die, Scully. You die in my arms," he said quietly. "Is that what you've been dreaming for the last two days?" she asked him, scooting up closer to him. "No, I've had enough dreams to make a full length movie. Almost every dream has had a bad outcome." "They're just dreams, I'm here aren't I," she reassured him. "Where's the family?" he asked. "They're all downstairs. I think they're watching a movie; just started, Why?" she asked. "Stay with me, maybe if you lie down with me I won't dream," he said innocently. "But what if someone comes in? What will they think?" she teased. "They won't walk in without knocking," he retorted. She reluctantly climbed in bed with him, maneuvering herself close to him, trying not to hurt him in any way. She brought him close to her cradling him remembering how she held him when they were out in the woods looking for the tree people. "Scully, we don't need sleeping bags," he joked, "are you going to sing Jeremiah again?" "Not today," she answered him, combing his hair with her fingers. "I want you to tell me what's going on?" "I feel like I've lived a lie. There are so many things that I don't know. I don't know what happened to my sister. I don't know why my mother has been so distant with me. I don't know what role my father had in the consortium. I don't know why CSM has been protecting me all these years," he said, "and I don't know what's made you stay with me all these years." "Must be your good looks," she teased. "What do you mean about CSM?" "In one of my dreams, I got a little further from the abduction. I dreamt dad leaving the house after he beat the crap out of me for not protecting my sister. I remember mom calling someone and CSM coming over. I saw him go to her bedroom. He mentioned something about me." "Why don't you ask your mother?" "She won't tell me anything. I've tried numerous times," he said, his voice trailing off, her ministrations lulling him to sleep. Jacob tiptoed down the familiar stairs. That room kept on calling him. There were a lot of interesting things down there. Grandmas were busy watching a movie, besides he had told them he was going to see his dad. He looked around at the boxes of books, toys that must have been his dad's. He looked at the pictures, pulling out some of the pictures of his dad when he was about his age. --And there was that box again. He always saw his dad come home with the gun in his belt. He saw him take it off every day after work, along with the small gun that he sometimes kept on his ankle. He would see him lock up both guns in a steel box. He just wanted to touch it, wanted to feel it. He took the gun from the box, turned it around, moving it in every angle. He looked in the box and noticed a small leather pouch, curiosity got to him. He took the pouch, opened it up and found bullets. He looked around, finding an old shirt. He wrapped the shirt around the gun and pouch, then quietly left the room. He knew the consequences but the curiosity was overwhelming. He went upstairs carrying the wrapped object under his arm. Hoping the bedroom door wasn't locked; he gently turned the knob, only to be relieved that it turned easily. He took a couple of steps, noticing the two stilled bodies on the bed. * They must be asleep * he thought, getting on his hands and knees crawling the rest of the way to his duffel bag. He opened the bag, stuffing the wrapped gun at the bottom placing his toys on top. * I did it * he whispered. "Jacob, is the movie over?" Scully mumbled waking up from her slumber. "I dunno know. I wanted to come see how daddy is," he lied. "He's doing just fine. Come here, why don't you take a nap," she suggested. He really wasn't sleepy, but guilt took over and he thought he'd better do as he was told. The rest of the day was uneventful, Mulder doing his best to walk and move his bad shoulder. He needed to get well fast so he could go home. Sunday (3 days after Thanksgiving) Mulder waited until everyone was downstairs when he decided to get his mother's journal from under the mattress. He had stuffed a couple of letters in the journal so he could read them at a better time. 1/20/61 It's six weeks before Bill and I get married, I can't even remember what we fought about. He stormed out of my apartment shouting horrible things. I'm not even sure if our marriage is still on. I had to call CGB; I was so terribly heart broken. As usual he got here in no time at all. He held me for a long time. I know he loves me. I'm very confused. We held each other for a long time. Things started happening. I didn't mean it to happen, but I needed someone. We made love. CGB kept on apologizing, he felt bad. Bill came back that evening, he was really sorry for what he told me. We made love. 3/1/61 Bill and I were married today. It was the most beautiful day of my life. CGB was at the wedding; he couldn't stop looking at me. He looked very sad. Mulder put down the book for a minute, confusion in his face. "Here it is again, just like the letter. The dates aren't matching-Mom and dad got married in 1960, March 1, 1960 not 1961. 5/5/61 Life is good; I'm 4 months pregnant, anxious to see what I'm having. Bill is ecstatic, and so is CGB. "Four months pregnant?" Mulder asked himself, "They were married two months before and she's four months pregnant?" 8/7/61 Bill is starting to get jealous. CGB was his best friend, but he's noticing all the attention he has been giving me. I'm wondering if it's because I'm getting closer to my due date. 8/30/61 There's something going on, I don't know what it is. Bill comes home very upset with his so-called meetings he has with the group of men. He is starting to drink. 9/15/61 I'm so fat; my baby has been kicking non-stop. I don't know what I'm having but I swear he's going to be a handful. Mulder smiled at the last entry he read, but was still confused at the constant mention of Cancerman. 10/13/61 Bill had to go on a business trip last night. I was so upset with him. He knew that I was already a couple of days late. Baby was already overdue. I had a long labor and this stubborn little child did not want to come out. I didn't want to have my baby alone, so I called him. CGB was so wonderful; he was with me with every contraction and every push. When my little baby boy was born, CGB's eyes were filled with tears. I will never forget that. My perfect little boy. He scared me at first, didn't cry-no sound, nothing, but with a little tap on his bottom, he started wailing. What lungs he has. "Stubborn from the beginning," Mulder smiled. 1/23/62 CGB came over with his wife, Cassandra. She's very pretty, very nice. I don't know why I'm upset, jealous, what's wrong with me? I am married. Bill loves me, in his own way. And as for my baby boy, CGB seems to pay more attention to him than Bill. Bill just doesn't know how to show his love. 8/7/62 Little Fox is a handful; just like I said when I was carrying him. His curiosity is driving me crazy. He has to know everything; get into everything. He's already walking, can't control him. 10/13/62 Fox's first birthday, Bill was out of town again. He said it was important, there was nothing he could do. I can't believe his work is more important than Fox's birthday. Again CGB is here for him. He came to the party alone; Cassandra was in California with her sick mother. So, here I am alone with him. He pays so much attention to my baby. If he only knew -- "If he only knew what?" Mulder desperately asked. 4/15/64 Fox, for being such a smart little boy why is it that potty training is not in your vocabulary. I've tried everything. He's just too smart, he tells me 'mommy pee pee' so I hurry, running him to the bathroom, only to find a wet diaper. He then looks at me smiling with those hazel eyes. I'm afraid he knows how to manipulate me. How can I scold him? Hours pass and again 'mommy poo poo' There I go running him to the bathroom again, off with his diapers expecting to see a present for me. No, nothing, "Fox what a good boy, you told me before," I remember telling him. He gives me that smile of his. I sit him on the toilet, his legs barely over the toilet seat. I see him how proud he is, swinging his legs back and forth. Twenty minutes pass, thirty minutes, forty-five minutes. I feel bad for him; his little bottom must be numb. His smile has disappeared, so I take him off the toilet seat, put his diapers on and not even 10 minutes later, I see him hiding under the table. I know what he's done. I give up!!!! "Well, we won't let Scully read this; I'll never hear the end of this one," he mused. He turned the pages only stopping at different sections along the way, stopping at November. 1/22/65 What a difference having this little baby, labor was so much easier. Bill was here every bit of the way. He can't stop looking at our daughter. Samantha, that's what we'll name her. I am shocked that Bill agreed to have Cassandra and CGB take Fox for a couple of days. Actually it was nice of them since Cassandra is due any day herself. Fox seems to really like him a lot. Might be because CGB pays more attention to him than Bill does. 2/12/65 Fox is too mischievous; he is going to age me. I walk into the living room only to find my 4-year old son holding his 3-week old sister in his arms. Her little head is flopped to one side. I try desperately not to startle him so he won't drop her. "Fox honey, what are you doing?" I remember asking him. 'Mommy, she told me she wanted me to carry her.' I slowly walk close to him then snatching Sammi out of his arms. I can see I hurt him, he loves his sister and just wants to help me. Mulder kept on turning the pages, making note that some day he will have to read her whole journal. It saddened him to think that by reading this journal gave him more insight of his life growing up rather than the years of conversation or shall he say non-verbal conversations with his mother. 7/28/70 Scare of my life today, Samantha fell of the tire swing that Bill made for the kids. Fox and Samantha were playing when she was pushed a little too hard. She fell breaking her collarbone. Bill became ballistic with Fox. I was so busy with Sammi that I didn't realize the beating he was giving Fox. I know it was an accident, Fox adores his sister. It's like the two are inseparable. I can see how Fox pretends at her pestering him, but when she's not around, he hunts her down. I want to hold the boy, but Sammi needs my attention. Mulder took a deep breath remembering the incident twice in this short weekend. He didn't even push her, but they wouldn't let him explain. He had already warned her to wait until he straightened her up on the tire, but she didn't listen and started kicking her feet to give herself some momentum. The next thing he knew she was on the ground, falling on her side. He tried to explain to them. 1/23/72 It's getting unbearable lately. I don't know what's going on. The meetings are constant. Bill comes home with splitting headaches. He's drinking more, smoking more. I can see Fox wanting, needing his attention but he's not getting it from him. I'm so busy with Samantha that I feel I'm neglecting him. It's just that he's such a smart little boy that I feel he really can take care of himself. Bill has forbid CGB to come over anymore. And when he does show up it's constant fighting. CGB has even changed his attitude with Fox. He used to adore him, but now he just looks at him. I don't know in what sense. There's something going on. Can't place it. 2/23/72 Bill is constantly gone. And when he's here all we do is fight. I know there is something going on. He keeps on asking me ridiculous questions. Which child do I love best? What kind of question is that? He's always yelling at Fox, my son can't seem to do anything right, can't seem to please him. 10/13/72 Fox's 11th birthday. Bill came home drunk. I kept on seeing Fox go to the window waiting for him. And when Bill finally came home he scolded him for not picking up his shoes from the living room. He sent him to bed; I know he had been drinking. 7/28/73 I'm getting worried, there's strange men coming in and out of this house. There's arguing, constant arguing. 10/13/73 We had a party for Fox. He had his friends over. Bill was finally here that day. Something strange though, he keeps on staring at him. He almost seems loving to him. He actually hugged him today. Very strange. 11/12/73 My God, I can't take this anymore. Bill has finally told me what's going on. He wants me to pick, he told me about the Group. He's told me about having to pick. Is he crazy? That is my son. My first born, how can I choose one over the other? 11/19/73 Bill has tried to talk them out of it. He thinks they won't have to take either one of our children. Fox is not going, neither is Sammi. He has spoken to them. He has made a deal. 11/21/73 They weren't suppose to take Sammi, it was Fox they were going to take. Why didn't they take Fox? Mulder didn't realize that he was holding his breath. Part of the information he had known was confirmed. It was he who was chosen to go, but something happened. For whatever reason they took the wrong child. He closed the book not bothering to read anymore. He didn't want to read anymore. He didn't know what to feel. From the last entry he realized that they wanted him to be taken, why didn't they take him. "Fox, where did you find that journal?" Mrs. Mulder asked sternly walking into his bedroom. He raised his head looking at her; his eyes pained with expression. "Does it matter." "How dare you take this journal and read it without permission. You have invaded my privacy," she shouted ripping the book from his arms. "Mom, I need to know. Why did they take Samantha? If you guys had already picked me to go, then why did they take her instead?" "We didn't pick." "Mom, I read it. What was it that you wrote, and I quote 'They weren't suppose to take Sammi, it was Fox they were suppose to take. Why didn't they take Fox?'" "I didn't mean it that way son," she softly said sitting next to him. "Then what did you mean? Mom I missed you, I needed a mother through my growing up years. I also needed a father. I wish they would have taken me, maybe you would have been a happier family. Now please leave, I'm very tired and I need to sleep. Can you call Scully in here? I need something to help me sleep," he said struggling to lie down on the bed, curling up in a fetal position closing his eyes. Teena Mulder sat there for awhile then stood up, taking her journal with her. She went downstairs finding Scully with her mother in the kitchen. "Dana, Fox needs something to put him to sleep. He wants you to go to him," Mrs. Mulder said. "He what? That's not like him. He hates taking any medication, in fact he refuses to take the medication that is given to him," she said surprised. Teena sat on the kitchen chair placing the journal on the dinner table. She took her hands covering her face. "What's the matter Teena?" Maggie Scully asked. "I've made a shamble out of my life and the life of my family. Things seem to get worse instead of better," she explained. Jacob was sitting on the floor, playing with his toys right outside the kitchen, when the conversation in the kitchen took his attention. "Fox found this journal. I caught him reading it," she explained. Maggie placed her hand on Teena's back, not responding, letting her talk. "Maggie, there are secrets that are meant to stay secret. I can't tell anyone, not even Fox. If I told him what I know, they might come after him. And I can't protect him, only he can," she added. "Who can protect him?" Maggie asked confused. "Cancer Man, as Fox calls him." "Teena, I think it's time to talk to your son. He's a big boy and I'm sure he can handle anything you tell him. You've done a good job raising him," Maggie said. With those words, Teena burst out laughing. "Maggie, he raised himself. When Samantha was abducted I fell apart. I couldn't bear to feel for anyone; not even to my only son. And Bill was filled with guilt --" she explained. Hearing those words, Jacob stood up and walked up the stairs heading towards the bedroom. Jacob opened the door, seeing his father lying on his side, "Daddy can I go to bed with you?" he asked him climbing up on the bed. "I promise not to hurt you or kick you on your owies." "I'd like that," he responded. He snuggled up as close as he could to him closing his eyes. "Daddy, why do you and grandma always fight?" "What do you mean? Who said that we always fight?" "I heard grandma downstairs. She was very sad talking to my other grandma." Mulder held him closer to him, "What did she say?" he asked. "She used big words, but she said something about a secret. She didn't want you to know a secret because then someone would hurt you and she couldn't take care of you. Daddy, please don't be mad at grandma so she won't tell you the secret. I don't want anyone hurting you anymore. Daddy, I don't want you to go away, like --" "Like who, Jacob?" Mulder insisted, knowing whom he was referring too. This would have been the first mention of Diana since his therapy. "Daddy, just don't make grandma tell you secrets," he said his voice starting to sound stressed, holding back his tears. Mulder lifted up his head and kissed him lightly on his forehead. "Go to sleep son, everything will be okay." After about 15 minutes, Jacob had fallen asleep, a few whimpers escaping his mouth. "Mulder, your mother says you want something to help you sleep. What's wrong?" she asked, walking into the room then added, "That's not like you." "Shh, Jacob is sleeping." "Don't worry Mulder, I won't wake him, now tell me why you want something to help you sleep?" "I just want something," he whispered. "Not until you talk to me." "Not important, just tired-too wound up to sleep." "Not good enough, what's going on?" she repeated again. "I found her journal in the basement and read some inserts. There were some inconsistencies that I asked her about and she didn't want to tell me. By the way, what happened downstairs? Jacob came up worried. He said that Mom was upset." "She said she made a shambles of your life and everyone in the family." "That's an understatement," he said exasperated. "She seemed very upset. I'm beginning to wonder who is at fault here," she said angrily. "Mulder you haven't tried, instead everyone here is walking on eggshells. I can only imagine what Jacob must think. So I've decided that you don't need anything to sleep. All you want to do is to escape from what is inevitable. We are not leaving this house until you make your peace with her. If she chooses not to then that's a different story, but for your sake and your sons, you are going to talk to her," with those cutting words she walked out of the room leaving Mulder stunned. She walked out of the bedroom, heading towards her bedroom. She opened the door only to find her mother sitting on the bed waiting for her. "Mom what's wrong?" "Teena is what's wrong. I don't know whom to feel sorry for anymore. One minute I am hurting for Fox the next I look at Teena and what she must be feeling and my heart aches." "I know Mom. I just had a stern talk with my partner and I told him we are not leaving this house until he talks to her." "How did he take it?" "I don't know, I left him with his mouth open," she smiled. "Let me go see if I can make some sense into that thick head of him," Maggie said walking out of the bedroom, heading for Mulder's. She tapped lightly on the door, waiting until the door opened. "Fox, you shouldn't be walking," she said entering his room. "I'm alright. My ankle really does feel a lot better and I have a lot more movement with my shoulder." "I see Jacob is sleeping. Poor little guy, he hasn't been taking any naps while he's been here. Does he usually go without naps?" she asked sitting on the chair next to his bed. "He does get a bit cranky if he doesn't sleep. Umm, I don't think he takes after me," he mused going back to the bed, leaning back on the backboard, stroking his son's hair. "What brings you here. Don't tell me Scully went to tell on me." "No, actually I went to her. Son, what is going on in this house?" He looked at her giving a chuckle, "Welcome to the house of dysfunction." Mrs. Scully looked at him not giving him a return smile, "Fox, I'm taking the liberty to tell you about parenthood. You're mother may have made mistakes during her lifetime, but she doesn't deserve this --" "Doesn't deserve what? I wasn't the one forgetting that I had a child --" he responded quickly. "Don't interrupt, this is my dime right now." He was shocked at her response, sitting up moving his legs over the side of the bed, facing Scully's mother. "As I was saying; your mother probably made a lot of mistakes, but you have to understand that her daughter was kidnapped, abducted, whatever word you want to use. I look at your new status of fatherhood and wonder how you would feel if Jacob was taken away from you?" she asked, but not expecting or letting him response. He opened his mouth ready to say something, but she placed her finger to her mouth not wanting him to interject. I don't know what happened in your early life. Dana has mentioned a couple of things, but out of respect for you, she would not tell me anything; only that you have a lot of pain in your heart, only that for all these years you have been searching for your sister. Fox answer me this question?" She said taking his hand to her. "What is that?" "Why have you been looking for your sister all these years?" "Because she's my sister. I've missed her all these years. I will always miss her," he said softly. "Is that the real reason?" "Of course, what else would it be?" he responded almost upset at her question. "I'm not doubting your reasons. But do you think, I mean really look deep in your soul and think of the real reason you want to find her. Yes, one of the reasons is because she is your sister and you love her. But do you think it's because you want to bring her back to your mother; so that your mother will be proud of you. To makes things right, to get her approval." He took a deep sigh, closing his eyes and leaned his head back, " Do you think that's the reason I've been looking for her all these years, to get my mothers love back?" "I don't know, you tell me. Fox, your father died without being able to make amends. Don't let it happen again. Go to her, talk to her. Don't wait until it's too late." She said standing up, bending down to him kissing him on his forehead. "Now I know where Scully gets her Teenacity." Maggie walked to the door, turning one last time to him, "Son, go to her, be the one to break the silence." He sat there for what seemed to be hours, but yet only minutes had passed. He turned around to face his little boy. He gently shook his son until Jacob started stirring. "Daddy you woke me up," he said yawning stretching his little arms. "Come here." "Why?" he asked confused. Mulder stretched his arms outward welcoming his son to his embrace. Jacob crawled towards him, sitting on his lap being very careful not to disturb his shoulder. Mulder put his arms around the boy and held him tight. He rocked him back and forth without saying a word. The boy was confused but didn't say anything. Jacob wrapped his arms around his father's neck, kissing him on his cheek. "Daddy are you okay?" "I'm okay. Jacob, do you think I'm doing a good job as your father?" he asked, probably realizing that he was asking a question that might be more appropriate on an older child. "You're the best Daddy." "Well, now I have to be 'the best son'" he mumbled helping Jacob off of his lap. "Jacob I'm going downstairs for awhile. You can stay here if you want or go see Scully." He left the room walking towards the edge of the stairs. He held the railing taking each step slowly, not because of his sprained ankle, but because he was going to have to do something that was long overdue. Jacob followed behind him, running down the stairs heading towards the living room where he found his mommy and grandma Scully sitting on the couch. Mulder reached the bottom step, with uncertainty in his voice looked at Scully, "Do you know where Mom is at?" "In the kitchen." "Wish me luck Mrs. Scully," he whispered walking past the couch placing a hand on top of Maggie's shoulder. Maggie bent her head to the side lying it on top of his hand, "You'll be just fine. Let her talk Fox, don't judge, don't find fault, just talk." He walked in the kitchen finding his mother sitting with her back towards the door at the end of the table. She had a mug of hot cocoa in her hands. She picked up the mug, blowing the steam long enough to be able to take a sip. He edged himself slowly towards her, walking behind his mother placing his arms around the back of her neck. He bent down kissing the top of her head. Mrs. Mulder put the mug down, raising her hands up to his. "Mom, I'm sorry about the journal. I really should have asked you." She didn't say anything, but raised his hands towards her lips. He walked to her right side, pulling the chair, sitting close to her. Jacob needed to go to his father's side. He kept on hearing the older people whisper; they were all talking softly. He knew something was wrong with his father and grandmother. They seemed to be always fighting. His grandmother was either crying or mad at his father, and his father -- was doing crazy thing; drinking that juice until he got sick to his stomach and started saying funny things and acting silly. He got up from the floor where he was playing with his trucks and started walking to the edge of the couch. "Where are you going Jacob?" Scully asked. "I want to go get more toys from my toy bag," he responded quickly. "Mommy can I play in my room?" "Sure, if you want," Scully answered. Jacob walked towards the stairs, looking back every couple of seconds until he noticed the two women in deep conversation. He went around the stairs walking close to the wall, thanking that the couch was facing the other way. He went to the door of the kitchen opening it as carefully as he could. He saw his dad and grandma talking softly at the other side of the kitchen. If he maneuvered himself carefully, he could crawl to the side of refrigerator and stay there without anyone noticing him. Once he got to the side of the refrigerator, he positioned himself as comfortable as he could. "I need to know some things. I need for you to tell me what you know. Please tell me," Mulder murmured. "I can't Fox. There are some things that are meant to stay hidden," she answered back. "No, you aren't going to do this to me. I'm not a child; I'm a grown man that needs to know why his life has been the way it has. Why I have lived all these years thinking, wishing that it was me that should have been taken instead of Samantha. Mom there were times when -- no there were * many * times that I wished I was the one that was abducted. I want to know what happened that day. I can't remember anything, except for --" "Except what?" she looked up to him. "Two days ago, when I was thrown down the hillside, pinned between the rocks, wondering whether I was going to make it out alive, I had a few blackouts; with each blackout I started having nightmares. I remembered some things Mom. I remembered the beating that Dad gave me when Samantha was taken. I remember him blaming me for her kidnapping. I didn't' watch her like I was supposed to. I remember hurting so bad, I looked at you Mom, and I pleaded for you to stop him. But you didn't. You didn't protect me Mom. You were supposed to stop him from hitting me. Why didn't you stop him?" His voice quivered with every question he was asking. He wasn't doing a good job at this conversation. Mrs. Scully told him to listen, to let her talk and at this moment he was doing the talking, he wasn't listening. "I -- I don't know Fox. I was in a daze. When I came back searching the house I was going crazy. I wasn't thinking right. At first when your father started spanking you, because he did start as a spanking; I thought you deserved it, but then -- but then when he took off his belt and it became a beating more than a spanking, I --" "You thought I deserved it?" he questioned her previous sentence. "We left you in charge," she tried to justify. "What happened after --after my beating?" he asked. "You don't remember?" "No Mom, I don't remember anything else, at least not until my nightmare I had a couple of days ago." "What did you remember?" "Dad was furious with me, he sent me to my bedroom. I crawled into the corner of my room. I tried sitting on the floor but I hurt. I remember the front door slamming shut. My recollection is only that Dad left the house after he sent me to my room. I heard you in the hallway, thinking, hoping that you were coming in my room to be with me, to say it was okay and it wasn't my fault. Mom, you never came. I wanted to go to you, as a matter of fact I did. I got up walking towards your bedroom when I heard you pick up the phone and call someone. I thought you were calling the police; I thought you were going to have me picked up." "I would never have done that." "How was I suppose to know that, I was only 12. You called him --" he started to say. "Him?" she asked, eyebrows raising. "When you hung up the phone, I ran to my bedroom and sat on the bed, again waiting for you. After awhile I heard a car pull up and a man coming in the house; he walked to your room. I waited until he went in your room and then I walked to your door. It was Cancer Man. Well at that time he was my friend, at least that's what I thought back then, except he --" "He what?" "I saw him kiss you; the kind of kiss a man gives a woman he loves. At least, that was the thought of a 12 year-old. Mom, why was he at the house when Dad wasn't there? I asked you the same questions a couple of years ago and I got a slap out of it. I'm asking you again, were you having an affair, were you seeing Cancer Man. Who is Cancer Man or should I say, what is he to me?" The conversation so far was peaceable but things started changing at the last allegation. The fury in her face came as dΓ©jΓ  vu for him from that same afternoon he had asked her the same questions. She stood up abruptly looking down at her son. Jacob could hear the whole conversation and became nervous when he saw her stand up. He didn't want to be caught, because he would be in the same trouble his daddy was in when Samantha was taken. Mulder took a hold of her arm, persuading her to sit back down. "I don't want to fight, I just want answers." She sat back down, her eyes almost dark with anger. "Fox, I knew CGB long before I knew your father. He was always kind to me. It was one of those relationships where it was one sided. I loved him as a good friend, only as a friend. When I met your father, I was head over heals for this wonderful man. CGB was hurt; I know he cared very much for me. When your dad and I dated, there were times when your dad would lose his temper and CGB was always there to help me. One day, about six weeks before I married your father, we had a terrible fight." "Who was the fight with, Dad or CGB?" he asked nervously. "Your dad. He was very upset. So much so, that I thought our marriage was not going to happen. CGB was there, he stood by me, consoled me." "Bedded you?" Mulder whispered. Mrs. Mulder's fury rose at the last words she heard. She raised her hand, slapping him across the face. "You are still my son, and you will not be disrespectful to me," she shouted. "Why is it that every time I mention this, I get it across the face?" he asked rubbing the side of his stinging cheek. Jacob heard the slap, wanting to run to his father but he thought it would be worse for him, so he stayed crouched in the corner of the kitchen. "Mom, I read the journal remember. The dates are not right. You were pregnant with me when you were married. I never knew that. Does this coincide with the fight you had with Dad, with Cancer Man coming over to * console * you," he emphasized. Mulder's insinuations were getting out of hand. He knew he was hurting her, he knew he was being disrespectful but he felt he had to. He needed to know the truth. "I was vulnerable, I was hurt. Bill said some dreadful things to me and CGB was there," she said softly looking down at the table. "Mom, what are you telling me?" his voice was filled with anxiety. Without really answering his question she continued, "That evening Bill came back. He was very apologetic, very romantic, it ended to be a beautiful evening." "You were with both men that same day?" he whispered, then added "So who is my --?" he said looking up at her before he finished the sentence. But noticed the anguish in her face. He crossed his arms on the table, placing his head over them. Teena looked at him wanting to hold him, hug him like when he was a little boy. "Is that why Dad never was home on my birthdays. In fact, he wasn't even there when I was born," his voice muffled from his head still bowed. "Fox, your dad loved you very much." "Which one is my dad?" he asked raising his head. She stood up, walking towards the screen door looking outside. "I don't know." "You what? You don't know," his voice angered. "I believed in my heart it was Bill. Bill is your dad." "Did you take tests, blood tests?" he asked. "Didn't have to." "What do you mean, didn't have to?" "I just knew," she responded. "How can you just know? Mom weren't you ever curious?" "I always have felt that you were Bill's son," she replied. "Did Cancer Man ever think different?" "I think he might have. He would always ask me, but I never answered him. He gave up after awhile." "Then who picked me to be abducted?" Mulder looked at her sadness clearly shown on his face. "What do you mean?" she asked bewildered. "Who chose me to be taken?" "But you weren't taken," she responded confused. "I know I was the one to go. Scully and I found Samantha's file. On the folder was the label with her name, funny thing is that under her label was the original label. Do you know whose name was on the original label; it was my name. I was the one to get taken, not her." "I don't understand?" "Mom, don't pretend you don't know. Who chose me to go?" he asked, his voice getting louder. "You father chose and like I said before, I hated him for it." "Dad wanted me to go. Of course, he would have. He probably had doubts about me all along. That's why I had to always try harder for his affection," he remembered. "Fox those were hard times for your father, the meetings were long and draining for him. He didn't want me to worry so he kept a lot to himself. Sometimes I would see him in his office for hours writing. I would ask him what it was, but he would just tell me it wasn't for me to worry. Sometimes I would see him go to your bedroom and then go to Samantha's and open the door, just watching both of you sleep. I didn't know at the time what was happening until he couldn't take it anymore. That's when he told me about the group's plan. He told me that they had agreed with the alien colonist. He became violently against the plan when he realized that a family member was going to have to be sacrificed for the alien fetus. They assured him that they would be returned to us. With that he pacified them by telling them that you would be the one to go. He met with the group in the hangar that night and they had a disagreement. What your father didn't realize is that they had already planned on taking you or Samantha. A couple of weeks had passed and we thought that it was over, that we had escaped their plans; until that dreadful night." "I already knew a lot of this information. Cancer Man had already told me the same thing nine months ago. But Mom, I have a problem with the information you gave me right now. If he knew what was happening, what he had gotten himself into, why did he blame me for her abduction?" he angrily asked. "What do you mean blamed you?" "You don't know what I mean. You just told me that you knew that a family member was going to be sacrificed. I was the one to go," he started to say. "Yes, and I told you that he made a deal with the aliens, then told the group of your abduction to pacify them." "Right, you told me that. Then if you knew about the abduction, why blame me for Samantha being taken. Both of you knew what the consequences were. Dad had made a deal that someone had to be taken; yet both of you became angry. He became out of control blaming me for not watching her properly. Or was the reason behind the anger that the wrong child was taken. I was paralyzed with fear. Do you know that I still hear her screaming in my head; begging me to help her? You let him beat me to a pulp and you didn't stop him. I kept on looking at you for help; for you to intervene but you let him continue hitting me. He sent me upstairs and you didn't follow. You put blame on me when it was both of you to blame," he shouted. Jacob was still hiding at the end of the kitchen, listening to everything that was being said. Although a lot of the conversation was way over his head, he understood the last part. He heard the anguish in his father's voice about his beating from his own father. Jacob's memory had returned of his father's beating months before. He started weeping trying desperately to muffle the sounds of his cries. Mulder heard the sounds, turning his head towards the end of the kitchen. He got up walking towards the cries, finding Jacob crouched in the corner. "Jacob what are you doing here?" he asked bending down trying to lift the boy from the floor. "I wanted to be with you," he quickly said. "Son, why are you crying?" he asked. Jacob stood up and walked towards his grandmother, "Grandma, I'm very sad right now because you make my daddy sad. Daddy is always laughing and always funny but he has been sad when he's here. I know I'm little and I don't know what you were saying, but grandma, I don't want to see daddy sad. And Daddy I don't like you talking mean things. I want to go home so I can see you happy again," his voice shaking with anger. Mulder brought him close embracing him the best he could with his sore arm. "You're right Jacob, maybe it's time to forget the past. What's done is done and we can't bring it back or change it," Mulder said, realizing the anguish his son was in. Mrs. Mulder got up from her chair walking towards Jacob, placing a kiss on his forehead. "You're right son, I have caused a lot of pain to your father. I'll leave both of you alone," she said walking out of the kitchen. As she was walking out she met Scully on her way in, "Mrs. Mulder, the taxicab is here, my mother is ready to leave." "I'll go help her take her luggage out," Teena Mulder said. "Mom wants to say good-bye to both of you," she said looking at Mulder and Jacob walking back out. Both walked hand in hand towards the front where the three women were standing. "Thanks for the invitation Teena, I had a wonderful time." "Maggie, I'm sorry that there was so much turmoil." "Your son has just been hurting for too many years. He needs to be mothered, it doesn't matter if he's a grown man," she whispered to Teena giving her a friendly embrace. She then walked to Jacob bending down noticing his reddened eyes. "Jacob, were you crying?" she asked. The boy's mouth was gripped tight trying to hold his emotions, shaking his head in confirmation. "Grandma and Daddy were fighting." "Don't worry about them Jacob, they just need to talk. I am very proud of meeting such a wonderful, beautiful little boy. Listen, when your daddy is on assignment and your friends can't take care of you, you tell your daddy to bring you to me. I'll be more than happy to watch you. I have other grandchildren that you can play with. Is that a deal?" she asked hugging him and giving him a kiss. The corners of his mouth raised up, a little smile appearing on his face. She then stood up to Mulder, taking him by his arm forcing him to walk closer to the taxicab. "Should I be scared?" "Always the comedian. You have a lot on your shoulders, young man. I've told you many times in these last couple of days and now I feel like I'm preaching. But here's one last word of advice. Fox, you're a father now, and with that I want you to * think as a parent, not as a son * when it comes to your mother. See what she's been through, how would you feel if your child was taken," she counseled, "Also, I know I don't have to tell you, but take good care of my daughter." "Always," he interjected. "I know that son. One other thing, don't you think it's time to stop pussy footing around with your relationship with her?" "Mrs. Scully!" Mulder said astonished at what he had just heard. "You two aren't getting any younger and I don't want your son to be more mixed up than you are. Speaking of which, you have a great boy there. You know how much he loves you?" "I know Mrs. Scully." "Remember, he is still a boy." "Mrs. Scully, you don't know how much I know that. I don't want him to have to grow as fast as I had to." With those last words, she also embraced him, giving him a kiss on his cheek. Scully walked up close to her opening the back door to the taxicab. "Honey, you take care of yourself and those two, they need it. Don't forget to call your mother every once in awhile." They both embraced as she slipped in the backseat, the car starting to pull out of the driveway. "Jacob, can you go with your grandma inside the house, I want to talk to Dana for a little while," Mulder told the boy holding him by his shoulders. He shrugged his head then started skipping towards Teena following her into the house. "Care for a walk?" "Sure, but doesn't your ankle hurt?" she asked. "Just sore." "And your shoulder?" "Doesn't hurt that much, it's healing fast," he said, walking over to the car. "We're driving somewhere, I thought we were walking?" "Changed my mind. Do you want to drive?" he asked, retrieving the car keys from his pants pocket. "I guess I should, where do you want to go?" she asked as they both got in the car. "I want to go to a little place that Dad used to take me when I was little; it's by the beach." They drove the miles in silence, parking the car near the side of the road. They walked the short distance to a secluded place. The scenery was breathtaking as the waves hit against the rocks. They sat on the sand; back leaned against a rock that overlooked the ocean that seemed to blend in with the sky. "I guess the weather has been in our favor," Scully said, rubbing her arms for warmth. "Are you cold?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her. "A little, Mulder why are we here?" "I've done a lot of talking today, and I feel since I'm on a roll, I need to continue with all my thoughts that are storming in my head. Scully in the days that we've been here, I've spent minimal time with you. I guess I've been preoccupied with my past. I don't know what I expected from this trip. Scully I've been meaning to tell you about a horrible nightmare I had when I was left by the hillside." She looked at him, scooting closer to him, feeling the warmth of his body. "I know I've already mentioned this but I want you to know just how much the dream has affected me. The dream of Padgett, and seeing you in my bedroom floor filled with blood. The outcome was completely different Scully. I had run in the apartment to find you on the floor, except this time you didn't wake up; you died in my arms Scully." She took his arm, wrapping hers around his clutching him close to her. "It was only a nightmare." "Scully it was too real. I can't take that image out of my mind. We've had too many close calls in the six years that we've known each other. Because of me, your life has been in danger more times than I can count." "Mulder, it's the nature of our business; don't put the blame on yourself. Heaven knows you do that already with everything else. Why this conversation right now? I don't think it's because of the nightmare about me. What is going on in that head of yours?" she asked tapping his forehead with her finger. "I had 'the conversation' with mom. I don't know what the result of it was. Do I feel better, do I feel worse, and did I find out anything that I didn't know? Scully I don't know what to say or do. I came out of it with five steps forward, yet ten steps back. Did I tell you that I found mom's journal and took the liberty in reading some of it? Well, only part of it until I got caught." "Yes you did, and Mulder I'll tell you again that it was a terrible thing for you to do. That was her private journal? What made you do it?" "I needed to know. It was easy, I just turned the pages," he grinned. "Do you know what's ironic about the conversation I had with mom?" She looked at him waiting for him to continue. "I'm in the same boat as Jacob." "What do you mean?" "Jacob doesn't know who his real father is. He will go on through life thinking I'm his father when indeed I'm not." "But you are Mulder." "No I'm not. We can keep on saying it, keeping it stored in the back of our minds for the rest of our lives, but deep down inside we know the truth. I sometimes wonder whether we are doing more harm by lying to him. Something I am so against - the constant lying." "Don't understand Mulder, what does Jacob's paternity have to do with you?" "Because as of an hour ago, I thought I knew who my dad was. And after my conversation with mom, I don't know who my biological father is." "WHAT?" she asked confused. "I thought that would get your attention. Seems that mother had a great friend who seemed to always be there when dad and she were fighting. She said that six weeks before their marriage, mom and dad had a fight, he left, and their long time friend came to *console her * as she puts it. Although I believe the support that was given to her took it a step further, sexually shall I say? Then that same day dad came back and apologized, well need I say more." "But --" "She was pregnant with me before she got married. Scully all these years I thought they married in 1960 and they were married in 1961, seven months before I was born. And you know the funniest thing of all, you know who might be my father," sarcasm filling his voice. Again she just looked at him, letting him continue. "Cancer Man, tell me how ironic life can be. My worst enemy, the man that has been trying desperately to ruin my life can be my father." The expression on her face was indescribable. "It's a hoot, isn't it." "Can't be." ""Did Cancer Man know, did you father have an idea that --?" her questions were flowing. "Answer to your first question, Cancer man had an idea, answer to question number two, dad didn't have any idea. I take that back, dad started wondering and that's when the jealousy started and the visits were less from CGB." "Didn't your mother ever get a blood test, find out who the father was?" "Nope, she's sure it's Dad; that dad is my father. As she put it in her words 'I believed it in my heart, I just knew' and you thought your science was accurate. Mom's intuition has more accuracy." "My gosh Mulder, I don't know what to say. But now that I think about it, even in the worst scenarios, the worst things that have happened to you, Cancer Man has always stopped it at the end; he's intervened. Mulder I'm so sorry." "For what?" he asked. "For the life you have had." "Scully, it hasn't been all that bad. Years ago I met a wonderful young girl named Star whom I married. Our marriage was cut short by a bullet, a mistake. I thought that was the end for me but I moved forward," he told. "I then met Diana, and Scully I'm sorry but she was another important part of my life. She was there with me when the X-Files were opened, she was my --" he started to say. "That's okay Mulder, I know what she was," she tried to ease his words. "And then I met this headstrong woman, who has been the thorn on my side for the last six years," he joked, only to receive a punch on his side. "A thorn, did I mention a rose; the thorn of a rose," he tried to appease. "Well that made me feel a whole lot better." "Seriously Scully, if it wasn't for you I don't know what would have happened to me. You have been my everything, my partner, my friend, my strength. You have saved me a million times over," he said, turning around facing her. He looked at her with the tenderness that only lovers could have for each other. "Your mom said that we weren't getting any younger," he teased, cupping her face in his hands. "Mom can be forward." "Scully, the day in the hallway I almost --" he started to say, their eyes connecting. "I was so afraid you'd leave me. I --" he said, gently lying her down on the sand, he moving close to her. "Mulder, you're going to hurt your shoulder," she said feeling uneasy at what was happening. "It's my other shoulder, don't worry, don't ruin the moment Scully," he protested. "What moment are we talking about?" "Keep quiet Scully, I'm on a roll here," he wrapped his arms around her, gently putting his hand on her side, maneuvering his hand under her blouse softly rubbing her waist and then her back. She felt her body tighten at his touch. She had dreamt of this moment for so long. Sure there had been sneak peaks, sneak touches, short pecks that Jacob seemed to conspire, but this was different. She relaxed her body taking his warmth close to her, smelling his cologne that he always wore. Mulder held her closer; any closer they would be one. He kissed her lightly behind the ear, down her neck, turning her face towards him, kissing her lips, barely touching them. "Mulder what's happening here?" she asked. "Shhh," he whispered continuing with his caresses. He kissed her lightly again on her lips, but this time he kissed her longer, outlining her lips with his tongue. She couldn't hold it any longer, as she returned the kiss. Passion filled both of them as their mouths connected with such vigor, tongues exploring each other. One hand holding her face, the other moving slowly touching her skin, moving his hand upward rubbing her stomach continuing upward until he reached her bra. He raised his hand higher cupping her breast, her chest expanding with the feel of his hand on her. "Touch me," his whisper barely audible in her ear. She moved her hand on his hip, caressing the outer part of his pants, moving slowly to his belt. She unbuckled his belt the best way she could using one hand, then hesitated for a while before continuing on to the zipper of his pants. He unbuckled the snaps of her bra, moving his hand stroking the firmness of her breast, her nipples aroused at his touch. She slipped his zipper down, her hand sliding in his pants, rubbing her hand on his boxers, feeling his backside then slowly lowering his pants. She could feel his arousal on her, through her clothing. She had waited for this moment for much too long and now it was happening. Although she had seen him nude many times, during his illness, injuries, and even in various forms of dress, she had never seen him this way, she had never seen him aroused. Her curiosity and want of him was more than she could bare as she slipped her hand in his boxers, moving her hand, taking a hold of him. At her touch, he took a deep breath, holding it for what seemed to be an eternity. She held him in her hand, playing, teasing, stroking the tip. "Scully, I --" he said, his voice in a whisper. "Shhh Mulder, I'm on a roll," she whispered in his ear. She slipped his boxers and pants down to his ankles, continuing fondling his very erect person. "Ummm, excuse me but this isn't quite the place for this. That's why there are hotels and motels," said the police officer standing right above them. Scully thanked her lucky stars that she was still fully clothed but Mulder was at all his glory. Mulder looked up at the two officers, one female one male, "Hi officers, we... umm -- are Federal Agents," Mulder mumbled. "God Mulder, shut up," Scully said embarrassed. "Yes sure and your both on stakeout," the male officer responded, his female partner finding it hard to keep her eyes away from his nude body. His erection quickly lost its zeal, feeling the stare of the two pairs of eyes looking at him. He struggled to pick up his pants, Scully standing up helping him to his feet. "Why don't you two lovebirds continue it at your home. I don't want to arrest anyone on the Thanksgiving holiday," the female officer said with a grin. Mulder and Scully walked slowing past the officers, but not before the female officer took her by the hand and whispered in her ear, "Nice specimen you have there, you better not let him go, he'll get snagged in no time." The two got in the car both sitting silent and embarrassed. They both looked at each other then burst out laughing. "Scully, between Jacob walking in on us, and now the officers, do you think someone doesn't want us getting together?" he asked. "Maybe Mulder, maybe," she said, turning the key on the ignition. "Scully, can we continue where we left off?" he asked boyishly. "Not in your mom's house we're not," she answered. "But --" "But, nothing, I just couldn't, nope, no way," she said. The car pulled up the driveway both walking in the house. "Mommy, daddy where did you go?" he asked, running towards them. "We took a walk, we talked, we --" Mulder said, crouching down so that Jacob could climb up on him. He carried him with his good arm and started walking up the stairs. "You what daddy?" he asked. "Got frustrated," he whispered, turning to Scully in tow. "Fuastuated?" Jacob asked. "Yes fuastuated. Mom do you want to go to the cemetery and take flowers to dad's gravesite?" he asked, as a matter of fact. "Yes sure, I would love to; what time?" Mrs. Mulder asked surprised. "How about in three hours, around 4:00pm. I'm tired right now, I'm going to take a shower and then take a nap," he said walking up the stairs, "Scully come with us, need to talk to you," he said winking his eye. They entered the bedroom, Mulder lowering the boy to the floor walking towards Jacob's backpack. "Jacob, come on lets take a shower." Jacob's eyes widened scared what he would find in there. "Daddy my clothes isn't in there, only my toys," he said nervously. "Oh that's right, we put them in the drawer," he said. "Scully wait for us, we won't take long." The two went to the shower, Mulder turning on the water waiting for the temperature to be just right. Jacob undressed himself, climbing into the shower. "Daddy, I missed you? I missed you taking me a shower, I missed you laughing." Jacob said, taking the bar of soap handing it to his father so he could lather the bar of soap onto the washcloth. Jacob finished washing his body then squeezed the bottle of shampoo on his head. "I'm sorry Jacob, I wasn't acting myself." "Uh oh, daddy too much soap," he said. "Yup, like old times," Mulder said lathering his hair, then trying to wash out the gobs of shampoo that was on his hair. Jacob finished his shower, taking the towel to dry him. He wrapped the towel around his waist, letting his father take his turn in the shower. "Daddy, why are you and grandma always mad?" he asked, climbing up the toilet, getting the can of shaving cream from the counter. He poured a handful of cream on his hand and then proceeded to put it on his face, imitating the many times he had seen his dad shave. "We're not always mad. You mean when we were talking in the kitchen?" Mulder asked, letting the spray of water hit his face. "Yep," he answered picking up the razor. Mulder finished washing his body, then started shampooing his hair, "Jacob your grandma and I, we weren't happy with each other, but I think we are okay now." "Daddy, do you love your mommy?" Jacob asked, raising the razor to his chin. "I love her very much, just like you loved your mother and your mommy Dana," Mulder said, shampoo falling on his eyes. "I only have one mommy, and I hate my other mommy, don't talk about her," his voice angered, as he stroked the razor down on his chin harder than he expected. "OUCH" he yelled instantly crying as he saw the blood oozing out of his chin. "Jacob, what happened?" Mulder asked trying to rinse the shampoo quickly off his head. He opened the sliding door, shocked at the amount of blood pouring out of Jacobs's chin. "My God Jacob. He got out of the shower, opening the door hollering for Scully to come in. Scully was sitting on the bed, trying to reconstruct the happenings at the beach when she heard Mulder's cries. She ran towards the bathroom, seeing Mrs. Mulder run up the stairs at the same time. "Why is Fox yelling, what happened?" Teena Mulder asked nervously. "I don't know. Mulder what's wrong?" she asked knocking at the bathroom door. "Jacob cut himself," Mulder said, wrapping him with a towel, letting her come in the bathroom. "Jacob what were you doing?" she asked him grabbing a towel cleaning the shaving cream off his face trying to find the wound. "Honey were you playing with the razor?" "I was shaving like daddy," he cried. "What's happening, is Jacob alright?" Mrs. Mulder asked knocking at the door. Mulder opened the door letting his mother in as well. "I was in the shower, I didn't realize that Jacob was playing with the razor," Mulder said almost apologizing for not being a good parent. "Son, it was only an accident, boys will be boys," Mrs. Mulder said, taking a hold of Fox's hand. "Dana let me get my First Aid kit so you can see what you can do." Scully looked up at Mulder smiling at him, knowing that the simple sentence that his mom had just said meant so much to her partner. Moments later his mother walked in with the first aid kit. "There there, it wasn't bad at all. It just looked worse than it was," she said washing the cut, applying some anticeptive and putting a butterfly band-aide on his chin. "The cut's not deep at all, won't need any stitches," Scully said finishing her doctoring. "Mom, after we go to the cemetery, want to go out for dinner?" Mulder asked. "That would be nice, now both of you better get dressed or you'll catch a cold," she announced walking out. The three walked back into his bedroom, Mulder turning the lock on his door. Scully dried Jacob off, then started dressing him, "Daddy, am I going to get time out for playing with the razor?" he asked. "No, it was an accident. But son, only men shave, you won't need to for a long time. And if you want to shave, let me give you the razor without the blade," Mulder said, bending down kissing him. Jacob curled himself at the end of the bed closing his eyes, drifting off to sleep within a couple of minutes. "I envy how fast he could fall asleep," Mulder said, nonchalantly taking the wrapped towel off of him, drying himself off. Scully was uneasy at his carefree gesture, and still very confused at where their relationship was heading. She tried to avoid looking at him but couldn't help sneaking a peak as he slipped on his boxers, visions of the beach flashback in her mind. He went to the opposite side of the bed lying down, tapping the bed motioning her to get near him. "You're crazy Mulder, your mom is in the other room," she said nervously. "Scully we're not doing anything. I just want you near me, that's all-read a book, think, I don't care, I just want you here with us." Scully hesitantly walked to the bed lying down next to him, Mulder spooning himself behind her. She could feel his body up against her back, as she tried desperately to keep her mind focused. It didn't take long for the two to drift off to sleep. Jacob woke up startled, sitting up on the bed but was quickly calmed when he saw the two on the bed with him. He looked around the room, his eyes resting on his backpack. With his natural curiosity he got out of the bed sitting on the floor next to the bag. He unzipped it carefully pushing his toys a side until he came to the familiar feeling of the medal object in the bag. He had not even thought about it during the many nights that his father would come home and take the gun from his belt along with the small pistol that was strapped on his ankle. He never thought about it until this gun, this was bigger; he needed to have it in his hands. Jacob took the gun out as he did before, turning it around, inspecting every inch of it. As he was placing his finger on the trigger, he heard the moan of his father, startled he quickly wrapped the gun back in the bag, filling the bag with his toys and zipping it up. He stood up getting wondering if his father was either waking up or having another one of his nightmares, he climbed in bed ready to help him out of a nightmare doing what his mommy had taught him to do. He realized that his dad was just stirring in bed, nothing more. With that he crawled on his hands and knees, plopping himself close to the two adults. He noticed a book on the nightstand with a bookmarker with a tassel on it. He crawled to get the bookmarker then went back to his dad, moving the tassel lightly over his face. Mulder's nose wiggled, his lips moving left and right trying to get the tickle out of his face, Jacob giggling at the expressions he was making his father do. Mulder's eyes opened after a couple of minutes noticing Jacob's mischievous antics. "Jacob what are you doing?" he asked him rubbing the tickle off of his nose. "Seeing you move your nose like a bunny rabbit." Scully woke up with Mulder's movement of the bed. "What's going on? What time is it?" she asked sitting up. "Your son is up to his antics," he said as a matter of fact. The last sentence that Mulder had said came as a surprise. She was only known as mommy from Jacob's mouth, but never acknowledged from Mulder. Yet the words he had just said, gave her a feeling that melted her heart. "Jacob, go find your grandma, tell her we'll be ready in about 45 minutes to go to the cemetery, can you do that?" he asked, getting out of the bed. He moved his shoulder a little more than he should and felt a sharp pain. "How is your shoulder?" Scully asked seeing him squint. "Actually very well, it's healing a lot faster, I just moved it wrong." "I'm going to my room to get ready, I'll meet you downstairs in a bit," Scully said walking towards the door, bumping into Jacob. "You're already back," Mulder asked. "You already told your grandma what I told you." "Yep, she is cutting flowers from outside to take to grandpa. Daddy, do I have a grandpa? I didn't know I had a grandpa." he asked him. "Actually Jacob, my dad, your grandpa is in the same place your mom is," Mulder said slipping on some jeans. "Then your daddy was bad, because if he is in the same place as my -- her," he said, still avoiding the subject of his mother. "He wasn't bad Jacob, and neither was your mother. She loved you as much as my dad loved me," the words almost difficult to come out of his mouth. He was trying desperately to believe in the words he had just spoken. His father did love him, in his own way; he had to believe that. The drive was solemn to the cemetery; uneasiness filled the car. Jacob was not sure at where he was going. He had never been to a cemetery; as a matter of fact he didn't know what a cemetery was. Mrs. Mulder tried to explain that it was a resting-place for loved ones that were no longer with the living, like his mother. The four reached the old fashion cemetery, tombstones adorning of all sizes and shapes. Fresh flowers of all kinds and colors were carefully placed in each plot. Teena walked ahead of the three walking straight to her late husband's gravesite. It looked like it had not been visited in awhile. The plot had weeds and dry plants around it. Mulder bent down starting to pull the weeds out from around the plot while Scully filled the small pail with water from a nearby spigot; Mrs. Mulder stood watching her son--her mind miles away. Scully and Jacob approached the gravesite bending down to help Mulder. Jacob started pulling the weeds along with his father while Scully cleaned the tombstone with the sponge and water. "Mom do you want me to put the flowers in the holder?" he asked looking up. "No, I'll do it; it looks nice Fox. I hadn't been able to come here in a long time." She knelt down by her husband's grave, arranging the different flowers she brought in the metal holder that securely fit in the gravesite. Mulder and Scully stood up giving her a moment of silence. Jacob took a couple of flowers helping his grandmother slip them in the holder. "Grandma, are you sad?" Jacob innocently asked. "A little bit. I'm sad that I don't have my husband with me anymore, but I'm very happy that I have the most important people of my life with me right now," she said softly to the boy. "Grandma do you think that grandpa is with -- with. With my other mom?" he asked finding it very hard to talk about his mother. "I'm sure he is," she said smiling at him. She stood up looking at her son, "and he's with Star." Mulder's expression on his face was instant when he heard her acknowledge his late wife, the love of his life when he was a young man. "Jacob, honey let's go for a walk. Do you want to see all the beautiful flowers?" Scully asked, taking a hold of his small hand. She looked at Mulder then quietly whispered, "Take your time, talk to her." "Don't leave me," he whispered back nervously. "You're on your own partner, you'll do just fine." He walked up close to his mother taking a hold of her hand. "Mom, tell me about him? Did he -- did he ever consider me his son, love me as his son?" he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "You were his son. Fox, your father was not a demonstrative man. It was hard for him to show any form of emotion, although he was different when we were dating. I blame the change in him on his job. Fox he would come home sick to his stomach, worried at the future of the world. I know you read on my journal that your father wasn't there for us during important times of your life. I won't lie to you by telling you that he was terribly sorry that he wasn't. I was angry with him for not being there at your birth. I was angry with him for missing your birthdays. CGB always seemed to be there for us. You don't understand Fox and I don't expect you to, but he was an important part of your life growing up. I think Bill needed a little bit of jealousy to realize that we were drifting. He tried to be involved in your schooling, in all the sports you participated in. When Samantha was born he seemed to soften. Fox, don't get me wrong, its not because he didn't love you or he didn't think that you were his son. But I think little girls do that to men. You'll see when you and Dana have a little girl," she smiled. His expression changed from intensity to slightly smiling. The syndicate as you call them had an agenda that had to be completed; family didn't matter. I told you before that I would find him standing by your doorstep watching you sleep. Sometimes he would walk in and sit by your bedside watching you. He would talk to you for periods at a time. He would tell you how proud he was of you." "Mom that's all and wonderful, but don't you think I needed to hear all that when I was awake. Why couldn't he say it to my face? Instead I got his 'no nonsense' expression all the time. I was afraid of him, mom. Even when he called me that evening thinking that Samantha had re-appeared he couldn't even give me a hug-a handshake is all he could offer me. When I had to make the decision of trading Samantha for Scully, do you know how he made me feel? I felt like a child again trying desperately to please him but again he was disappointed." "Fox, being a parent is a hard job. Unfortunately the job does not come with a 'how to' book. It's a seat of the pants occupation. We tried doing the best we could and I think we did all right before Samantha's abduction. Except for his constant business trips, we were a normal family. Then after Sami was taken we fell apart. We were so busy blaming everyone else, and yes, also blaming you that we closed ourselves to the only child we had left. Instead of showing you how much we loved you and realizing the pain you were in, we alienated you. I apologize for that son, and I will apologize for your father as well. We drowned ourselves in our sorrow by drinking and plain depression, not even taking you under consideration of what we were doing to you. But Fox, without any help of us, you became an admirable man. Fox, your father took an interest in everything you did whether in school, the academy and when you entered the FBI. When you were a profiler he worried about you a lot." "Mom, how do you know this, you guys were divorced and barely talked." "We talked son, when it came about you, we talked." "Why did you divorce him?" "The guilt he carried was more than I could handle. He did become violent with you at times. Instead of you protecting yourself, you would just let him hit you. I don't know if it was out of respect for him, or that you felt you deserved it. I know I didn't protect you when Sami was taken, but I did interfere the other times. I was afraid that one day he would go too far. But Fox, again it was his job that made him this way," she said turning him around to face her. "You were his pride and joy, no matter what you thought, he loved you with all his heart. When we had our arguments, he would throw it at me that you weren't his son, but after he would say that he would start crying, because he couldn't bare to even consider that you weren't his. I don't know how else to say it or to make you believe that he was proud of you." "Why didn't you and dad come to my wedding? Why did you think it less of me that I would marry an 'Indian girl' as you have put it a couple of times." "Ignorance, maybe wanting the best for you." "But --" "Son, I said we were ignorant. Instead of making it the best day of our lives and enjoying your happiness, we were cold and distant. Again, we left you to be alone. I know it's too late for your father to ask for forgiveness, but I would like to ask you to forgive him." "He did ask me for forgiveness. The day he was killed, I had him in my arms and he apologized," he said, his eyes saddened at the reminder of that day. "And did you forgive him?" she asked. "I don't know. I think I did. No I didn't," he answered. "Do you think you can forgive me for not being the mom I should have been?" she asked, her voice trembling. "Mom I was never angry at you. There is no reason for forgiveness. All I've ever wanted is from you was to show me that you loved me, that's all." "Is it too late to forgive your father?" she said looking down at his gravesite. "No, it's not too late." "Fox you'll find how hard it is to be a parent, and don't think I'm making excuses. You have to watch what you say, because words are never forgotten. You have to make sure he's safe, healthy and be there for him all the time." "I know mom, I've had to take a crash course. I didn't get the opportunity to grow with him. I was shocked at the news that I was his dad and then thrown into parenthood. There's times I don't know if I'm doing right, or if I'm doing more harm than good." "You'll be just fine. From what I can see, the boy adores you. And son, you have to do something about that partner of yours. You might be a bright Federal Agent, but you are completely ignorant when it comes to Dana. Don't let her go son, she is a perfect young lady who I would love to have as a daughter-in-law some day. Besides Jacob has already brought her into the family. And son, I may be old, but I'm not a fool. Stop playing around with your feelings for her." "I've lost everyone I've ever loved. I'm afraid." "That's part of life - challenges, you more than anyone knows that. Go for it because if you lose her, you'll lose yourself." With her last words he smiled and turned around to call for Jacob and Scully, but was turned around by the hold of his mother's hand. "Come here son, this is long awaited. This is from your father and from me," she said as she brought him close to her, putting her arms around him. She took a hold of his face with both of her hands bringing him down, kissing him on the cheek. He stood there for what seemed to be a lifetime, his arms dangling by his side, not being able to raise them to join her in the hug. "Is this really that uncomfortable to you?" she asked bringing him closer to her. With those words he raised his arms wrapping them around her waist, burying his had on her neck taking a deep breath. "Do you now how long I've waited for this?" he whispered, holding the knot on his throat from breaking into a cry. "You've waited much too long and for that I would like to rectify the situation." Silence filled them both, holding each other, trying to make up for all the years of his life. His legs felt like led as he slipped down to the ground, kneeling, head bent down. Mrs. Mulder knelt down alongside of her fallen son, bringing him onto her lap, cradling him, remembering back when he was an infant. She held him tight, silence still permeating their surroundings until he was able to expel a small cry, a sob, and a whimper until the flood of tears rolled down his face. "Shhh, everything will be alright, we have a lot of lost time to catch up on," she whispered to him. "Mom, was he my father?" he asked turning his head slightly looking at Bill's gravesite. "I don't know son, I don't know, but in his heart you were. That's all that matters." Scully and Jacob were getting closer to the two, Jacob's face filled with worry when he saw his father fall to the ground. "Mommy, something is wrong with daddy, hurry," he said nervously. "Jacob he's okay. Your father and your grandmother are making peace," she said, not expecting him to understand. He looked bewildered walking closer to the two. They both reached the two, Mrs. Mulder placing a finger to her lips asking for them not to say a sound. After a couple of seconds Mulder sat up, wiping his shed tears from his stained face. "Well, isn't this a sight," he mused, trying to make light of the situation. "Daddy are you okay?" Jacob asked running to him holding him tight. "I'm okay, I'm really okay. Why don't we go have some dinner," he said standing up wiping the grass from his pants. "Why don't the three of you go ahead; I'll be there in a second. I need to say something to your father." The three started walking, Mulder in the middle placing his arm around Scully's lower back. "Mulder," she said with a nervous surprise turning to see if Mrs. Mulder saw him. "Scully, I don't care who sees us. Besides, according to the two mom's, I'm being a fool for not doing something about us." The two reached the car, both Scully and Jacob sitting in the backseat waiting for Mrs. Mulder to join them. "Bill, we've done a lot of mistakes with our boy, and with no thanks to us, he's grown to be an admirable man, a loving and caring man. I think he's forgiven us, you can now rest in peace." With those words she kissed her fingers and then placed them on the tombstone. She walked to the car to join the rest of her family. Dinner at the local restaurant was a pleasant one. For the first time all four were able to laugh and talk. Mulder was back to his dry-wit, making embarrassing comments that only he thought was funny. Scully was so used to them that she was able to get back a few of her own. Monday - five days after Thanksgiving After having breakfast they headed to their prospective rooms starting to pack all their clothes. Mulder and Jacob went down to the basement to pickup a couple of more personal items that he wanted to take home and share with his son. "Have we gotten everything?" Mulder asked looking around his bedroom. "Yep," Jacob said carrying the backpack that was heavier than when it arrived. His two grandma's had bought him some more books and toys. He dragged the bag starting to walk to the door. "I'll carry that," Mulder said, reaching out for it. "Daddy I can do it," he said, worrying about the object that was secured at the bottom of his toys. "Well, alright," Mulder replied carrying the rest of the suitcases. Mulder went down the stairs, taking a last glance at the pictures on the wall. He did a double take when he noticed some additions that must have been put up between last night and this morning. Sport pictures were now up along with his graduation from high school and from Oxford. "Scully look," Mulder said, seeing his partner walk out of her bedroom joining him in front of the wall. She smiled at him looking at her partner's various growing up pictures. Her attention focused at a center picture. The same picture she had seen in his picture album in his apartment six months before. "Mulder," she said pointing to his wedding picture, the picture of Star and him. The picture showed both Star and Mulder facing each other, holding hands. Star in her white suede dress with a cape bodice trimmed at the neckline with braided jute and a row of variegated colored beads. Her white suede band encircling her head with 10 inches of suede fringes hanging on the side of her face with a small array of feathers attached to the headband. Her hair was thick and black reaching her waist, braided in ponytails and wrapped with suede cording. Mulder's attire was simple, a white shirt with white pants. Mulder's eyes watered at not only seeing that picture, but the others as well. "I hope you don't mind, Dana, that I put Fox's wedding picture on the wall," Teena Mulder said walking up the stairs joining them. "My gosh, no, Mrs. Mulder, not at all. This is a beautiful reminder of Star and it should never be taken away," Dana said, reaching out to hold Mulder's hand. "I do expect another wedding picture up in the wall soon, right son," Teena grinned looking at both of them. Both Mulder and Scully broke into a coughing fit, looking at each other. "It's getting late, we have to be on our way-we have a long drive ahead of us," Mulder said walking down the stairs not realizing he still had a hold of Scully's hand. "I'll be there in a second," Mrs. Mulder said watching the two take the last bags out of the house. Luggage in the trunk, Jacob seat belted in the backseat, Mulder and Scully stood outside of the car waiting for Teena to come out and say their good-byes. In a matter of minutes she came out with a brown bag under her arm. Teena bent crouched down to give Jacob a kiss, "Jacob honey, you tell your father to bring you over more often, okay." She stood up and walked to the two. "Dana considering all that happened, I hope you enjoyed your stay. Please take care of my son," she said giving her a kiss on the cheek. She then turned to her son, opening the brown bag. "Son this is a gift from me to you. You may have thought that your life ended at 12 years old but not in my eyes; read it," she said taking out her journal from the brown bag, giving it to him. "But mom it's --" he said not wanting to take her personal life. "No, it's about time you knew everything, now get going before you have me in tears," she said, embracing him, giving him a kiss on his forehead. They got in the car and drove off, Mulder looking up at his rearview mirror watching his mother in the distance. About thirty minutes into the drive Scully turned to face Mulder, his face motionless. They had been together for so many years that it was almost second nature for them to read each other's minds, but this time she could only guess what he must have been feeling. "Hey partner, how about letting me drive. Your shoulder must be hurting," she said trying to break the silence. "Actually Scully, I would like for you to drive, not because of my shoulder, I just want to rest," he said pulling over to the side of the road. They made their exchange and started up again in minutes. "Daddy I had lots of fun. I like my two grandmas and you know what?" "What?" he asked turning his face towards him. "They said that I could see them any time. Mommy's mommy said that she has kids there that I could play with." "Those are my nephews Jacob. And they would love to meet you," Scully remarked. "Maybe some day when Langly, Byers and Frohike are busy and we're on assignment, we'll have your grandma take care of you," stated Mulder. Jacob satisfied with their answer, returned to coloring his book. "How are you feeling?" Scully asked, hesitating in asking that question. "I feel really good Scully, really good." After a few bathroom stops and lunch stop and dinner stop, they arrived at Scully's apartment around 6:00p.m. "Well partner this has been one heck of a weekend," she started to say but was cut short by Mulder. "Scully, I don't want to be alone tonight. Why don't you pick up some clothes and we'll drive in tomorrow together," Mulder suggested, placing his hand on her lap. "Mulder, there's so many things I need to get ready for tomorrow, and aren't you tired of seeing me 24/7," she said. Saying that she noticed Mulder fidget with the journal on his lap, "Okay look why don't you two come up and give me about 20 minutes, I'll pick up some stuff." 8:00 p.m. Monday Evening- after Thanksgiving Scully was in the kitchen getting Jacob's lunch box ready for the following day, Mulder was in the shower and Jacob was in his bedroom watching television. The backpack was in the corner of the room. He had to do something because he knew that his mommy would start taking the toys out of the bag at any moment. She always straightened up his things when she was over. He walked to the kitchen, "Mommy what are you doing?" "Cleaning the kitchen and getting your lunch ready, why?" she asked. "No reason," he said skipping back in his room. He walked to the bathroom that adjoined the bedroom opening the door. "Daddy are you almost done?" "I just got in, why?" "No reason, just wondering," he said, shutting the door skipping back to the room. He grabbed the backpack moving his toys around until he got to the gun and the bullets that were also in the bag. He didn't have time to look at it this time; he needed a good hiding place. He looked around wondering where neither of his parents would find them. He could always put it behind the fish tank, no, that wasn't a good idea. He had done that before with the round thing and got in a lot of trouble for that. He went to the dresser that was closely flushed to the wall, squeezed his hand in the back and dropped the gun and the bullets. Satisfied with a good hiding place he climbed back in bed, doing his normal jumping. Seconds later his dad walked in the room, towel wrapped around his waist, drying his hair with the other towel. "Jacob, how many times do I have to tell you not to jump?" "Sorry," he said, making that one last jump his highest. Mulder put on his sweats and sat back on the bed, but not before retrieving the journal from the dresser. "I don't know about you two, but I'm calling it a night," Scully said walking in the room pulling her alarm clock from her overnight bag. "Where are you going?" Mulder asked. "Couch," she responded. "Stay here with us, besides I need to talk to you," Mulder asked. "Only because you want to talk," she smiled, getting in between Jacob and Mulder. "I don't know if I should read this, I mean what if there's things I don't want to know." "It didn't seem to bother you a couple of days ago when you started reading it without your mother's permission." "That was different, I was being sneaky and besides she caught me," he grinned. "And now that she wants you to read it, you don't; makes no sense." "Scully, I was a real jerk these last couple of days, wasn't I, and don't answer too quick." "A real jerk," she said, "Nah, you went through a lot, and you know what? I'm glad everything happened the way it did." "Thanks for being by my side, as always," Mulder said, leaning over to her, placing a kiss on her cheek. Mulder took a big sigh, took the journal from the nightstand and placed it on his lap. He rubbed the outside of the journal then opened the cover page. The End