This story is part of what I call The Ragnarok Cycle. To avoid confusion they should be read in the following order: 1) ANNUAL REVIEW 2) CARYATID 3) A VIEW FROM MOUNT NEBO 4) SATORI 5) MUSINGS ON ELIOT 6) DEAD MAN SWITCH Title: Annual Review Author: Tim Scott Email: tscott@fix.net Rating: R for language Summary: Moose and Squirrel get a wake-up call. Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Walter Skinner belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and the Fox Network. Their use in this story is completely unauthorized. As always, if I am caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of my actions. AD Skinner's Office 9:06 am Mulder opened the door and ushered his partner through before closing it quietly behind him. They both immediately noticed the absence of chairs and realized they were in trouble. Good. Walter Skinner kept working on a file, ignoring them. Let 'em sweat a bit. He won a mental bet with himself when it took less than five seconds for Mulder to clear his throat. "Uh, sir? We -- " "I'll deal with you two in a minute, Agent Mulder." Skinner didn't have to look up to know they were exchanging worried glances by now. He scribbled his signature on a paper, closed the folder and set it in his OUT basket. He looked at his desk clock. "Being late for your annual performance review is not a promising beginning, Agent Mulder." Scully flashed him a quick glare. So it's his fault they're late. Imagine my surprise. She said nothing aloud, though. "I am not satisfied with your work of late, agents. Your solve rate has dropped dramatically, your reports come in late, and word around the building is that you spend more time arguing with each other than you do earning your salaries. Which are also, I might add, up for review at this time." Skinner watched them squirm, his face impassive, and decided to let them simmer a bit. "I was not amused with your recent foray into speculative fiction, either. If I want to read Dracula stories I can find better ones at Barnes & Noble." The disgust in his voice was plain. Mulder started to protest but Skinner silenced him with a raised palm. "Mulder. Shut up." The lanky agent blinked in surprise. Scully's jaw dropped a bit at this new attitude. The AD picked up a thick file folder. "Do you see this, Agent Mulder? Agent Scully?" Mulder opened his mouth to reply but his partner whacked him across the middle. They both nodded quietly. "This is a list I have spent some time compiling. It contains the shittiest assignments I could find. The most demeaning jobs out there, the stuff nobody wants to touch, the things that get left undone until there's absolutely no excuse left to avoid it." He leaned toward them and, in a very satisfied voice, said, "And it's all for you." The AD sat back in his leather executive swivel chair, evaluating their expressions. "I didn't ask to be your supervisor, you know, Mulder. They stuck me with you because I'd just made AD and the new guy gets all the scut work. Being the new guy, I tried to go by the book in dealing with you. It didn't work, you kept doing as you pleased whenever you felt like it. Then that black-lunged son of a bitch came in with override power from God knows where. He made me send you wherever he wanted to serve his own agenda, shit -canned procedures he didn't like, and you still did pretty much as you fucking pleased." Skinner got up to pace. Mulder and Scully were at attention. Well, Scully was. Her partner just watched his balding boss with wide-eyed fascination. Skinner stopped in front of them, leaned back against his desk. "That situation is about to change. I've been in office long enough that I can do things my way now, and Smokey Joe hasn't been replaced yet so we have a breathing space. You two will do things my way from here on out. Each time you do *not* do things my way you will get a present from the goodie bag." Skinner gestured at the folder, then leaned into Mulder's face. "I have things in there, Mulder, that will make you look back on wiretap duty with longing. You will pray for the good old days of transcribing worthless information for endless aching hours." Mulder gulped and nodded. Skinner leaned back and considered them for a moment before resuming his pacing. "You will enter what I'm told the field agents call 'couples therapy'. It will improve your efficiency and get your numbers back up where they belong. It will make you look good again. And when you look good, I look good. And we all want to look good, don't we, Agent Scully? Because the departments that meet their assigned goals get the funding. Isn't that right, Agent Mulder?" Mulder said, "But, sir -- " Skinner held up his hand again and checked his watch, then went back to his desk to make a phone call. Mulder shut up as his boss dialed a four digit extension and waited, making a show of perusing the dreaded Folder. Finally someone picked up. "Ed? Walter. You won the pool. It took Mulder less than five minutes to earn his first demerit. You pick the restaurant, I'll see you and the others at noon. Bye." Skinner hung up the phone and strode over to hand Mulder the paper. Mulder scanned it, paled, and looked at his supervisor in shock. "You wouldn't." Scully craned her neck to see. Skinner smiled an evil smile. "Try me." Mulder looked vaguely ill and croaked, "Couples therapy. Right." Skinner leaned in again, smiling maliciously. "I picked this shrink specifically for you, Mulder. I searched for months to find just the right person. Her credentials are even more impressive than yours, Oxford Grad, so don't even think about trying to play 'my degree can beat up your degree'. If I hear one whisper from her about non-cooperation from you you will wish your parents had never met." The agents eyed each other, nonplussed. Of course, being who they were, Skinner didn't expect them to take this lying down. He was not disappointed. They quickly regrouped and attacked. Over the course of the next fifteen minutes Mulder accumulated five more demerits -- three for interrupting, one for defending himself after being warned to drop it, and the last for his general attitude. Scully held her own score down to two -- one for interrupting and the other for trying to defend herself. The look on her face was priceless, she'd been so sure she was beyond reproach. Finally the AD decided he'd been patient enough and yelled, "Shut up, goddammit!" They did. Skinner shook his head in frustration. "What is so difficult about this concept, agents? You've been in government service long enough to know how things work. I *can* do this and I'm *going* to do this. I am higher in the chain of command than you two. Shit rolls downhill. If you stand there with your mouths open naturally you won't like the taste. Shut up and do as you are told!" He walked back behind the desk, mumbling imprecations. Mulder was looking mulish again. Skinner leveled a finger at him. "Don't even go there, Agent Mulder. You brought this on yourself." Mulder's eyes blazed. "How do you figure that?" Skinner's eyes blazed right back. He snarled, "I gave you a chance to do this the easy way. Remember Florida? That nice, easy communications skills conference I sent you to? All you had to do was sit in a conference room, listen to the lectures and *think* about what they were telling you. But, nooo, not you. Not Fox Mulder. No, you found some cheesy variation on the Bigfoot legend and blew off your assignment." Skinner stood up, leaned his weight on both fists and glared at the younger man. Mulder had the grace to look ashamed. Scully looked like she badly wanted to be anywhere but here. "Not only did you blow off your assignment but you got yourself injured again, sending me over my medical budget for the third time in three years. On top of that, the combined-departmental manhunt necessitated by your disappearing act was not cheap. Would you like to see the spreadsheets on what your little escapade cost the taxpayers, Agent Mulder?" Skinner broke off and turned his back on them, trying to calm himself down. He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose before turning to face them again. "Listen to me, you two. It's important that you take these sessions seriously. Much depends on it. I have plans for you both, but before I pursue those plans I need to know if I'll be using you as a team or if it's time to break up your partnership." That got their attention. "The contentiousness between you cannot be allowed to continue. You are going to settle it, one way or another. The Bureau can use you both, either way, but I have to know in what capacity you are willing to serve. Will you stay with the X-Files, either individually or as a team, or would you prefer to be reassigned?" Silence. Silence and shock. And neither of them was looking at the other now. "Agent Scully, you are no doubt aware of the PR problem the FBI lab is experiencing. You would be perfect to head up the task of rebuilding that department. Your reputation as a cautious researcher is well known. Mulder, you are my first choice to head up VCS when Maxwell retires later this year. You both did well as ASACs during the 'foxhunt', even though Mulder is not satisfied with his own performance. I was planning to use that as the first step in moving you both up through the ranks." He looked seriously from one to the other. "The Bureau needs trustworthy people. The incident with Blevins made that painfully obvious. I know of no people who fit that description better than you two. So. It's up to you to decide if you still want to be partners." Skinner counted seconds in his head. He didn't make it to ten before Mulder exploded. "This is just another goddamn plot to conceal -- " This time Skinner turned the volume all the way up. "SHUT UP, MULDER!" Everybody's eardrums rang after that one. Probably Ms Cook's in the outer office, too. "God damn you, Mulder. Do you have any idea how aggravating this superior attitude of yours is? Don't you realize who you're talking to?" Skinner stepped up until he was nose-to-nose with the younger man and went on in a tight voice. "I survived Vietnam. You have no concept of what that means so I'm going to tell you. So, you feel sorry for yourself because your evidence disappears and people rough you up from time to time, or even take you prisoner for three months? There are men still alive over there who have been imprisoned for over thirty years under more barbaric conditions than you can imagine. The standard tour of duty for a marine was thirteen months." The junior agents saw their boss' eyes go distant as he recited the well-remembered numbers. "Do the math. Thirteen months is three hundred sixty five days plus thirty one, for a total of three hundred and ninety six. Multiply that by twenty four and you get nine thousand, four hundred and eighty hours. Times sixty minutes per hour and you get five hundred sixty eight thousand and eight hundred minutes. There are sixty seconds in a minute, so your grand total is thirty four million, one hundred twenty eight thousand seconds." The eyes focused on them again. The skin of his face was drawn tight against his skull. "You've both crossed open spaces under fire. You know how long a second can be when people are trying to kill you. Don't even dare to talk to me about paranoia." Blue eyes met hazel for a moment, then looked at their boss again. "Do you cringe at every step, knowing a mine could blow your legs off? Do you listen for incoming artillery? You're in your own country, everyone here speaks the same language as you. Over there the enemy could stand right in front of you and discuss how they were going to kill you, and you'd never know it. It was like fighting smoke. Is any of this sounding familiar to you?" Mulder nodded slowly. Scully looked ashamed, probably recalling some conversations they'd had. Skinner remembered them too and was not disposed to be forgiving right now. "We died by poison, by knives, clubs, teeth, snakes, disease, guns, bombs, friendly fire, just plain ignorance and clerical errors, for Christ's sake! And, Mulder -- you think *you've* been ridiculed? Wait until you come back from risking your life for the nation and someone spits on you. Talk to me then about job stress." The AD reined himself in by main force and took a couple of deep, cleansing breaths. When he spoke again his voice was calm and remote. "You will attend the sessions. You will make every effort to cooperate with your therapist. No later than one week after your therapist has determined that the work has been completed you will communicate to me your decisions about the status of your partnership. Am I making myself sufficiently clear, agents?" They chorused, "Yes, sir." "You are dismissed. Mulder, a moment, please." Scully got the hell out while she could. Mulder didn't blame her a bit. He looked longingly at the door but stayed where he was. Skinner motioned the younger man over to join him at the conference table across the room. They took seats facing each other. Mulder waited. Skinner looked troubled. "Mulder, this is off the record." The younger man immediately looked wary. Well, that was understandable. Skinner smiled thinly. "No, I mean *really* off the record. This is personal." Mulder waited some more while Skinner considered his words. "I've been very careful not to learn the exact nature of your off-duty relationship with your partner. You're obviously friendly but there's no evidence that it goes further than that." Mulder kept silent. It seemed the prudent course. He'd gotten in enough trouble today by shooting his mouth off. He decided to see what listening would get him. "The human body is a funny thing, Mulder. Nothing hikes up the urge to reproduce like living through an attempt on your life. You and Scully have been stressed beyond belief. You for a longer period of time but she much more intensely in the recent past." Mulder nodded. Both men disliked thinking about what Scully had endured. Neither was able to keep the thoughts at bay for very long. They had each paid a heavy price for their efforts on her behalf, but not as heavy as hers. "Mulder. Fuck regulations. She deserves whatever happiness she can manage out of the life we lead. Sex is one of the greatest tension relievers known to man. Love would be even better, if you can manage it. I've been watching you both for some time. I think you can manage it. For Scully." Mulder smiled. It went all the way to his eyes. Skinner nodded, then leaned in closer. "If you can't do it, Mulder, tell me now. If you won't give her what she needs, or at least ask her if she wants what you have to offer, then get the hell out of the way. I may not have your five-alarm education but I know a good thing when I see it. I'll ask her myself if you don't." Mulder's jaw dropped. Skinner nodded. "You're dismissed, Agent Mulder." The lanky agent got up, managed to get the door open and leave without hurting himself. Skinner let his smile surface. That ought to light a fire under his ass... He shook his head, went back to his desk and opened the next file. the end